Barefoot by the Sea

“With you speaking in an accent.”

“Quite feasible,” he said with a pronounced British clip.

“And when we’re alone and you’re…inside me?”

He waited, not breathing, knowing what she wanted. With each passing second, he was more certain. She wanted a baby. And, good Lord, he would give her that.

“Tessa,” he finally said. “I can’t stand to have another child in the world that I don’t know. But if you really —”

She silenced him again with her hand. “I don’t want a baby, Ian.”

“Now, I know that’s a lie.”

“I don’t. That’s what I realized with the shell. I thought a baby would solve everything, but that’s not what I want at all.”

“Then what do you want?” he asked.

She smiled and let out the softest sigh. “The same thing you do…a family.”

His jaw loosened. “Then—”

Shaking her head, she put her fingers over his lips. “I can’t do that. I can’t live a lie or in secret. But I do want one other thing from you.”

“Anything.”

“When we’re alone, in bed, in…each other, I need to call you by your real name.”

He exhaled softly, unable even to think of the stupid amount of happiness that gave him. Instead, he kissed her pretty mouth and fell a little deeper in love with a woman he could have, but never keep.

Chapter Twenty-eight

She couldn’t avoid them forever. After several days and nights of lame excuses, Tessa finally accepted the invitation to meet her best friends for a quick drink at the Toasted Pelican. She arrived on her own, a little late, and headed straight to their favorite booth in the back.

The three of them were already deep in conversation with drinks, though only Jocelyn had anything with kick in it. The tension of their first real long talk had Tessa’s stomach in a knot of nausea. She couldn’t slip, not one little bit, not one word, not one hint.

Even though every night since she’d known the truth about Ian—John, John—she’d been wrapped in his arms, in his bed, in his real world as he’d opened up and shared everything. Each tidbit was a gold mine of discovery—he’d gone to Cambridge!—tarnished by the fact that she could never share this with her three closest friends. Every kiss, every night, and every morning she felt closer to him, all overshadowed by the fact that in a short amount of time he’d not only disappear from sight, but his very existence would be wiped away.

But she knew enough about how that man felt about his children to accept that fate.

“Well, look who crawled out of the sack for some girl time.” Zoe slid over and made room for her. “We were just talking about you.”

“Don’t you have anything better to do than gossip about my love life?”

“Actually we were talking about your wedding,” Lacey corrected. “And wondering if maybe we’ll be having a real one sometime soon?”

Yeah, they would. In a few days, as a matter of fact. “Not likely,” she said, looking around for a waitress.

“I don’t know,” Jocelyn said playfully. “I saw you two kissing good-bye the other afternoon outside the restaurant.”

“And you didn’t answer the door when I knocked this morning at seven-thirty,” Zoe said.

A good defense was her only offense. “Since when have you ever been up at seven-thirty in your life?” she demanded.

“I had a sunrise balloon ride to see off,” Zoe said. “And since I can’t go up until Junior is born, I had nothing to do and you were the only human I know guaranteed to be awake. Alas, no answer. I didn’t knock on John’s door.”

At seven-thirty? They’d been awake. Wide awake and making love. “I was in the garden.” Might as well start the lies now, even though that made her belly flutter. “Is there a waitress around? I need a drink.”

“She’ll be here,” Jocelyn assured her. “And you don’t have to lie, sweetie.”

As a matter of fact, she did.

“We’ve all been there,” Lacey said, a tad patronizing. “The first few weeks are the best.”

Zoe gave a loud tsk. “Speak for yourself, Lace. Oliver and I still have the glow and I’m knocked up.”

Tessa looked up to the ceiling. “Give me strength. And a drink.”

“All right, we’ll lay off.” Jocelyn turned a legal pad around so Tessa could read the twenty-seven line items on a classic Jocelyn Bloom To-Do list. “We have work to do.”

Thank God. “I don’t see any check marks or cross-offs, Joss.”

“Let’s get on that, then.”

Tessa agreed, grateful to read the list and follow the conversation to ideas for how to entertain the VIPs with spa treatments, balloon rides, and every luxury amenity they could dream up.

But all she could think about was Ian. The depth of his kiss this morning. The laughter in the shower together. The tender way he—

“You’ll need some kind of father-daughter moment.”

Tessa yanked herself back to the table. “What?”

“I went over the checklist on the AABC site,” Jocelyn said, pointing at item number nine on the list. “You know, to be sure we cover everything these consultants want to see in a destination wedding. Apparently, the father-daughter dance is huge to them.”

She felt the color rise and almost pumped a fist in relief when she saw the waitress and waved her over.

“Obviously your mother isn’t going to be here,” Lacey said, “but do you have some music we can play that reminds you of your dad?”

Your Cheating Heart? Me and Mrs. Jones?

“No.” She looked up at the waitress, head buzzing along with a roll of unexpected queasiness. All this lying was actually making her sick. “Just…an ice water,” she said.

“Nothing at all?” Jocelyn prodded.

“Water’s fine.”

“I meant with your father.”

“I don’t. I don’t…” Even have a father. “I can’t…”

“Honey, what is it?” Lacey asked, reaching across the table. “You are pale as a sheet and, oh my God, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”

Her throat closed as she looked from one to another. “I’ve been lying to you.” The words actually felt good on her tongue, but, holy hell, now what?

They continued to stare, all of them waiting—for the truth.

“Well, that’s not like you,” Jocelyn said after a long, awkward moment. “Want to come clean?”

She did, but she couldn’t. “Um…I would, but I can’t.”

“You can’t.” Zoe leaned closer. “But you will.”

This was all it took? Fifteen minutes in the Toasted Pelican with her three best friends and she was ready to spill the beans? What kind of promise had she made? How flimsy was her loyalty to Ian? How could she expect to withstand the pressure when he disappeared and they demanded to know what happened?

“Tess.” Lacey squeezed her hand. “You know we’re here for you, no matter what.”

She nodded, grabbing hold of that absolute unassailable fact.

“We always have been and always will be,” Jocelyn added. “We love you, so no matter what you want to tell us, it’s okay.”