Secret Shared

Every woman in the room drew a sharp breath at the same time, emptying it of oxygen. Maybe that’s why Will looked like he was about to faint, his hand feeling for the wall behind him. I wanted to rush to him, but there were too many people between us—real obstacles, not just metaphorical ones.

“What about your wife?” Tracina boomed, still standing, her tiny fists on her hips.

Carruthers’ head fell forward. “I told her. It’s over.”

The rest of the room took this as their cue to examine the floor as well. When I looked back up, Tracina’s eyes were full of wonder. And Will’s face held an expression of unadulterated shock. The whole time, Dell sat stock-still, her fork poised in admiration of a slice of cake in front of her as though this awful business were not happening at all.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Tracina muttered.

“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?” Will demanded.

Carruthers turned to him. “I apologize for the public manner in which all of this is coming out. But I believe I am the father of this baby,” he said. Then, to Tracina he added, “And I’m sorry to ruin your lovely party, but you won’t see me and you won’t take my calls, so you left me no choice.”

“Is what he’s saying true?” Will’s voice was now devoid of all emotion.

Tracina’s eyes softened as she gazed at Will, her expression saying it all, even if her words (“I don’t know”) didn’t. As if to punctuate the drama, a sudden stream of water trickled down her legs, pooled at her feet on the pine floors. She peered down, trying to see over her belly.

“Oh my god, I’m peeing myself.”

“No, honey,” said Dell, finally bringing her fork to her mouth and chewing a bite of cake. “That’s your water breaking.”

“My what?”

Angela screamed first. Carruthers scrambled over to Tracina and eased her down into a chair. Will stood motionless watching all of this, while I ran to fetch towels. Water was still cascading down Tracina’s legs when I returned, and Carruthers’ D.A. personality was in high gear.

“We’re not waiting for an ambulance to come to Treme,” he said, pointing at Will’s phone. “My Escalade’s outside. I’ll take you now, baby,” and to me, to me, he yelled, “grab her other arm.” And that’s how I got sucked into the maternal entourage, Tracina barking orders over her shoulder for Kit and Angela to watch Trey, keep Trey, tell Trey not to worry.

As we piled into the back seat, I got a last look at an ashen-faced Will, his whole body shaking as he tried to get his truck door to open, then rushed around to the passenger side and slid across. I should be with him, I thought, helping him through this. That I ended up being the one to hold Tracina’s hand instead of Will’s was the oddest surprise of the day.

A contraction seized Tracina and she dug her fingers into my thigh.

“Am I gonna be okay?”

“Of course. Of course you are! Just breathe,” I said, as calmly as possible, smoothing her hair off her sweaty face.

“Hold on, honey. I’m gonna get you there as fast as I can,” Carruthers said as he pushed on the gas.

Tracina turned to me. “I’m an awful person,” she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks. “I feel so awful.”

“Don’t worry about anything else right now except this baby, okay?” I felt her hand tighten in mine, saw her eyes squeeze shut.

I turned around and spotted Will’s truck behind us, weaving perilously, trying to keep up. Poor Will. If this proved to be true, if he really wasn’t the baby’s father, it’d gut him. Despite all the drama and uncertainty that surrounded the pregnancy, the only thing Will had ever seemed sure of was his devotion to this baby.

Carruthers was driving fast, but every once in a while he checked on Tracina via the rearview mirror. “You’re gonna be okay, baby. You’re gonna be okay.”

Tracina never answered, her clammy hand gripped in mine, nothing registering on her face now except waves of pain.

We made it to the Touro Birthing Center in record time; Carruthers had called ahead on a hands-free phone so a nurse was standing by with an empty wheelchair. Once Tracina was in the chair, she reached up, looking around for me, and grabbed my hand.

“Cassie, stay with Will. He’s gonna need a friend,” she said.

What? Had I heard her right? She let go of my hand, and reached for Carruthers’ as she was wheeled into the center.

I found my way to the delivery area waiting room. A few minutes later Will came huffing in, eyes wild, a line of sweat down the middle of his T-shirt.

“Where’d they go?”

“Down there,” I said, “but I don’t think—”

He didn’t wait for me to finish. He busted through the doors and disappeared down the hall. I was so jangly already that the vibrating in my purse didn’t register at first as a phone call. I answered over the sound of a loud and braying intercom announcement, plugging my ear to hear better.

“Hey, lady. Where y’at? Sounds like the racetrack. Don’t bet your whole paycheck.”

It was Jesse, his voice mellow and grounding.

I explained the baby shower, the early labor, the dramatic drive, the empty waiting room in maternity where I was now taking over a few seats. I stopped short of saying I was sitting vigil while a delicate paternity question was about to come to a head. A nurse pointed to my phone and then to a sign behind her: CELL PHONES NOT PERMITTED IN EMERGENCY. STEP OUTSIDE TO TALK. I lifted my index finger, the universal symbol for Just one minute.

“So, I guess dinner and a movie are out of the question,” he said.

“I should stay here.”

“You’re a good friend,” he said. “Hey, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah? About what?”

“About you and …”

Oh dear. Why did my heart clench?

“And …?”

“And me. And the fact that I’m glad you got in touch. I didn’t know it until now. But I think I might’ve been waiting for a girl like you.”

I was stunned.

“Too cheesy?” he asked.

“A little. But … I like cheese. What about our ‘no expectations’ plan?”

“You didn’t expect me to follow that plan, did you?”

I laughed. Now was not the time to get into it with him. I told him I’d call him later, and then I hung up and shut off my phone.

Just when you think you have things figured out, a stranger shows up at a stupid baby shower and threatens to change everything. And that’s only what I was feeling. I could only imagine what was going through Will’s and Tracina’s minds. Carruthers, on the other hand, seemed to have made his mind up before he knocked.

I stared at the double doors. The only certainty now was that whoever came bursting out first would tell me something that might change … well, everything. But right now, all I knew was that Jesse Turnbull was in. He was all the way in. Isn’t that what I wanted?

18 DAUPHINE

WE PROBABLY SHOULD have left immediately when Mark and I realized that not only that I was leaving