“I like that,” she said, still checking him all over, and the other two physicians nodded, and as she touched his left arm, he let out a scream. It was broken. But there could have been worse things. And then as he cried, he looked up and saw Mary Stuart, she was still holding his little hand in her own and crying softly.
“Why you cryin’?” he asked, hiccuping on his tears. “Did you fall off the horse too?”
“No, you silly goof,” she said, coming closer to him, “you did. How do you feel now?” She was trying to distract him from what Zoe was doing, who was trying to splint the arm with some sticks she asked Gordon to hand her. Hartley was hovering near too, and Tanya was watching, looking shaken. They all were.
“My arm hurts,” Benjamin wailed, and Mary Stuart moved a little closer to him, trying not to disturb Zoe. She smoothed down his hair, and if she closed her eyes, it could have been Todd on the ground beside her, she wished it were, it would have been so wonderful to only have to deal with broken limbs or even a head injury. He was alive, he was covered with dust, he was crying… but Todd was gone now.
“You're okay, sweetheart,” Mary Stuart said softly, as she would have to her own son. “They're going to fix you all up, and I'll bet you get a cast and everyone will sign it and put funny pictures on it.”
“Will you?” He clung to Mary Stuart and ignored the others. No one knew why, but maybe it didn't matter. Maybe he had been sent to touch her, to remind her of what Todd had once been, or that there were other children like him. But what good did it do her… she had lost her baby… and yet somehow, this child had touched her. It was like a visit from her son, or at least his spirit. “Will you go to the hospital with me?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said quietly, “but let's see if we can find your mommy. I'll bet she'd like to go with you.”
“All she cares about is the baby,” he said, in tears again, and now he was pouting as she held his hand and he lay there on the dusty road waiting for the paramedics to come. But now she understood it better. She looked like his mother, so he was drawn to her, and he was angry at his own mother about the baby. Mary Stuart couldn't help wondering if their paths had crossed so she could help him, or perhaps he had come to her to help her. There was obviously a reason for their meeting.
“Benjamin,” Mary Stuart said, as she lay on the ground next to him so she could talk to him better, and by then she was as filthy as he was. “I'll bet your mommy loves you better than anyone… babies aren't really that exciting. Sure, she'll be happy to have the baby, and so will you. But you're special. You're the first one. I had a little boy just like you, and he was my special, special one… always. Because I loved him first. Your mommy is never going to love anyone better than she loves you. I promise.”
“Where did your little boy go?” He was intrigued by what she was saying, and he had heard her words very clearly.
She hesitated for only a moment. “He went to Heaven… and I miss him a lot… he was very special, just like you are.”
“Did he die?” She hated to say it to him, but she nodded. “Our dog died,” he said, sharing important information with her, and looking deep into her eyes, and then suddenly without warning he threw up all over her. Zoe wasn't surprised, and told Mary Stuart in an undervoice that he had a concussion.
“You're okay, Benjamin. You're okay, sweetheart,” Mary Stuart wiped his face with a towel someone handed her, and she stayed with him, as they all did, until the ambulance arrived with the paramedics. He was actually livelier by then, and Zoe was a little less worried about him. He looked a mess, and so did Mary Stuart, but Zoe was almost sure that he had escaped with a concussion and a broken arm, and a few bumps and bruises. He had actually been very lucky. And just as the ambulance arrived, his mother came lumbering down from the cabins as fast as she could. Gordon had sent someone to get her. And she burst into tears the moment she saw him, but Tanya and Hartley and the two doctors were quick to reassure her, and Zoe told her that she thought the damage was fairly minimal considering how fast the horse had been going, and how hard he had fallen, and he hadn't been wearing a helmet.
“Oh, Benjie,” she sat down on the ground next to him, and burst into tears as she held him. “I love you so much.” She was completely undone as she looked at all of them and thanked them, and Mary Stuart looked down at him, smiling as she cried, wanting to remind him of what she had told him, that his mom would never love anyone better. She had never loved anyone more than she loved Todd. She loved her daughter passionately, and had from the moment she was born, but she had never loved her more or less than her first baby.
She touched his hand as they put him in the ambulance, and then bent down and kissed his cheek, and it tore at her heart again as she remembered the sweet smell of childhood. Even with the vomit and the dirt and the horses, he smelled like a little boy to her, it was just a step beyond the smell of a baby. “I love you, little guy,” she whispered to him. It was just like saying it to Todd again and it almost killed her, except that it felt good too. It was as though this child had come to her to open the floodgates of her feelings. “I'll see you soon,” she said, and his mother cried and thanked her again, and then they were gone, and Mary Stuart stood there crying and she didn't know what happened but she suddenly felt a powerful pair of arms around her. She knew who it was, and she turned to him and he pulled her close to him and she couldn't stop crying as he held her.
“I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…” She didn't even know him, and she was covered with dirt and the little child's vomit, but he didn't care, he just wanted to be there.
“Oh, poor baby… I'm so sorry… I wish I had been there for you.” She looked up at him then and smiled through her tears, wondering how she had suddenly been so lucky. Maybe God thought she had paid enough for once, or maybe it was just blind luck, or maybe she was dreaming.
“He looks so much like my son,” she tried to explain it to him, but she didn't have to. The woman with the enormous belly looked so much like Mary Stuart, she could have been her younger sister, it was easy to see the resemblance.
“What a terrible time you've had,” he said as the others left them alone, and they sat down on a log for a few minutes so she could regain her composure. But just being with him she felt better. Maybe because he hadn't had an easy time either. His wife had died an agonizing death and he had been with her every moment. But she had made her peace with it finally, and he had been willing to let her go. The doctor said he had to do it, to set her free spiritually so she could die in peace. And she had died in his arms on Christmas morning.
“I'm sorry I'm such a mess. He did something to me… he just reached out and touched my heart. I don't know why that happened.”
“Some things just happen,” he said gently, as he wondered how her son had died, but he didn't want to ask her. And she could sense what he was thinking.
“My son committed suicide,” she said as though he had asked her a question, but he hadn't. And she had never said it before to anyone except Zoe. She had never had to. And no one had ever asked her. “He was at Princeton.” She told him about it then, and what it had been like, the shock, the agony of it, the funeral, her husband's reaction, all of it. It was a terrible story.
“What a nightmarish experience for all of you. It's a wonder any of you survived it,” he said with admiration.
“We didn't. My husband's a zombie, our marriage died a year ago. And I think my daughter would be just as happy if she never had to come home again, and I'm not sure I blame her. I just want to get out of there now, to put it behind me.”
“Are you sure?” he asked cautiously, wondering now that he had heard the story. They were all in shock. But what if they came out of it? She and her husband had a long history together.
“I think I'm sure,” she said honestly. “I wanted the summer to think about it,” and then she smiled, “I never expected anything like this to happen.” And she still didn't know what had, or if anything would come of it. Maybe she'd never see him again after two weeks at the ranch. That was a possibility too. She wasn't leaving Bill for him. She was doing it because she had to. “I just need to walk carefully here. I want to do the right thing, for all of us, and I think I know what that is now.”
Hartley nodded, and said nothing, he just held her, and a little while later, he walked her back to her cabin. Zoe and Tanya were having a cup of coffee, and Hartley joined them while Mary Stuart went to take a quick shower. They had just heard the lunch bell. And eventually the two women decided to go up to the dining room and get their table. They left Hartley to wait for Mary Stuart. But they were all somewhat sobered by the morning. And Mary Stuart was surprised when she came out of her bedroom, to find that her two friends had gone, and Hartley was still waiting. She thanked him for waiting for her, and he looked at her gently, and she was suddenly worried about him. He had been through a lot too, and he was being very generous with her. She had no right to hurt him by what she was doing.
“I don't want to do anything that will hurt you,” she said as she walked slowly toward him. She'd been thinking
