on with him earlier but he’d refused, and she knew she should’ve tried harder. Now she was not only a fool, but a bad friend.
“Hey.” She sat up and tossed a pillow at him. “A quarter for your sad, crabby thoughts.”
He arched a brow. “Not a penny?”
“Inflation. Times are hard. Now what’s your deal?”
Jay heaved another sigh, staring at his feet. “What, I don’t want to watch frog marionettes jump around so I have to talk about my feelings?”
She threw her hands up in the air, frustrated, inexplicably anxious, and at a loss for what to do regarding his demeanor. “Fine, then I don’t know what to tell you. I’m out of ideas.” She stretched out on the futon and crossed her arms over her chest. “I guess we’ll just sit here in silence and hate life.”
A few minutes of quiet did follow, the only sounds being their breathing and Pepperoni scratching at the rug then jumping on the kitchen counter with a chirp. Finally, Jay spoke. “You first.”
“Are you sure? It’s just more of the same old crap.”
He nodded. “I wanna hear it.”
Kimber told him the abridged version of how she’d met her stranger at the hotel and they’d spent all night making love and everything had seemed possible-until she woke up alone with a note that put an end to all that. “So that’s my closure, my unequivocal sign, I guess. I went there, hoping for that.” She sighed. “Who am I kidding? I went there for every reason but closure.”
“Yeah, but why?” Jay still stared at his feet, nudging the bass drum coffee table with the tip of his sneaker. “I don’t get why you’re so into a guy you never even saw.”
“I know. I try to rationalize it, but I can’t. This is going to sound weird, but he gave me so much hope.”
“Of course he did. He came on the heels of a bad relationship. Anyone would’ve done the trick.”
“That’s not true.”
“How do you know?”
“I could tell by the way he touched me.”
Jay finally looked at her, his jaw twitching like he was trying to formulate a question but didn’t know how to go about it. “How?”
“How what?”
“How did he touch you?”
“Like I was the most important girl in the whole world. Like he couldn’t get enough of me.”
“No.” There was a dark, indescribable look in his eyes that sent a shiver up her spine. “What did he do?”
Her eyebrows rose. “You’re asking for serious details.”
He nodded, his mouth tight.
Kimber blushed. “Why do you want to know?”
“Because.” His expression remained unreadable. “It’s the most fascinating thing in the world.”
Her skin prickled as the atmosphere in the room changed. “Yeah, why?” she asked, keeping her tone light, the mood familiar. “Meet someone special and need tips on your technique?”
“Let’s just say it’s a weird situation.”
A flicker of unexpected jealousy sparked inside her at the thought of Jay doing any form of sexual calisthenics with some random girl. She didn’t like the idea of sharing him, even though her feelings toward him were platonic. Was he torn up over some girl and that’s why he was so upset? If so, Kimber couldn’t stand her already, judging by the agonized expression on his face.
“Bleh.” She rubbed her temples. “We should’ve gone out and gotten wasted tonight. I know I could use a drink. First all this, then I have to deal with Dane tomorrow night.”
“Dane?” Jay’s features contorted with confusion and suspicion.
She hadn’t wanted to tell him yet, but why stop with the confessions now? “Yeah, he wandered up to the bar today and was all, woe is me, life sucks without you. I dunno, I just felt sorry for him, so we’re meeting for drinks tomorrow.”
Jay’s expression hardened. “You two are hanging out? Are you fucking kidding me? After all this?”
Kimber’s mouth dropped open as he pushed to his feet and paced the length of the room like a restless lion in a cage. It was no secret that, despite having introduced him to Kimber, Jay never really cared for Dane and liked them as a couple even less, but she’d never seen him so angry about it. “Chill, it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything.”
“It’s actually quite a big deal, Kimber. I’ve had to deal with hearing about that douchebag making you cry and disappointing you for years now, and just when I think we’ll finally stop talking about what a fucking moron he is, I hear you two are going on a date-probably your first ever with him, if I recall his protocol correctly.”
“Whoa. Will you calm down?” Kimber’s heart hammered against her ribs. She couldn’t believe the stark fury and intensity of his words. “I’m not even into him anymore.”
“Bullshit. Why else would you be going out with him? Obviously you still feel something for him. What isn’t obvious is why. And after all this time apart from him, you’d think you’d know better, but be honest. All it’ll take is a few of his empty promises and you two will be together again. Then the shit will start back up and I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“None of this is in any way true,” Kimber spluttered. “Things are different now.”
“I thought so, too. But they’re not.” He stopped pacing and faced her, his jaw clenching and his gaze hard. “Just tell me one thing. Tell me why Dane gets all these chances with you, and I never even got one. And one would’ve been all I needed.”
Stunned heat crept through her body as she fought to find the right words. “I don’t know. We went over this, Jay. You’re my best friend. I never thought of you like that.”
He raked both hands through his hair. “I don’t care. Think of me like that now.” He stared at her, expectant, his dark blue eyes unyielding.
She rubbed her face with her hands then straightened, shuffling things around on the bass drum cum coffee table, feigning busyness to mask her extreme discomfort. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t see us…being together like that. You’re too important to me to risk getting involved with.”
He crossed his arms. “So you’d never fuck me.”
Kimber gasped and stared at him, open-mouthed. “Jay!”
“Just tell me, yes or no. Would you ever fuck me?”
She cleared her throat and coughed, wishing she were anywhere but there. Even an Iraqi war zone would be preferable. “No. I’m sorry. I just can’t see it.”
“Oh, I fucking know you can’t see it.” Jay breathed out a nasty laugh. “And I’ve got news for you-you’ve been doing it for weeks.”
Jay regretted the words the second they burst from his mouth. The blank, uncomprehending look in Kimber’s gold-brown eyes meant he’d have to explain them, too, which could only be a thousand times more agonizing for the both of them.
“What?” Her voice was calm and controlled and on the verge of being neither of those things.
He took a deep breath. “Kimber, I-”
“There is no way you’re telling me what I think you’re telling me. And if you are, you better follow it up with a confession that you’re lying.”
“I wish… I wish I was.”
Kimber stared at him, unmoving, but in the silence of the room, he could hear her breathing turn heavy and shallow and her jaw tightening as she watched him as if deciding how best to torture him. She shook her head slowly. “No. You’d never do that to me. There’s no way.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his palms to his stinging eyes, not replying.
“Deny it, Jay.” Her tone became shrill. “Tell me you’d never do that.”
“I’m sorry,” he croaked, his mind and body paralyzed with the shock and fear of this moment finally happening. This was it. This was the end.
Jay looked up as she rocketed to her feet, and now it was her turn to pace. “No, no,” she kept repeating, as if
