about it all morning. She was so attracted to him, but she didn't want to be selfish. She hadn't completely resolved the issue of Bill in her head yet, although she thought she was fairly sure of what she wanted to do now. But she still needed a little time before she told him. “You've been so good to me, and I barely know you. You've been kinder than anyone in my life, Hartley, except Tanya.”
“Thank you,” he said, and sat down on the arm of the couch as he watched her. She was wearing a red T-shirt and jeans, and she made his heart race. “I'm a grown man, Mary Stuart. Don't worry about me. We've both been through a lot, I don't want either one of us to get hurt. But I understand what the risks are. Let me do this. I want to be here with you.” She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He wanted to take a chance on her, to see if she left Bill, to wait and see what happened. And then, without saying another word to her, he took two steps toward her and pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She smelled of perfume and soap and toothpaste, everything clean and appealing, and he ran his hands through her hair as he held her. He hadn't kissed a woman in so long he had almost forgotten what it felt like, and neither of them were old enough to give up all they once had. They were like two people who had swum the English Channel and had finally crawled up on shore together, they were cold, they were tired, they were starving, but they were so grateful to have survived, and to be together. He smiled down into her eyes and then kissed her on the lips again, and she had never known a touch as tender. She suspected, without even wanting to, that he would be an incredible lover. She had no idea where this would go, and neither did he, but for the moment, they were here, in Wyoming, together, and it was all they needed.
Chapter 15
On their third day in Wyoming, Zoe lay in bed and stretched sleepily. It was not quite seven o'clock and she was going to get up in a few minutes. She could hear someone stirring in the kitchen. Mary Stuart had just gotten up, and she was yawning as she started to go to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, and she almost jumped a foot when she ran into Tanya.
“What are you doing here?” Mary Stuart said in amazement. She had never gotten up at that hour in her life, not even in college.
“Last time I looked, I live here!” She had made coffee, and muffins, and taken a yogurt out of the fridge, and she looked as though she'd already brushed her teeth and washed her face, and when Zoe came out of her room, she couldn't believe it either.
“Is something wrong?” Zoe looked worried when she saw them. Maybe there was a problem of some kind. There had to be a real emergency to get Tanya out of bed at that hour, and she couldn't believe it when she found out there wasn't.
“Oh, for God's sake, what is it with you two? I just wanted to get an early start.” But they weren't buying her explanations.
“I know what it is,” Zoe said with a broad grin. It was her turn now. Tanya had pressed Zoe about Sam and Mary Stuart about Hartley. “It's Gordon.”
“Don't be stupid,” Tanya said, “he's a wrangler.”
“What difference does that make?” Zoe said matter-of-factly. “He looks at you like you walk on water.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Tanya said as she bustled around the tiny kitchen, but there was more truth to it than they knew. The previous afternoon, they had talked of many things while they were riding. Little Benjamin's accident had shaken all of them and turned the mood serious. Gordon had talked about his son. He was grown now and Gordon hadn't seen him in two years, but he was obviously fond of him. Tanya spoke of her failed marriage to Bobby Joe, she considered it her only real one, and still regretted that it hadn't held up to the rigors of her career, although she admitted that by now she would probably have outgrown him, but now and then she still missed him. And now that she was alone again, she wondered what it was all about. What was she going to end up with? A bunch of gold records, a pile of money, a big house? She had no husband, no kids, no one to take care of her when she got old, no one to be with, and share her victories and defeats with. It all seemed so pointless, and the place she had reached in her life seemed so empty. It was what everyone in Hollywood wanted, and the truth was it meant nothing to her. It had been serious stuff to share with him, but he had made a lot of sense, and been very comforting to her. He was smart and practical and down-to-earth, and so was she, and in an odd way they had a lot in common. He would have liked to talk to her some more, but they had to go back to the corral, and the wranglers were only allowed to eat with the guests on Sunday, unless they had a day off, which Gordon did. But Tanya liked talking to him. There were many things she liked about him. And she didn't mind his simplicity or his occasional roughness. He was never unkind, or thoughtless, there was nothing greedy or cruel about him, and he was very intelligent. She even liked the fact that they were fellow Texans, but she didn't feel ready to tell the others.
“Are you keeping secrets from us?” Zoe teased her, and Mary Stuart laughed at her too. But Tanya just ignored them and went to finish dressing. She looked particularly spectacular that day in a pair of bleached jeans, and a peach colored T-shirt. She was even wearing a new pair of boots, a pair of apricot hand-embroidered ones that she had bought a while before in Texas.
And when they went to the dining room for breakfast with the other guests, Hartley was waiting for them. He looked very cheerful, and very comfortable as he put an arm around Mary Stuart, and said a warm hello to the others. He smelled of soap and aftershave, and looked very handsome in a white shirt and blue jeans, and Tanya couldn't help thinking that he and Mary Stuart looked terrific together. They looked as though they were meant to be, and Zoe agreed with her, as she commented on it later, on the way to the stables.
Little Benjamin was waiting for them there, and having everyone sign his cast. Tanya gave him a big kiss and an autograph, and a bunch of young girls asked her for one too, and their mothers let them. People were more relaxed about seeing her around, but no one was taking sneaky pictures of her, which she appreciated. And when Gordon saw her, he waved, he was saddling up a bunch of horses. As always they were among the last to ride, and Mary Stuart sat on a bench with Benjamin on her lap, nuzzling his neck, and talking to him. He was like a gift now.
“You sure scared us yesterday, you wild guy you,” she said, remembering the sight of him flying toward the stables on the runaway horse and then sailing into the air, and onto the rocky roadway.
“The doctor said I should have broken my neck, but I didn't.”
“Well, that's lucky.”
“Yeah, and my mommy cried.” He looked at Mary Stuart seriously then. “You were right. She says she's never gonna love the baby like she loves me. I told her you said so.”
“Good.”
“She said I'd always be special.” And then he brought tears to her eyes again with a gesture that hit her like a fist to the solar plexus. “I'm sorry about your little boy,” he said as he kissed her.
“Me too,” she said, as her eyes filled with tears and her lips trembled, and Hartley watched her. “I still love him very, very much,” she said, barely able to speak. “He's still very special.”
“Can you see him sometimes?” he asked, puzzled by death. They were the kind of questions Todd would have asked her at his age, and she would have tried to answer, but she was honest with him.
“No, I can't. Not anymore. Just in my heart. I see him there all the time. And in pictures.”
“What's his name?”
“Todd.” Benjie nodded, as though that were sufficient introduction. And then a little while later he got off her lap and went to look at the horses, and then back up to their cabin to his mother. He seemed satisfied with his visit, and then Mary Stuart and Tanya and the others went out with Gordon. Hartley was looking at Mary Stuart, and she smiled. Dealing with Benjamin was still painful. He was so direct with her, but maybe it was healthy for her. It certainly wasn't easy, and Hartley gave her a quick squeeze before she got on her horse and told her she was terrific.
“I don't know what I ever did to get so lucky,” she answered.
“Clean living,” he teased her. And they had a nice ride that morning. Zoe was looking tired, so she took it easy, and the doctors had gone for a rafting trip in Yellowstone, so she rode along with Hartley and Mary Stuart. And Gordon and Tanya rode on ahead, and he invited her to the rodeo that night. He was in it.
“Are you kidding? What events do you ride in?”
He looked sheepish for a minute. “Bulls and broncs. I've done it since Texas.”
