met her through school. The way I would be perceived in the eyes of my brothers mattered to me; it mattered a hell of a lot. On the other hand, I couldn't remember ever feeling so strongly for someone. Cassie had a way with me. She got me to crawl down off my high horse, shed the rough exterior, and be normal.
I hadn't been normal since I'd raised my hand and swore to protect my country. My life had been run by rules, regulations, and consequences. I couldn't and didn’t care to see beyond them.
Until now.
Now, I wanted to question things, but I wasn't sure how, and faced with uncertainty, the best fall back were those rules and regulations that had never led me astray.
I glared at the text again, trying to make myself respond, but afraid of falling back under her sweet and enticing spell. Instead, I hit the call button for Castillo. She answered on the third ring.
'Hello,' she said. The noise in the background indicated that she was driving.
'What the fuck did you say to Pfc. Bennett?'
'Wow, Alex. You make me look like a whore last night, and now you're calling me over your little play thing. You're amazing.'
'Leti, I'm only going to ask you one more time what the fuck you said to her before I completely lose my shit on you.'
She breathed hard, exhaling deeply into the phone.
'I haven't said shit to your little girlfriend. But thanks for letting me know I've been right all along.'
'You fucking listen to me. You have nothing to fucking say to her. You don't even have a fucking reason to look at her. You work in admin, and unless she has a reason to see you, you stay the fuck away from her. You understand that?'
My breaths blew out of my nose like a raging bull. Then it dawned on me that I didn't counter her when she blurted out that Cassie was my girlfriend and that she'd been right about it. The thought temporarily seized me, making me think long and hard about the way my subconscious was responding where my controlled thoughts were thinking differently.
'Alex, how far you have fallen. A student?'
'You've been a manipulative bitch since the days of Evelyn. You go any further with this, and I'll have your ass taken down, Leti. I promise you that. Back. The. Fuck. Up.'
I hung up the phone and threw it against the wall. Luckily, in my blind rage, the cover took the brunt of the impact, cracking and falling to the ground. Riley came rushing into my room.
'Get the fuck out, Riley.'
'What happened?'
I turned and glowered at him. He didn’t relent, instead moving further into the room.
'You're fucking losing it, Alex. What is going on with you?'
'Where have you been this morning?' I asked, working furiously to catch my breath.
'What?'
'Where the fuck have you been?'
'I went on base to wash and detail my truck before the sun ruined that for me.'
'So you were on base?' That revelation plastered suspicion all over me. In my furor, I couldn't see anything for what it was.
Had Riley spoken to Cassie and spilled the beans as a way to punish me? I couldn't be sure of anyone or anything anymore. The alcohol still coursing through my veins was contributing to my irrational thoughts, fueling the anger. I grabbed him by his shirt collar with both hands and lifted him, slamming him against the wall.
'Look shithead. I fucked up last night. I admit that. But you going to Cassie and telling her is going to get your ass beat.'
He powered up and worked his way out of my grip.
'Get your shit together, Alex. I didn't go over to the barracks at all. I didn’t even see Cassie this morning.'
I was breathing erratically, feeling the haze of my hangover looming over my head.
'Where the fuck is Jensen?'
I heard the door swing open a little wider, Jensen standing the frame.
'I'm right here. And what the hell does Bennett have to do with any of this?' Disapproval filled his face as he looked me over, his mouth forming into a tight scowl. 'You went on and fucked her, didn’t you?”
“That’s none of your business, Jensen. Stay in your fucking place!” My teeth clenched as did my fists as I yelled out the last part, my frustrations seemingly taking over my body.
“No, you stay in your place, Alex. You went ahead and fucked a student. That’s abuse of power. You’ve sunk low, motherfucker. That NCO of the Quarter should be burned at your feet. You don’t represent shit that’s good for the Corps.”
I charged him.
He braced himself for the impact, and both of us went down, rolling over one another and swinging. Riley jumped in between us, taking a few punches to the face, before finally pulling me away.
'I don’t give a shit what you think of me, Jensen.”
He spit on my wood floor, disrespecting me and my place. If I wasn’t feeling the excess alcohol swirling around in my stomach while trying to catch my breath, I would have charged him again.
'I can’t believe you’ve pursued this. You used to be someone to look up to. I don’t even know you anymore.'
I didn't care if I had just confirmed for him that I was or had been involved with her. Correcting the situation with Cassie was the only thing on my mind. Riley shook his head, realizing what I had just done. A piece of me wanted to take it back, but I was running on adrenaline, and whatever came out I'd just have to deal with.
'You're still seeing her? Still fucking her?'
I didn’t answer. I wiped at my lip, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.
'Who the fuck have you become? NCO of the Quarter, Staff Sergeant select, brig time… none of that shit means anything to you, does it?'
I didn’t answer him. The truth was, it all meant the world to me, but Cassie meant even more.
'I'm not standing behind you with this shit, Alex. Fraternizing is a highly punishable offense. What's happened to you? Pussy is all the same, man. I lined one up for you last night. It's that easy, you know.'
'Fuck you, Jensen. If you can't see beyond the rules manual, get the fuck out of my room.'
'How did you flip over night? Is her pussy magical? Did she cast a spell on you with it?'
'We're not fucking robots, that's how,' I growled, my voice low and gruff.
A hush fell over the room.
Riley shut his eyes. Jensen deepened his frown.
Freeing myself from the guilt of everything that had been going on with Cassie was surprisingly welcomed. As fearful as I had been about letting the cat out of the bag, especially to non-supportive fucks like Jensen, the release of it brought a sense of calm over me, washing me clean of my misdeed.
'The Alex Cruz I knew loved the Corps. Put the Corps first and everything else second. This new you is sickening, man.'
'When you break out from behind the fucking mask, you'll finally see what I see, Jensen. Until then, you'll remain blind and continue to follow orders that look good on paper, but don't necessarily work out in real life.'
'The Corps is real life, Alex. When we don't follow orders, people die. Good leaders know that!” he yelled, veins bulging from his neck as his face flushed red.
'And good leaders also know how to think for themselves. Now get the fuck out of my room,” I countered, equally passionate and angry.
He stood glaring between Riley and me.
'I can't believe I'm looking at both of you and don't even know who you are.'
Then he turned and stomped out of the house. I heard the roar of his Mustang and the tires peel out of the driveway. I needed to respond to Cassie and do some damage control before I lost everything. I was willing to lose out on Jensen because he couldn't see me for who I was. I wasn't willing to lose out on her, and my morning breakdown proved to me that I wasn't strong enough to hold the Corps before her, and even more so, I didn’t
