The Kill-Off

'Well, we'll-You leave me alone!' I said. 'You stop it! You're j-just as mean and hateful as-as-' And I broke down and began to cry. Undignified as it was, and as much as I despise weepy women.

That's probably how that girl holds onto Ralph-by crying all over him. Making him feel sorry for her. Ralph is so good-hearted, you know. He hates to see anyone unhappy, and he just won't let them be. And they just about can't be when he's around. He's so much fun, so sweet and funny at the same time, and-

At least, he was-the mean, selfish thing! Why, even this morning, he was carrying on pretty much as he used to. And it was just pretense, of course, but I almost forgot that it was, and… and it was nice.

'Come on, Luane,' Kossy said. 'Let's have it.'

'I c-can't!' I said. 'I don't know what you're talking about. You leave me alone, you mean hateful thing, you!'

'Look, Luane-' He put his hand on my shoulder, and I shook it off. 'Don't you see it, honey? Don't you see that you can't hold Ralph in a trap without being in it yourself? Of course, you do. That's why you're so frightened, as you have every right to be. Let him go, Luane. Let him out of that corner you've got him in. If you don't…'

'K-Kossy,' I said. 'Kossy, d-darling… you don't really think he would, do you? Y-you said you didn't-couldn't see him k-killing-'

'God!' He slapped his forehead. 'Oh, God! I-Look. Tell me what it is, what you're squeezing Ralph with. I have to know, don't you understand that?'

'I k-know… I mean, I can't!' I said. 'There isn't anything, and-don't you dare say there is! Don't you dare tell anyone there's something-that I'm-'

He sighed and stood up. He said something about my being his client, God help him, whatever that meant: probably that it wouldn't be ethical for him to say anything. Not that that would stop him, of course. He's always talking, saying mean things about me. I haven't said anything half as mean about him as he has about me. Every time he leaves here, he goes around laughing and telling people how old and ugly I look.

Anyway, he certainly doesn't know anything. He's always contradicting himself, saying one thing one minute and something else the next.

First he tells me that Ralph won't kill me, and then he says he will. He says that Ralph won't, but that there's plenty of others who might. And if that doesn't prove he's crazy, what would? Kill me-a bunch of cowardly, lying, lowdown sneaks like they are! They don't have the nerve. They have no reason to. I've never done anything to harm them.

I've never harmed anyone, Ralph least of all, but now…

NOW! Ralph? Is it Ralph on the stairs? But why won't he answer me? What can he gain by not answering? Why is he doing it-if it is he, if he is going to-this way? To lure me out there? Maybe I shouldn't go. But if I don't… It must be someone else. It simply wouldn't make sense for Ralph to do it this way. As for someone else, why would they-he-she…? They're afraid, unsure? They haven't made up their mind? They're waiting to see what I do? They're trying to lure me out of the room-like Ralph would, is, might?

If I only knew, I might save myself. If I knew who it was-before the person becomes sure-I might save myself.

If… If I go out. If I don't go out.

Save me, I prayed. Just let me save myself. That's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted. And that's certainly not very much to ask, is it?

I went out.

I saw who it was.

9:

DANNY LEE

Although I am but of a humble station in life, I come from a proud old southern family, which was directly descended from that proud old southern warrior, Robert E. Lee, and we lived in a proud southern village which shall here be Nameless. Then, when I was but a slip of a girl, I loved unwisely and not too well, and my proud old father drove me out into the storm one bitter night. So, I went to a large city where I stumbled anew into a new pitfall. I mean, I didn't do anything wrong, really. Never again did I repeat my first and only fatal mistake. But there was this place I worked in where you could hustle drinks and where if you could sing a little or dance or something like that, you could keep whatever the customers gave you. And one night an orchestra leader entered its portals, and I innocently agreed to accompany him to his room. I didn't have the slightest idea of what evil designs he wanted. I simply went because I felt sorry for him, and I had to send some money back to my invalid mother and my two brothers, and-

Oh, I did not! I'm making all of this up.

I don't have any mother or brothers or any family except my father, and if he has anything to be proud of I don't know what it is. The last time I heard he was in jail again for bootlegging back in our home town.

He had a little two-by-four restaurant. I used to serve drinks to the customers, and two or three times when it was someone I liked real well and I simply had to have something to wear or go naked, I let them you-know. I finally picked up a dose from one of them. Pa said that as long as I got it, I could figure out how to get rid of it. So I stole ten dollars he had hidden, and went to a place near Fort Worth.

I couldn't get a restaurant job, which was the only kind of work I knew, since I couldn't get a health certificate. And I couldn't get that, of course, until I got over the dose. So practically flat broke as I was-without even money enough for a room-it looked like I was really in a pickle.

I said it looked that way. Because actually, I guess, it was lucky I didn't have room money. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gone into that cheap little burlesque house just to rest a while and try to think.

There were four chorus girls in the line. Pretty old girls, it looked like. I didn't think they could sing half as good as I could, and the dancing they did was mostly just wiggling and shaking. I watched and listened to them a while. Finally, I got up enough nerve to go to the manager and ask him for a job.

He took me into his office. I sang and wiggled for him, and he said I was okay, but he didn't have a job open right then. Then, he winked and asked me how about it-you know-and said there was a fast ten bucks in it for me. I told him, I couldn't. He offered me twenty, and I told him no again. And I told him why, because it would be a dirty trick on him. He was awfully appreciative. He said most girls in my position would have taken the money, and not given a damn whether they dosed some poor son-of-a-bitch. (Those are his own words and I'm only repeating them because I want to tell the whole truth and not leave out anything. Not a bit more than I have to. I don't use that kind of language myself.)

He appreciated my telling him so much that he gave me a job after all. He had to fire another girl to do it, and naturally I was sorry for that. But she was really too old to be working, anyway. I told her so, when she started cursing me out. And she didn't have much to say after that.

I started seeing a doctor right away-as soon as I got a paycheck. He got me cleared up fast, and things were pretty nice from then on. For quite a while. All the men who came to the show-you hardly ever saw a woman- liked me. They'd start clapping and whistling and calling for me, even while the other girls were doing their numbers. Then, when I went on stage they wouldn't let me go. They were really crazy about me, even if it doesn't sound nice for me to say so, and I couldn't begin to tell you how many of them tried to date me up. If I'd been willing to you-know for money like some of the other girls did, I could have made all kinds. I wouldn't have had to just barely skimp by like I was doing, because that manager could really squeeze a quarter until the eagle screamed. But, anyway, I didn't do it. Not even once, as much as I was tempted.

I remember one time when I just about had to have a new pair of shoes, and I saw an absolutely darling pair in a window, marked down from twenty-three ninety-nine to fourteen ninety-eight. It was such a wonderful bargain, I just didn't see how I could pass it up. I felt like I'd die if I didn't have those shoes! And while I was standing there a man who came to the show all the time came along, and offered to buy them for me. But I turned him down. I hesitated a moment first, but I did.