Better Places to Go

CANDACE. (A realization:) You don’t want me to get married. You’re scared that if I do, I’ll forget all about you.

MAXINE. Hardly. You couldn’t forget about me, even if you tried. Every time the smallest thing goes wrong in your life, you’re on my doorstep expecting compliments and concern. I’m all out of both. I’ve got nothing left to give to you. Except the truth.

CANDACE. Why are you doing this to me? Tonight of all nights. I’m stuck in the middle of Little House on the Scary Prairie.

MAXINE. Because girls like me can only take so much.

CANDACE. Just say what you have to say. I’d like to bring this night to an end. I’d like to figure out where I’m sleeping tonight.

MAXINE. (Beat.) I slept with him.

CANDACE. Who, the limo driver?

MAXINE. No. With Peter. Your fiance. The groom.

CANDACE. (A nervous laugh, followed by a painful moment of truth:) You did what?

MAXINE. More than once. We’ve been having sex for two months. On his lunch breaks. In his office. At my apartment. Even in your apartment when you went on that business trip to Boston and I fed your cat for you.

CANDACE. Let me guess, the two of you are madly in love.

MAXINE. Hardly. I hate the guy. He makes me sick.

CANDACE. Then why did you do it?

MAXINE. Because I could. I finally beat you at your own game. I finally won.

CANDACE. It was never a competition, Maxine.

MAXINE. Wasn’t it?

CANDACE. It doesn’t matter, anymore. The wedding is off. You’ve made your point. You can have him. I’m not going to Omaha.

MAXINE. No, you’ll go home and you’ll cry and whine to your entourage of the subservient girls in your office. They’ll feel sorry for you and shower you with sweet words and pity.

CANDACE. Maybe I’ll surprise you. Maybe I won’t go home. Maybe I’ll run away and change my name. Join the fucking circus.

MAXINE. He had second thoughts. Cold feet. He said he didn’t have the courage to face you.

CANDACE. He always was a coward. Just like you.

MAXINE. He wanted me to be the one to tell you. To break the news to you gently.

CANDACE. Consider your job done, Maxine. Mission accomplished. You’re finished. (Beat.) You can go now.

MAXINE. And leave you here all alone with nothing?

CANDACE. I’ll survive. It’s true, Maxine. I am made of plastic. (She reaches into her bra and pulls out a credit card.)

MAXINE. By the way, Peter never wanted you to go on a diet. He drinks like a fish and he smokes pot like a fiend. The diet was my idea. To torture you. To make you suffer. In fact, Peter told me he thought you were way… too…skinny. (She exits.)

RICARDO. (After a moment, he enters from the kitchen.) You still here?

CANDACE. Afraid so.

RICARDO. Where’s your friend?

CANDACE. She wasn’t my friend. She left.

RICARDO. On the TV in the kitchen, they said the roads are open again. The storm finally passed.

CANDACE. I know you don’t know me. I mean, I don’t even know your name. But it sounds like both of us have had a real bad day.

RICARDO. Friends by circumstances?

CANDACE. Bad circumstances. (Beat.) I have nowhere to go.

RICARDO. I imagine it’s the greatest feeling in the world.

CANDACE. It is. (Beat.) I’m not a very nice person.

RICARDO. Probably not.

CANDACE. I’m rude. I’m self-centered. I manipulate people. I treat people like — I’m selfish.

RICARDO. I knew a girl like that once.

CANDACE. Oh yeah? What happened to her?

RICARDO. She said she had big plans.

CANDACE. I used to.

RICARDO. Did you and your friend have a fight?

CANDACE. You could say that. She slept with my fiance.

RICARDO. Ouch.

CANDACE. I think I deserved it.

RICARDO. Did you love him?

CANDACE. Not as much as I love her. She and I were best friends. For as long as I can remember. She’s always been there for me.

RICARDO. And now?

CANDACE. There’s no one here but you and me and you’re a complete stranger to me.

RICARDO. Maybe it’s safer that way. I’m pretty messed up right now.

CANDACE. You seem all right. (Beat.) So, do you love him?

RICARDO. Who?

CANDACE. The guy you left waiting at the bus station. Your best friend.

RICARDO. (With a shrug:) I don’t know how.

CANDACE. That’s the worst kind of love. Feeling it but not knowing how to express it. It makes you crazy.

RICARDO. Are you crazy?

CANDACE. Definitely.

RICARDO. It’s a shame we didn’t meet under better circumstances.

CANDACE. We probably would’ve been best friends.

RICARDO. What are your plans now? I’m assuming the wedding’s been called off.

CANDACE. Everything’s been cancelled. Going someplace else and starting all over seems very appealing right now. What about you?

RICARDO. Miami sounds nice.

CANDACE. It does. I’ve never been there.

RICARDO. Hey, are you allowed to eat now?

CANDACE. I’m starving. (Beat.) And I’m single. Know any cute guys?

RICARDO. Just me. (Beat.) Chocolate ice cream?

CANDACE. Do you have any whipped cream?

RICARDO. Sorry, no. Rosie liked nitrous oxide. She drained all the bottles last weekend.

CANDACE. I’ll settle for the ice cream. (He starts to exit. She stops him.) Hey. I guess Kimberly isn’t showing up.

RICARDO. No, she probably had better places to go. (Beat.) For the record?

CANDACE. Yes?

RICARDO. I do love him.

CANDACE. I know. I can tell. When you talk about him, I can see it in your eyes.

RICARDO. You don’t think it’s wrong?

CANDACE. For two people to love each other? (Ricardo nods.) Who am I to judge? (Beat.) Can you hurry with the ice cream? I think I’m due for a panic attack. (Ricardo exits. Candace sits at a table, furthest from the main entrance.)

DEREK. (He enters from the main entrance, carrying his backpack. He stops at the sight of Candace.) Wow. You look like an angel.