The Mad and the MacAbre

It would be fine. He'd left women in his basement countless times while at work. It even made the day more pleasant, knowing they were down there. He'd simply have to treat this situation no differently than any of the others. If there'd been a witness, the cops would've been at his door by now, so he'd just trust that the security measures he already had in place were sufficient. And maybe this was a good thing. His job was pretty boring, so he'd have all day to brainstorm ideas on how to let Patti live.

And after he dealt with that, he thought he might build Kutter a doghouse.

* * *

Charlie stared at the stapled papers.

Alicia had been doing so well, but there it was, stapled in the top center instead of the top left. Only one of them--the others were done correctly--but this could be the start of a trend. If he didn't say something, the entire batch of papers could be improperly stapled tomorrow. He'd have to pluck out all of the staples and redo them, which wasted staples and put his fingertips at risk for puncturing.

He started to type an e-mail to Bob, then stopped after 'Bob, I need to bring to your attention--'

Alicia was always nice to him. She was the one who'd suggested that he keep Kutter. If he hadn't listened to her, Kutter could've been gassed or adopted by an unloving home. She'd said that if he had a problem with her, he should bring it to her directly, so that's what he'd do. She deserved that much.

He picked up the flawed papers and walked over to her desk.

'Uh-oh, did I screw something up?' Alicia asked.

Charlie shook his head. 'No. It's all fine.'

What was he saying? It wasn't fine. It was wrong in a way that he'd already asked her to fix. Why was he suddenly compelled not to mention it?

Coming over to her desk was a mistake. He should've just e-mailed Bob. It was never a good idea to change the plan.

Alicia was a lot more beautiful than he remembered.

'I just wanted to tell you that I get to keep the dog,' he said. 'The real owner came over, but he's letting me keep him.'

'Really? That's great! I bet you're thrilled!'

'Yeah. So...thanks.'

'For what?'

'For your help.'

'Oh, I didn't do anything. I just told you to keep him.'

'That helped.'

Alicia smiled. 'Well, then I graciously accept your thanks. Now tape a damn dog picture to your monitor. That's the rule.'

'Okay.'

She returned her attention to her work. Charlie didn't leave. His mouth had dried up and he ran his tongue all over the inside, trying to replenish the moisture so he could speak.

'Did you...did you want to get coffee sometime?' he finally asked.

Her smile faltered. Just for a fraction of a second, but it faltered.

'You know,' she said, 'some of us get drinks after work on Wednesdays.'

He knew. Alicia had mentioned it a couple of times, but he always declined the offer. It sounded boring.

'You should come with us.'

Did she really want him to come along, or was she just trying to get out of a coffee date? He was almost positive it was the latter. He couldn't blame her for that.

'I didn't mean it like that,' he said. 'I wasn't asking to...I wasn't asking because I wanted to...'

'No, no, I understood. Coffee as friends. I'm sure you have a rule against dating co-workers just like I do. But you really should come with us for drinks on Wednesday. Coffee counts as a drink.'

'Maybe.'

'Is that a legitimate maybe, or a maybe meaning no?'

'A legitimate one.'

'Great! We'll look forward to having you along.'

Charlie returned to his desk, feeling humiliated. He never should have asked her out. That was idiotic. There was no possible way she'd ever have said 'yes,' and now she'd go around the office telling everybody what he'd done.

He could hear her voice: 'Oh, he's got a cute little crush on me! It's so adorable!' She probably thought he was a pathetic little puppy, following her around, too stupid to know that she was out of his league.

He wasn't sure if he should go with them on Wednesday or not. Most likely, Alicia had just invited him to escape from the awkward social situation.

He'd leave her alone from now on.

* * *

After an endless day, Charlie drove home. At least he knew Kutter wouldn't decline his invitation to go for a walk.

As soon as his key touched the lock, he could hear Kutter's happy barking on the other side of the door. He opened the door and his best friend gave him the usual wildly enthusiastic greeting. 'Good boy,' Charlie said, crouching down and petting him. 'You're always a good boy, aren't you?'

He glanced over at his couch.

No new tooth marks. No stuffing all over the floor.

However, there was a big puddle of vomit on the left cushion, much of which had trickled down the front and onto his carpet.

'Aw, come on, Kutter, why would you do that?' Charlie asked. 'You couldn't hold it in until I got home? I've got an entire kitchen of tiled floor that you could've puked on. Why did you need to do that on my couch?'

Kutter did not answer.

'What are you even eating that you would've--aw, shit!'

Literally.

'That's horrible, Kutter. Horrible. That's a horrible thing to eat and a horrible thing to vomit on my couch. I can't believe you would do that.'

Charlie's was not always a life of great dignity--after all, he'd once found himself in his basement sobbing over the corpse of a victim who'd died too soon--but he'd never eaten and thrown up his own feces. Even his moments of most intense shame were never that low.

'You suck, Kutter.' Charlie glared at his dog. 'If I had let you lick my face before I saw that, you'd be out on the street.'

Oh well. If there was one thing that Charlie's home didn't lack, it was cleaning supplies.

He took Kutter for a much shorter walk than usual, then brought him back inside and took off his leash. When Charlie opened the basement door, Kutter pushed past him and ran down the stairs. Charlie didn't bother calling him back--Kutter couldn't jump up on the table, and Patti couldn't get down, so it really didn't matter if the dog was down there or not.

He had mentally run through scenarios all day, trying to figure out how he could let Patti go without putting himself in serious danger. He couldn't think of any, except to leave her here and flee to his cabin, but even in that scenario he'd be more likely to get captured and arrested than if he just killed her. Still, he was the first to admit that he didn't always think of every possibility, and he hoped that she'd been more successful.

Kutter scampered around the room while Charlie cut off Patti's gag. 'Do you have to go to the bathroom?' he asked.

'No.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes.'

She looked scared, but she also looked defiant. She could be as defiant as she wanted--she was still strapped