I told him that would be a pretty trick to see, but maybe he'd better not attempt it. 'Might be you'd get it around your own neck.'
'Maybe,' Buck said. 'But then I reckon not. I reckon I could go right on a-playin' a part, like! got so much practice doin' around Ken Lacey.'
'Such as?' I said.
'Such as bein' in such a state of fear and tremblin' that I didn't dast do anything when you told me you was goin' to kill them two pimps. Also, along with being feared and trembly, I was just plain stupid, and I didn't reckon there was no way we could ever convict you until this fella, George Barnes, came along and he don't like you none at all nohow an' I figure he could somehow prove the truth with me tellin' him what it was, an' also swearin' to it.'
'Buck,' I said. 'Listen to me, Buck…'
'Uh-huh.' Buck shook his head. 'let a peck of dirt a day, every day I worked for Ken Lacey. Et so much dirt that I could feel it seepin' out of me, and I couldn't hardly bear to hug my kids no more nor t'sheep with my wife for fear it would rub off on them, and they couldn't never get clean like I figured I couldn't never get clean. Well, now, I got a chance to stop eatin' it and put Ken Lacey under six feet of it. And don't you try to stop me, Nick. You try to stop me, and t'me you're just Ken Lacey; you're his twin brother, spoonin' the dirt into me every time I open my mouth, and I just can't eat no more. I just can't, by God, I CAN'T EAT NO MORE DIRT! I C- CAN'T-'
His jaw snapped shut. He brushed his nose with his sleeve, his eyes burnin' into mine. 'That's it, Nick. I'd rather it was Ken, but it's goin' to be you or him.'
I took a drink from my glass, giving him time to get calmed down a little.
Then I told him why he couldn't do it, revealin' who I was for the first time. He didn't seem a speck surprised, beyond raising his eyebrows for a second. The fact was, I guess, that he probably thought I was jokin' or crazy-he didn't care much which. An' I suppose! should have expected that-because what would you have thought?-but I was still a mite disappointed.
I told him again, just to make sure he'd heard me right. He shook his head, sayin' he reckoned I was wrong.
'Prob'ly got yourself mixed up with that other fella,' he said. 'The one with the same front initial.'
'That's right, Buck!' I said. 'That's right! I'm both, don't you see? The fella that gets betrayed and the one that does the betrayin' all in one man!'
He didn't seem even nowheres near convinced. I jumped up and went over to the window, thinkin' that maybe I would see a sign. But all I could see was a couple of dogs, frolickin' around and sniffing each other.
I stood watching them, and I guess I laughed out loud without knowin' it.
'That grave-dirt ticklin' you?' Buck drawled. 'You already got one foot in it, you know.'
'I was just watching a couple of dogs out here,' I said, 'and it reminded me of a story I heard one time. You ever hear it, Buck?-! mean why dogs always go around sniffing each other's asses?'
Buck said he hadn't heard it. 'Can't say that I'm real interested in hearin' it, neither, just in case you was figurin' on telling it.'
I said, that, well, sir, accordin' to this story, all the dogs in the world held a convention back in the beginning of time, their purpose being to set up a code of conduct, like maybe it shouldn't be fair to bite each other in the balls and so on. And there was this one dog that had a copy of Robert's Rules of Order that he'd got somewhere, prob'ly at the same place Cain got his wife. So he automatically became chairman, and the first thing he done was to declare the entire convention a committee of the hole. 'Fellas,' he says, 'canines of the convention. I don't want to tread on no honorable dogs' paws, so I'll just put it this way. When we go back in them smoke-filled rooms to caucus, I'm sure we don't want to smell nothing but smoke, and the best thing to do it seems to me is to pile our assholes outside, and if someone will make a motion to that effect, I'll certainly be glad to put a second on it.' Well, sir, it seemed like such a danged good idea that every dog in the convention jumped up to make the motion, so the chairman declared it passed by acclamation, and there was a brief recess while all the dogs went outside to stack up their asshohes. Then, they went back inside t'carry out their business. And god-danged if a heck of a storm didn't blow up out of nowhere, and it scattered them asshohes every which way, mixin' 'em up so bad that not a one of them dogs was ever able to find his own. So that's why they still go around sniffing butts, and they'll probably keep on until the end of time. Because a dog that's lost his ass just can't be happy, even if one of 'em is pretty much like another, and the one he has is in good working order.
'What I'm saying is this, Buck,' I said. 'Hang on to your own ass, and don't try to get Ken's. For all you know, he may be eatin' a lot worse than dirt and I may be too, and you'll be a lot happier like you are.'
'Is that all you got to say?' Buck said, and I could hear him getting up from his chair. 'You're sure that's all you got to say?'
I hesitated, thinkin' I should be able to come up with somethin'. Because it was all so clear to me, Christ knew it was clear: love one another and don't screw no one unless they're bending over, and forgive us our trespasses because we may be a minority of one. For God's sake,
But I couldn't make him see that. He was as blind as the rest of 'em.
'Well, Nick? I ain't waiting much longer.'
'And you don't have to, Buck,' I said. 'You don't have to because I finally come to a decision. I've been a long time comin' to it; it's been the product of thinkin' and thinkin' and thinkin', and then some more thinkin'. And dependin' on how you look at it, it's the god-dangest whingdingest decision ever made, or it's the skitty-assed worst. Because it explains everything that goes on in the world-it answers everything and it answers nothing.
'So here it is, Buck, here's my decision. I thought and I thought and then I thought some more, and finally I came to a decision. I decided I don't no more know what to do than if I was just another lousy human being!'
