may come from North of the Border. Another should be easily discovered since he has only one testicle, and this one,' he gestured towards it with his pipe, 'has a curious tattoo of a Masonic nature on the foreskin.' He scrutinised the print, 'I shall need my magnifying glass. I believe you may be sitting on it, Ma'am.'
'Wfffllll, oooffl, gluppp,' she said, unable to speak with her mouth full.
Holmes looked at our visitor with a slight gesture of impatience.
'If I might prevail upon you to disengage yourself from my assistant, Ma'am, I must ask you some questions.' With a guilty start, our delightful visitor withdrew her lips that had been so energetically sucking and teasing at the by now greatly swollen head and shaft of my member. I must have made some involuntary gesture of disappointment for I had been but moments away from discharging the full contents of my throbbing testicles down the length of my cock and into that warm, receptive mouth. Realising my distress, she took hold of Mr. Pego in her hand and slipped one of her gloves on to him.
'I am sorry,' she said, 'but we have to attend to the subject of my visit. This will at least keep him warm until I am able to resume my ministrations. I know that it is unfair in the extreme to leave a man in such a state of expectation.'
How thoughtful she was, I thought to myself, although her kind action had left me in a rather delicate social dilemma. It would be ungallant to remove a lady's glove when it had been so understandingly pressed upon me, yet I could not easily thrust prick and glove together back inside my trousers. I realised that I should have to leave my unusually ornamented member protruding en plein air while I played my part in the consultation that was about to begin.
'Let us first consider whether the blackmailer is in fact your husband and not some other scoundrel who has gained access to the evidence of your extra-marital adventures,' said Holmes. 'May I ask you, Ma'am, to describe in detail the circumstances of the delivery of the threat.'
'Some three weeks ago,' said Lady M-, 'a large envelope was presented at the front door by a street urchin. He announced to my maid that he had been handed the package by a man he had never seen before, along with tuppence, and told to ensure that it was delivered to me personally, and that it contained documents of a strictly private nature and was to be opened by no-one but myself.'
'An impertinent demand,' said Holmes. 'But do you recall anything distinctive about your visitor?'
'He was an urchin like any other,' Lady M- replied. 'Badly dressed in hand-me-downs and clearly a stranger to soap and water.'
'And did you not ask about the stranger who had entrusted him with the errand?'
'Why, no,' she said hesitantly. 'You will understand that I am not unaccustomed to the clandestine delivery of billets doux and letters of assignation.'
'Of course,' said Holmes. 'Given the nature and, may I say, the complexity of your extra-domestic arrangements, such anonymous missives must arrive with some regularity.'
'That is so,' she said with a quick smile as she dropped her eyes in modesty. Unfortunately this caused her gaze to fasten upon my gloved member and she gave a little giggle. A consolatory hand reached out and, like a devout Catholic playing unconsciously with her rosary beads, she began to fiddle with me. Some instinct, most probably of neatness, led her to smooth the glove along my ramrod so that the head was forced into the opening of the middle finger of the glove. Such an entry was of course impossible and as the thin fabric stretched in its unachievable task of containment, I realised that if she continued with this course of action, however pleasant, some damage to the seams of the thin silk of her glove would inevitably be done.
I closed my hand over hers in warning. She ceased her stroking and pulling but continued to hold on to the tip between her thumb and first finger. Absent-mindedly she continued to toy with it, as though seeking some assurance.
At this juncture, Holmes smacked the dottle out of his pipe against the fender and held it out in my direction. 'A two pipe problem,' he said, if you would be so good as to replenish it. A generous filling, and packed well down.'
As I prised my prick somewhat reluctantly from the hands of Lady M- and her gentle kneadings, I took the proffered pipe and began to stuff it with the sweet-smelling oriental mixture.
'Now,' said Holmes, 'the note. Do you still have it?? 'I have brought it with me,' said Lady M — , 'together with the enclosures.'
'Enclosures?' said Holmes.
'A set of pictures that would appear to be duplicates of those that you have received. Although I have of course had but the briefest glimpse of your set.'
'May I inspect the note first of all,' said Holmes.
She reached into her reticule and drew out a well-folded piece of paper.
'An obviously disguised hand,' said Holmes, 'but clearly that of a man of some education, correct in the spelling and grammatical construction. We are not dealing with some working class fellow from the criminal classes.'
'A man?' I asked. 'How can you tell?'
'You will find in the library a monograph on the science of handwriting,' he said a little impatiently. 'Written by myself, it was, in all modesty, well received by the Society of Calligraphers when I presented it at their annual conference. The fruits of a lifetime's study. I have conclusively demonstrated that the gender, class and much of the character of any individual can be deduced from a careful examination of even the smallest sample of a script.
'I have attempted long and fruitlessly, I am sorry to say, to engage the interest of those clodhopping asses at Scotland Yard in my researches. It could in many cases be a valuable aid to detection. You may recall the Case of the One-Armed Plenipotentiary where I was able to render some small service to the forces of law and order. The Home Secretary of the time was rightfully very grateful and a discreet Honour was subsequently bestowed on me at a private investiture by Her Majesty. Not that I set any store by such baubles. The successful application of the Intellect in the solution of any problem is satisfaction enough, I find.'
I could not but notice that a note close to self-satisfaction had crept into his voice. Lady M-was also growing a little restless as he reminisced. She caught my eye, smiled, and fingered the top buttons of her dress in a most provocative fashion. As she drew a deep breath, her enticing bosom rose so that the shadowed valley between her creamy, plump titties was exposed. Mr. Pego, who had been showing some signs of relaxing, re-erected in an instant.
Meanwhile Holmes took a deep suck at his pipe, drawing the smoke down into his lungs and holding it there. His eyes closed as though in a trance. 'Aaarrrgh,' he murmured as he exhaled, 'I feel my mental processes at work.'
Lady M-reached out and took my hand in hers. She raised it to her lips and moistened a fingertip before inserting it deep down the front of her barely buttoned bodice and placing it on the unseen nipple that rose unhesitatingly to my touch. Gently I rubbed it and felt it hard and fat against my skin. She leaned forward so that her breast nestled in my cupped hand. I squeezed it carefully, trying not to disturb Holmes' cerebral concentration.
Holmes began to read, at first to himself but then out loud.
'“If you wish to retain your place in polite society, you will recognise, dear Lady M-, that it would be greatly to your advantage to obtain possession, not only of these prints but of the original photographic plates. These can be delivered to you with complete discretion at any time that you may choose. We both understand that the greatest care must be taken to ensure that they do not fall into the hands of any third party, in particular the editor of one of the public prints, nor, it goes without saying, of your husband.
'“There will of course be certain unavoidable expenses in order to assure both safe delivery of the originals and to ensure my continued silence in the matter.'”
Holmes read on silently. Lady M-had frozen at his words, my hand still clamped firmly on her breast. I essayed a tentative squeeze to show my sympathy with her plight but she did not react. Mr. Pego, sensitive as ever to the nuances of the situation, lowered his head. Holmes read on, once more out loud.
'The transfer of a very substantial amount of money will be necessary.'
Lady M-bowed her head and a tear trickled down her cheek. I pulled her glove off my prick and handed it to her so that she could mop her eyes. She sniffed.
'Thank you Mr.-?' she said.
'Scott,' I said. 'Andrew Scott.'
