Breaking Free

gone.

* * * * *

Nolan finished off his second beer and dropped the bottle into the bottom of the canoe. With a sigh, he watched the moonlight break into fragments on the small waves across the lake. The water lapped quietly against the boat as frogs chirped on the banks. Peaceful sounds; peaceful place. A pity his mind was at war. Over the course of the long night, he hadn’t been able to negotiate a truce with the two arguments battling it out inside him.

She’d lied to him. No question. She was a married woman, cheating on her husband and willing to lie about it. Only a fool would trust her.

But he had. He tried to rub away the pain centered in his chest and wondered if he were having a heart attack. Hell, a heart attack would be easier. At least eventually that would come to an end. This pain wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

Her betrayal hurt. No two ways about it, he felt betrayed. As her Dom, he’d known she still had secrets, and eventually they would have explored them. Together. And in the process, he would learn more about himself. It was a two-way street.

Every sub he’d known-every woman he’d known-had hidden areas she didn’t want to reveal… She hates dark places because her mama locked her in a closet once. Her first lover told her she tasted bad down there, and that’s why she hates oral sex. Her breasts aren’t sensitive at all, but she fakes it because she thinks all sexy women have sensitive breasts. Trying to unearth those mysteries was one of the pleasures-and frustrations-of being a Dom.

But this wasn’t a secret; it was deliberate deception. Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his knees, staring across the water and scrub forest to the west. One by one, the stars winked out as clouds piled up on the horizon.

Beth had known how he felt about adultery. He’d made his opinion very clear. Why hadn’t she backed off or at least told him?

Because she knew he’d have been gone so fast her head would spin? Had their relationship mattered that much to her? He dropped his head in his hands and groaned. Of course it had.

He had mattered that much. He wouldn’t feel like this if she felt nothing in return. Yeah, they’d had something going between them. But she’d lied and wiped it all out. Damn her.

Fine. It was done. He could return to picking up a sub for an evening, and she would…find someone to top her? The thought punched through his chest like a bullet. He’d have to watch someone else take Beth. See his hands on her, put himself in her. And watch her respond? Nolan heard roaring in his ears, and his hands fisted.

He shoved the pictures from his mind, concentrated on the waves brushing against the canoe. Bad, Nolan, very bad. He’d never felt that kind of jealousy with his wife. Hadn’t felt it earlier today, but that was because Beth had belonged to him then; she’d been his to share for her enjoyment and his. But not anymore. Seeing her at the Shadowlands with someone else… He could feel his self-control shred at just the thought.

How could he never want to see her again and still want her so badly his muscles strained to go after her? He knew she’d destroyed what was between them, yet his mind kept flashing back to her face: white, eyes stricken, lips trembling, shoulders hunched. Every cell in his body wanted to protect her from the man who’d made her look like that.

He huffed a bitter laugh. That man would be him.

Nolan grunted at the slap of guilt. This was hopeless. His mind was going in circles like a rowboat with one oar. Picking up the paddle, he struck out for his dock. The wind gusted over the water as he paddled, and he looked up. The setting moon glowed an evil red through black clouds that now covered half the sky. In the east, the first glints of sunrise streamed through the palms, soon to be blotted out.

* * * * *

Beth’s overloaded suitcases sat in the trailer. She’d filled supermarket boxes and stacked them by the door. And she still wasn’t done packing. She’d accumulated more stuff than she’d realized. A pot here and a picture there, an African violet here, and a pillow there, all added up. She needed more boxes.

Her curtains glowed as the early morning sun hit them. Standing in the center of the apartment, Beth stretched and blinked her gritty eyes. No rest, a lot of crying, a lot of packing. She’d be lucky to not fall asleep on the road.

All right. She needed to get more boxes. Finish packing. See the apartment manager. She could notify the utility companies once she had gone; that at least could wait. Maybe it was silly to be so antsy, considering Kyler had discovered she lived in Tampa last month, but everything inside her kept screaming at her to run.

She’d almost just headed north straight from the beach, leaving everything behind.

But she couldn’t afford that. She would need the garden service tools in the trailer and all the household stuff she’d bought over the last year. It would take every penny she’d saved to start over. Again. Her chest felt like someone had coiled a band around it, and she shook her head. No more crying. Not until she was gone.

She picked up the cell phone lying on the kitchen table and sighed. She kept looking at it every few minutes, hoping it would ring. That Nolan would have received her message. That he’d call. Pretty dumb.

The quiet knock on her door filled her with joy. Nolan. Dropping the phone, she ran to the door, flung it open.

“Elizabeth, my dear.” The fist hit her face so hard she felt the skin on her cheek split against his ring, and then she hit the floor. Dazed, she fought back blindly, fists flailing away. One connected, and he cursed. Something bit into her thigh. A needle, she realized, struggling to sit up. He hit her again, knocking her flat. His foot came down on her chest, his weight pressing her down. She struggled helplessly for breath.

And the edges of the world caved in and sucked her into blackness.

* * * * *

Nolan walked into the kitchen, toweling off his hair. He hadn’t tried to sleep; that would have been a worthless effort. But pounding on the bag in his workout room had eased the anger, and a hot shower cleared his mind. Nothing would help the hollow feeling deep in his chest.

As he poured a cup of coffee, he saw the message light blinking on his answering machine. He grunted. The way his life was going, probably one of his new office buildings had collapsed. He flicked the switch and leaned against the counter to listen.

“Nolan. Sir. I was going to call you. I mean I was going to call you before and try to apologize, only now…” Beth’s voice. Thick. Wavering.

He set his coffee down slowly, feeling like someone had stomped on his chest. She’d been crying…was still crying. His guilt layered higher, brick by brick.

“Now I’m saying goodbye too.” He heard a shaky breath. “And I’m not making sense. God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you and made you… I shouldn’t have let you f-fuck me once I knew how you felt about married women.”

He winced at the word. Bad enough he’d used it, worse that she could apply it to an act that had been much more than just sex.

“But I couldn’t get a divorce. I ran away. He’ll kill me if he finds me; that’s how my fingers got broken, from the last time. So I couldn’t… But I should have told you.”

With the sound of her sob, he stalked across the kitchen. The need to wrap his arms around her and comfort her was a burning knot inside.

“But it doesn’t matter; nothing matters now. Mom said Kyler knows I’m in Tampa, so I have to leave, and I’ll never get a chance to make this right.” A sniffle, silence. “Anyway, I just wanted… I wanted to thank you. I wanted more time with you. I…” A gulping sob. “Be well, Master.”

He stared at the machine. Surely she had more to say, hadn’t just hung up. Dammit, say more!