have privacy to nurse you and brew my nostrums.
Oliver shook his head. 'It is so hard to separate the nightmares of fever from the waking reality that I will have to say that I remember nothing, he said, as the trembling eased and the pain subsided from his ribs and arm. He frowned at her. 'I saw you in my dreams, but I scarce thought you were real. Catrin, what are you doing here?
She did not answer at first, all her attention given to the baby. 'Is it not obvious? she said at last, as she took Rosamund from her breast and laid the child over her shoulder.
He eyed her warily. 'No, it is not. You could have a hundred different reasons.
'I don't. Gently patting the baby's back, she rose and went to look out of the door at the busy courtyard.
'Where's your husband?
The baby watched him with sated, sleepy, dark eyes. Catrin stayed where she was, gazing out on the activity in the bailey. 'I do not know, she said, her voice cold and hard. 'In hell I hope, but I doubt it.
Oliver's breathing quickened, and with it the pain in his ribs. Or perhaps it was the beating of his cracked heart.
'He abandoned me again, she said, 'except that this time it was «us» he threw to the wolves, his own flesh and blood. She nuzzled the baby's head. 'Girls are expendable, especially when you have boasted to all and sundry that your manhood is proved in sons. So are wives when they mock that manhood by bearing a daughter. She turned round, her eyes aglitter with unshed tears. 'He left us under siege by Oxford's men, swore he would return with a relieving force, but I knew he would not. I waited ten days and then I yielded up the keep with which Stephen had entrusted him and I came here.
Had he possessed the strength, Oliver would have gone to her, but he was drained. There was so much he needed to know. He would like to have sworn that circumstances and reasons did not matter, but after Rochester they did. 'Your husband abandoned everything?
She gave a small shrug. 'He reached a point where he decided that the game was not worth the candle. Being lord of a keep was not all that he imagined. It brought more responsibility than his shoulders could bear. In one thing, though, he and I were alike. Rosamund had fallen asleep. Softly Catrin laid her down in the cradle and tucked in the fleece coverlet.
'And what was that?
'We were both duped into seeing gold where there was none, him with his keep and me with old dreams. She drew an impatient sleeve across her eyes. 'It is finished now.
'But you are still his wife by law.
'Not my law. Her face was suddenly tight with anger. 'If he walked in here now and commanded me to go with him, I would spit in his face. Priests say that it is God's rule that a woman should submit to her husband. All her worldly goods become his. They say that if she transgresses, he has the right to beat her. She drew a deep breath. 'Well, I tell you that neither my daughter nor I are going to live by such rules. No woman should do so.
Her pain and rage surged at him, but he did not recoil from its intensity for he could match it. 'I agree, he said. 'But if you had stayed with me, you need not have suffered.
'He was my husband; you were his prisoner. What was I supposed to do? In the basket, Rosamund whimpered and Catrin stooped over her with a soothing murmur.
'You could have looked before you leaped.
'Hindsight is a wondrous thing, she snapped. 'It is always easy to have eyes to see after the event.
'So what now? he asked, with a swift gesture of his good arm. 'Have you come to Bristol for refuge because it is familiar, because there are people you know — or did you come seeking me?
Leaving the basket, she began to pace the room, kicking out the full skirt of her blue gown with each step. 'I came for all those reasons, she said at last, and stopped at his side. 'But the greatest was to find you and somehow right a wrong.
Oliver turned his head. 'I do not want your pity or the ministrations of your tender conscience. Dear Christ, I need not have suffered either.
'I'm not ministering to you out of compassion, you fool! Catrin's eyes flashed. 'Nor out of guilt, although God knows it does burden me. When Godard brought you into the hall last week, you were on your way to death. Kneeling by the pallet, she touched his bandaged ribs and arm, then took his good right hand in hers. 'If I had any compassion I would have dulled your pain and let you go. But I don't. I have learned from Louis to clothe myself entirely in selfishness. I wanted you to live because I want to live too. Her tone grew vehement and her grip tightened. 'I want a man at my hearth who is not going to whine like a child or run off futtering other women when the whim dictates. I want a man who keeps his word whatever the cost. I want a man who will love me beyond the first fire and into the embers. I want a father for Rosamund who will teach her how to judge men.
Oliver swallowed the lump in his throat. 'You don't want much, he said shakily, and thought that with speeches like that inside her, she should have been a battle commander.
'Only what you can give, if you still have it within you.
He swallowed and meshed his fingers through hers. 'Mangled and torn like the rest of me, but what remains is yours… and Rosamund's.
The kiss was somewhat clumsy but its importance far outweighed its technique. His good arm pinned her close, while she tried her best to keep her weight from his damaged left side.
'Catrin, Catrin, he whispered as their lips clung and parted. And then he laughed. 'If this is another wound- fever dream then I don't want to wake up.
'It's not, it's real, I promise. She pressed her face against his shirt.
'I thought I was the one to make promises.
They kissed again. 'It is my turn now. Catrin pulled away and went to her satchel. 'Do you remember this? From the bag's depths she produced the singed love knot woven by Ethel before her final illness.
Oliver's eyes widened. 'I do, he said, 'but by rights it should not exist, since I threw it on the fire.
'Godard rescued it. He thought you might regret the act in time to come.
He took the token from her and looked at the intricate detail of the pattern, yellowed and blackened on one side by the fire-damage. 'I owe Godard more than I can repay, he murmured.
'We both do. She touched the love knot, then twined her fingers over and around his. 'And Ethel. As she spoke the name, she glanced around the shelter and a half-smile curved her lips.
Oliver could almost feel the strength flowing back into his body from the token, from the contact of Catrin's fingers. If far from perfect, life was worth living again.
Chapter 27
'Waes Haell' The cry resounded around the crowded alehouse and fists thumped the trestles as the wedding guests toasted the laughing bride and her smug groom. Outside a March gale battered at the shutters, but no one cared, least of all Godard and Edith whose nuptial feast this was. Edith wore Oliver's gift of a silver and garnet brooch in her scarlet gown, and on the table stood his present to Godard, a pitcher in the shape of a bear but given Godard's face and quarterstaff.
Edith had surpassed herself with her latest brew of ale and the guests were enthusiastically appreciating her skills.
'I can see why you're leaving me, Oliver remarked to Godard as he drained his cup. 'I doubt even the best French wine could compete with this.
'Then perhaps you should stay too, my lord, Godard answered. His colour was high and his eyes sparkling. Some of his ebullience was the result of his new wife's ale, but the greater part was caused by the pleasure of his new wife herself.
Oliver smiled. 'A certain young prince might have something to say about that, he said. 'Besides, I've my way to make in the world. Almost unconsciously he flexed his left hand, testing the damaged sinews. It was three months since his wounding. A week from now, he and Catrin were due to sail across the Narrow Sea as members of Prince Henry's retinue and make his court their home.
