used to the world always being the w ay they thought it was.
The small ones are harder. The small ones have to learn to
fight early and take nothing for granted, the small, w iry ones
you cannot surprise; when I am a master I will take on the
small, w iry ones; or assign them to someone else, maybe
someone who can step on them, a real tall girl who would get
something out o f it by just treating them like bugs; but now I
take the big ones, and I fucking smash their faces in; I kick
them; I hit them; I kick them blind; I like smashing their faces
in with one kick, I like dancing on their chests, their rheumy
old chests, with my toes, big, swinging kicks, and I like one
big one between the legs, for the sake o f form and symbolism,
to pay my respects to content as such, action informed by the
imperatives o f literature. Sometimes they got knives or
bottles, they’re fast, they’re good, but they are fucking drunk
and all sprawled out, and I like smashing the bottles into their
fucking faces and I like taking the knives, for my collection; I
like knives. I find them drunk and lying down and I hurt them
and I run; and I fucking don’t care about fair; discuss fair at the
U . N .; vote on it; from which I enunciate another political
principle, It is obscene for a girl to think about fair. Every girl
needs a man, gets an itch, the nights are long, I’m restless, it’s
not natural for a girl to be alone, without a man; instead o f
locking the windows and locking the doors and waiting for
one to crawl in I go out to find him; not ladylike but selfdetermining, another girl for choice; a girl needs someone big and strong, a macho man, a streetwise, street tough, street
crazy man, a hero o f freedom, a loose man, unattached, a
solitary poet o f drink and darkness, a city prince; I have always
found that a girl needs a boy. These ones are old and mean;
none o f them’s innocent and who cares? I fucking don’t care.
It’s been justified up m y ass. Besides it’s just sport, recreational
training, some ways to get through the night, means and
methods, because I can’t sleep, because if you go to sleep they
will hurt you, one o f them or some o f them or some other o f
them; whoever these ones hurt, I’m taking her place, whoever
she was, they don’t know us apart, cunt is cunt is cunt, I’m
taking her place now, when I choose, I’m standing in for her
now, when it’s good for me; is it good for you? And there’s
one will stand in for me. There’s anonymous women m oving
through the night; I have m y husband here, right in front o f
me, I have a gun to his head, I pull the trigger, it is an
execution, m y right, any time, any place; his life is mine,
because he hurt me; dreadful; a dreadful hurt. I want him
executed so I can be free o f fear; and if there was justice I could
do it any time, any place; I’d have the gun; I’d have the choice;
I’d have the right. I think I have a twin in the night, some girl
standing in for me; who will just smash his fucking head in. I
think one day they will gather, the women, outside where he
