That’s How I Roll

“But I’ve heard of you,” DeAngelo went on. “I know I need to reach an understanding with you if I want to move my product in this part of the state.”

“Not going to happen,” Lansdale said. “Your people come to these parts, they’re going to stick out like the bull’s-eye on a shooting range.”

“No, man. I’m not talking about some little hand-to-hand stuff. In the business I’m speaking of, you’d be a retailer, okay? Which means you have to get your product from a wholesaler. Now, me, I am a wholesaler.

“All that means is weight; it doesn’t say a word about quality. So I came here to give you my personal guarantee that my product is pure. You can step on it a lot heavier than anything you’re getting now and you’ll still be selling better stuff. Despite that, I’ll match any price you’re paying.

“So far, all I’ve done is talk. You don’t know me, you don’t know my reputation, so I understand that I have to prove myself in. And I’m ready to do just that.

“How would it be if I left you a serious sample—I’m talking three keys—completely on trust? You take my sample, you test it anyway you want, then you’ll know how much cut it’ll hold. After that, you just distribute it. You’ll at least double your usual take from the same amount. And you don’t owe me a dime until my stuff proves out.

“Now, sure, you could just give me a blank look when I showed up later, looking to get paid. You could say, ‘What three keys?’ I’ll take that chance, because, once you see how much money there is to be made, ripping off three keys wouldn’t be worth it. A bad business decision.

“See what I’m saying here? No way you can lose. When you’re out of product, you just let me know—we got all kinds of ways you can do that—and I come back with a new load. All you have to do is pay me for the one you already made serious money on.

“Now, where else could you find a wholesaler who’d hand over product on trust? That’s not the way the game works. But I’m not just a wholesaler, I’m an innovator.

“If you and me can do business, then we both make bank. I get a bigger market for my product than anyone expects I could—and you make more money for yourself … a lot more money.

“And I don’t want to stop there. We can agree to sharing the wealth, sure. But if we increase the wealth, we could end up sharing a much bigger pie. You feeling me?”

It was quiet for a couple of seconds. Then Lansdale said, “I wouldn’t feel you with barbecue tongs.”

Then it was DeAngelo’s turn to go quiet. But not for long. “Yeah. All right, my man. I see where you stand on this. I’m a student who does his homework. That’s why I’ve never taken a fall—I study the situation before I ever make a move. I gave you the respect of making you my first visit. But you know how the game works: one player passes, another one sits in.”

“No” is all Lansdale said.

“What is it that you’re trying to tell me, man? I already got your answer. Next stop is this guy they call Jackhammer. You’re not telling me I can’t ask him if he likes my offer, are you? I mean, the way I understand it, you guys aren’t exactly cut buddies.”

“What I want to hear—and this is the only thing I want to hear—is that you’re leaving,” Lansdale said. “Leaving now. And not coming back.”

“You don’t need to be worrying about that. DeAngelo White never goes where he’s not wanted.”

“I guess I’m not making myself clear,” Lansdale said. “I’m not talking about coming back to me; what I’m saying is, don’t come back here. Anywhere around here.”

“Be serious, man. I’m in business. You can turn me down, and I can respect that. But no way you speak for your competition, am I right?”

“This isn’t about who I’m speaking for,” Lansdale told him, “it’s about who I’m speaking to.”

“You might not like certain colors; I get that. But the only thing whiter than my own name is my product.”

“I wouldn’t know that,” Lansdale said. “And I’m not ever going to find out.”

Something in his tone told DeAngelo that his antenna had been tuned to the wrong station. “People know I’m here,” he said. Said it calm, like he was doing Lansdale a favor, keeping him from making a big mistake.

“Who?” Lansdale said. “Your parole officer? I’m not going to keep saying the same thing over and over.”

“Not necessary. Neither am I. And when—not if—when I come back up here, I won’t be coming with a couple of friends like I did today. You feeling that?”

“I am,” Lansdale said. He looked kind of sad when he spoke. The instant I saw DeAngelo’s two men slowly shifting their outside shoulders, I shot DeAngelo in the back of his head.

The single-shot pistol I used was my own invention. The barrel was as big as a 12-gauge, but that was mostly the baffling—the bullet was the same .220 Swift I like so much, but I’d packed it with far less powder, to keep it subsonic.

The shot made a noise like a puff of air. DeAngelo crumpled to the floor, the slug still inside his skull.

His men froze, not sure what had just happened. It was only for a split second, but that was enough for them to realize Zeke and Barton already had them covered.

“I’m truly sorry about this,” Lansdale told DeAngelo’s men. “But your boss brought it down on both of you.”

“DeAngelo never could make up his mind about what he was. Which means he was guaranteed to overstep his bounds one day,” the man standing to my right said. There was no fear in his voice; just a man reciting some facts. “We ain’t his partners; we ain’t in his crew. We’re just men he hired to come along today. That’s what we do, hire out. DeAngelo pays good, but he don’t think good. Likes to put on a show. That’s why he had us both facing you. Looks cool, but don’t leave nobody to watch his back.

“Like you said, he brought it down on himself. Just something that happened. Got nothing to do with us.”

“It kind of does, now,” Lansdale said. “I don’t bear you any ill will, but I also don’t know you. So letting you walk away, that would be a bad business decision. You feeling me?”

Barton and Zeke fired at the same time. Their pistols boomed like thunder inside that closed space.

Zeke got down to check that all three men on the floor were gone. He spent quite a bit of time on DeAngelo. He and Barton had fired heavy hollow-points at such short range that survival wasn’t possible, but he had no idea what had taken DeAngelo out.

“I can’t see no blood, but this one’s gone for sure, boss,” he said, his fingers on DeAngelo’s carotid artery.

Lansdale just nodded.

Barton came back into the office. “There were three more of them inside that Hummer, boss. The engine was running. Real quiet—probably never turned it off. One was behind the wheel. The other two had MAC-10s.”

“Cover fire,” Lansdale said.

“Had to be,” Barton agreed. “That’s why they had the back doors standing open. Just enough so they wouldn’t have to waste time piling in.”

“I didn’t hear any shots.”

“With Eugene, Coy, and Adam, why would you?”

Lansdale smiled. Not his usual grin; this was more like just showing his teeth. “If that car of theirs could carry six of them out here, it can just as easy carry them all away. We’ll have to flatbed it. Call Delbert. And make sure he brings a big tarp with him.”

en came into the back office and rolled up the bodies on the floor in individual shrouds. It was clear they’d done it before by the way they used box cutters on the room-sized sheet of heavy black plastic that was always under the rugs.

“You want—?” Zeke started to ask.

“Not until Junior runs his blue light over the floor,” Lansdale stopped him. “We might have to bleach the wood, then sand it down good, before we put the new rugs in. And we don’t want to move the bodies out of here until it gets just a little darker, so you can leave them right there for now.”

After the men left, it was just me and Lansdale.

“You’re a man of many talents, Esau” is all he said.

After that, the range of jobs I did for him expanded significantly.