Sentinel

after what Ares did to you? After seeing what I’ve done to you? I don’t want any of this. I want it to be over, and the only way we can finish this is if you take on the power of the First. You need to become the God Killer.”

I gaped at him. There was no way he knew our plans.

“It’s the only way to stop Ares, Alex.” His throat worked as he swallowed heavily. “And I can’t do it. If I take on that power, I can’t promise what I’d do. It has to be you, and I know it can be done. You have to—”

“I know,” I cut him off as I scooted forward. “I know how to do it, Seth, but…”

His lips parted. “But you can’t do it until it’s damn close to time—until we are face-to-face with that son of a bitch, because the longer the power is in you, the crazier you get. Trust me.”

“I’m already crazy,” I whispered.

“What?”

I repeated myself, and I don’t know what made me admit what I said next. Maybe because, in a way, Seth and I were the same person whether I trusted him or not. “I’m not the right person to be doing any of this. There’s something wrong with me. Ever since I fought Ares, I haven’t been right. I don’t feel things the way I used to. I don’t feel anything half of the time. I froze in a fight, and I mean really froze. I thought I saw Ares earlier and pulled a gun on Aiden.”

His brows rose. “What’s wrong with the last part?”

My shoulders slumped.

“Hey, I’m kidding. And I’m also curious why you’d do that. The sun rises and sets out of Aiden’s ass, according to you.”

Nice imagery. “I thought…I thought he was Ares.”

“Like you saw Ares in place of him?”

I nodded numbly. “I don’t know if I can do any of this, and then there’s also this chance I could be…” I trailed off before I said too much and totally let my guard down.

“You could be what?” he asked. When I didn’t answer, he turned sideways and settled down next to the bars. What, Alex?

Having him switch to talking that way was always unnerving. I don’t know. I think…Aiden thinks I’m… I shook my head. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything.

Seth stared at me so long I started to worry that he could read my thoughts. Then his eyes widened slightly. Are you…? A strangled sound came from his throat. “I can’t even think it. Are you pregnant?”

Unable to confirm or deny, I said nothing, and that must’ve been answer enough because Seth swore under his breath. Squeezing my eyes shut, I dropped my head into my hands. My fingers curled into my hair, and the thin, raised scars on my face felt rough against my palms.

Alex? His voice was a thready whisper, and then out loud, he said, “I’m sorry, Alex, for everything I had a part in.”

I shook my head without lifting it or removing my hands. I was unsure of why he’d apologize after that. It wasn’t like he had anything to do with my potential babymaking shenanigans with Aiden. That was all us.

We sat like that for a few minutes, neither of us speaking. I searched inside of me for…for something more than a twinge of sadness, an emotion beyond anger and confusion, anything more substantial than vast emptiness.

There was nothing.

Seth’s sigh shuttled through my thoughts. “I saw your father, Alex.”

CHAPTER 9

I didn’t think I heard Seth right at first.

Slowly, I lifted my head and locked my gaze with his. “What?”

“I saw your father when I was at the Catskills,” he repeated quietly. “Not before you Awakened. I didn’t see him when I was there at that time, but when we arrived about a month ago, he was there—is still there.”

My mouth worked, but there was no sound. I scooted forward, coming closer to Seth than I probably should have. I drew in a breath, but it got stuck. “Did you…how is he?”

“I didn’t talk with him, Alex, but he’s there with the other servants. The Elixir isn’t working, and he seems to be keeping them safe. He can’t leave. None of them can with Ares there.” He paused, and my heart dropped. “He appears to be okay, but Ares knows who he is, Alex.”

I stared at him as those words sunk in. “But he’s okay for now?”

For now. Seth reaffirmed silently.

Closing my eyes, I squirmed under the sudden pressure in my throat. And Ares knows he’s my father?

“Yes.”

“Does he have any plans to use him against me?” I asked, already knowing and fearing the answer.

“I would like to give you the answer that would make it better.” There was a pause, and then I felt his fingers graze my arm. Electricity passed from his skin to mine, and my head jerked up. I backed out of his reach, watching the marks of the Apollyon glide up his arm and onto his neck. Seth pulled his arm back through the bars. “He will use any means necessary, Alex. He can’t get to you right now, but the moment he can, he will dangle your father in front of you.”

I looked away, pressing my mouth closed until my jaw ached with the effort. I knew I wasn’t feeling everything I should be considering how much danger my father was in. I let out a ragged breath. “It’s not just me he’s going to come at. It’s you, too.”

“I know.” Seth laughed dryly, and my gaze fell back to him. “But what does he have to hold over my head other than you?”

And I got it then. Once Ares realized Seth was batting for the opposite side, he’d force Seth’s hand by forcing mine, and he’d use my father and everyone I cared about to make that happen.

“Shit’s bleak, isn’t it?” Seth said.

I huffed. “You have no idea.”

“Then why are we doing this? Seriously? We could leave.”

I pinned him with a look.

He laughed again, and this time, he sounded more like himself. “You could bring St. Delphi along.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate the invite.” Truth was, the idea of running away was tantalizing as hell. It wasn’t like I hadn’t considered it before, and we could hide for as long as we could, but it wasn’t right. “There’s enough of me left inside that knows I can’t do that.”

Seth cocked his head against the bars but said nothing.

“I especially can’t after what Ares did, but it’s more than that. There are so many innocent people who will end up enslaved by him or dead. I couldn’t live with myself.”

“I could.”

One side of my lips tipped up. “Of course.”

There was a stretch of silence, and then he said, “You’re so different.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“It’s not because you’re crazy, but I know what you went through.”

The muscles along my back tensed. “I wanted to die.” There. I said it out loud, and it sounded just as horrible as when I thought it.

Seth lowered his gaze. “I know.”

“Part of me wishes—”

“Don’t say it.” Seth stood quickly and backed away from the bars. A niggle of shame rose like a weed, and he looked away. “I know you’re not going to let me out. It’s probably better if you don’t until we have a plan that we can act on immediately. It will make everyone else feel better.”

“Would it make you feel better?” I pushed to my feet.