“Because I love you,” he said, praying she'd hear him.
“I love you too,” she said cautiously, “but let's not rush into this, let's take it slowly.” He liked what she was saying, because it meant she thought she had some time to make decisions, and that meant she was optimistic, which was important. But he really did want to marry her. But he knew he might convince her more easily in person.
“I'm awfully glad I called you today,” he said happily. “I got advice about a patient, a job, full-time preferably, and possibly a wife. This was a very fruitful conversation,” he said, and she laughed.
“I can't believe I left a lunatic like you in charge of my clinic.”
“Neither can I. But your patients love me. Think how happy they'll be when we're Dr. and Dr. Warner.”
“I have to take your name too?” She was laughing. She really did love him. She had been so fond of him for so long, but she had never allowed her feelings for him to move forward. She had been too busy taking care of her patients to let herself be anything more than a doctor, and mother,
“You can call yourself anything you like if you marry me,” Sam told her magnanimously. “I'm very openminded.”
“You're crazy,” and then she grew serious for a moment, although they were both in good spirits. “Thank you, Sam… I think you're wonderful,” she said honestly, “and I really do love you,” she said softly. “It scared me before how much I liked you, but I was determined not to get you into a mess like this. And you walked yourself right into it. You can still change your mind if you want.”
“I'm here forever,” he said calmly.
“I wish I were,” she said sadly.
“You might be. If I have anything to do with it, you will.”
“At least my work will be… and the clinic… and Jade… and you… and my friends…”
“If you ask me, it sounds like a lot to stick around for.”
“I'll do everything I can, Sam. I promise.”
“Good. Then get a lot of rest while you're there and come back healthy, and check yourself into the hospital if the diarrhea doesn't stop.”
“It has,” she said, and that reassured him.
“Drink a lot of fluids.”
“I know. I'm a doctor. Don't worry. I'll be good. I swear.”
“I love you.” It was odd. It was so totally unexpected. He was so happy suddenly. She loved him. She had AIDS, it was terrible news, and yet in some crazy way he was happy, and so was Zoe. She was still smiling when Mary Stuart and Tanya came in later after lunch to check her.
“What happened to you?” Tanya asked suspiciously. “You look like the cat that swallowed the canary.”
“I talked to Sam. He's going to come to work at the clinic full-time.”
“Wow, that's terrific,” Mary Stuart said enthusiastically, she knew what a relief that was for Zoe.
“No, no, wait… she's lying,” Tanya said, narrowing her eyes and looking at their old buddy. “There's more, and she's not telling.”
“No, there's not.” But she was laughing as she said it. It was a far cry from the intensity and sorrow of the morning.
“What else did he say?” Zoe was grinning from ear to ear as she tried to avoid Tanya's question.
“Nothing. I told him,” she hesitated, looking more serious suddenly, “that I was positive.” She hated to say the words, and then she looked at her friends with wide eyes filled with disbelief, still unable to believe what he had said to her at lunchtime.
“What did he say to you?” Mary Stuart asked gently, and Zoe turned to her with a broad smile of amazement.
“He asked me to marry him. Can you believe that?” The other women's jaws dropped, and they looked at her in delighted disbelief, but it was Tanya who spoke first.
“Let's get you healthy so you can go home to this guy, before someone else grabs him. He sounds terrific.”
“He really is.” Zoe had no idea what she was going to do yet. But she was going to be with him, and work with him, and let herself experience everything that life offered her, and if he really wanted to marry her, then maybe she would. But whether or not she married him, she knew she loved him, and that was the most important thing.
“Well, I'll be damned,” Mary Stuart said, enormously impressed by Dr. Sam Warner.
The three of them talked about it for a little while, and then Mary Stuart and Tanya went out for the afternoon, since Zoe seemed to be doing so much better. Hartley and Mary Stuart went for a hike that afternoon, and talked about a number of things, especially Zoe and a man who was brave enough to marry a woman he loved and knew was dying. They both thought it was an extraordinary gesture, and they loved him for it.
And Tanya went out riding with Gordon. They were lucky that day. No one else in her party wanted to ride, Hartley was on the hike with Mary Stuart, and the doctors from Chicago had gone fishing that afternoon, so they were actually alone, without even planning it. Gordon took her to a waterfall in the mountains, on horseback, and they dismounted for a while, and lay in the tall grass among the wildflowers while he held her and they kissed, and it took a superhuman effort not to let it go any further, but they wanted to move as slowly as they could, despite the limited time they had. They already felt as though they were on an express train. But it was the most beautiful afternoon of her life, as she lay looking up at him, and then he lay next to her, and they looked at the mountains. They walked for a while, hand in hand, leading their horses, talking about their childhoods, and they talked about Zoe too, and Sam's remarkable love for her. They were brave people in a hard world. And in her own way, Tanya was too. She had come a long way in her life, and now suddenly, there was someone solid and warm and kind beside her. It frightened her a little bit to think of what the press would make of it, and she tried to warn him of the damage they could do, the hurt they could inflict, but he didn't seem to care, and he told Tanya to look around them.
“As long as we have this, how can you care about all that? It is so unimportant. We're all that matters, and what we are to each other.”
“And if we don't have this anymore?” she asked, looking around her, and thinking of going back to California.
“We will,” he said quietly, “we have to. As long as we have something here, a place we can come to, to get sane again, maybe the rest of that insanity won't matter.” It was an interesting idea, and she liked it. Maybe he was right, and she should buy a place in Wyoming. She could certainly afford it. She could even sell the house in Malibu. It was huge, and she almost never went there.
“I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of a whole new life,” she said, as they stood on a bluff, looking out over the valley. They could see buffalo, and elk, and cattie, and horses. It was an amazing sight, and she could see easily why he loved it.
“You are standing on the edge of a new life,” he said calmly, and then he turned her toward him again, put his arms around her, and kissed her.
Chapter 17
On Friday morning, Zoe was still asleep when Tanya tiptoed in to look at her, but she seemed peaceful, she'd eaten well the night before, and Mary Stuart agreed when she came in that Zoe's color was better.
They were just going out to ride, when she got up, and wandered into the living room in her nightgown, and they were pleased to see that they'd been right. She looked a great deal better.
“How do you feel?” Mary Stuart asked solicitously. They were both so worried about her.
“Like a new woman,” Zoe said, almost sorry she told them. She wondered if she shouldn't have said she had AIDS, but the cat was out of the bag now, and it meant a lot to her to have them support her. “I'm sorry I was so much trouble yesterday.” Tanya wanted to tell her how sorry she was that Zoe had pricked her finger the year before, and contracted AIDS, but she didn't.
“Don't be silly.” Their eyes met and held and they each knew what the other was thinking. There was real love there, and compassion and caring. They were the kind of friends that came along once in a lifetime. “We want you
