Blurred

“What’s going on?” I sank down onto the floor in front of him. “Did something happen?”

“Do you know what I am, Anaya?” His brown eyes connected with mine and they looked so tired.

“Because I do.”

Shock fizzled through me. “H-how do you know?”

“How long have you known?” Cash growled. “How long have you known that I’m a shadow walker and how long have you been keeping it from me?”

Finn looked confused, but I could only shake my head. “I haven’t known the whole time,” I said in a panic. “I spoke to Easton and he…he showed me. I swear to you, Cash, I had no idea until a few days ago. I wasn’t even certain until the lake, after you crossed over with me.”

How did he know? Who had he been talking to who would have known, because I was certain he hadn’t found this in one of his books. This kind of information wasn’t even widely known in the afterlife, let alone the living world.

“Did you know?” I asked Finn, who was staring at Cash in disbelief.

“No way,” he said. “How the hell would I have known?”

“Tell me what it means,” Cash said.

“You’re a soul caught between life and death. It’s the only thing that would explain you being able to cross between worlds and force me into corporeality.”

“And why, exactly, does that make me so important?”

I shuddered, remembering the boy shoving souls over the cliff in Umbria. “It means you can be used to collect lost souls. At least that’s most likely what Balthazar wants you for. As for the shadow demons…”

“Yeah, I know,” he sneered. “I’m up next on the buffet line. I get it.”

“Cash,” I stopped him. “No. They wouldn’t want you for that. I mean they would, but you’re too valuable. They’d use you as a poacher, rounding up lost souls to deliver to the weaker ones below.”

Cash’s brows furrowed together and he shook his head mechanically. “No…he would have told me,” he whispered.

“Who would have told you?”

He ignored me, wringing his hands to ease the way they were shaking, if I had to guess. “Don’t lie to me about this, Anaya. If you’re just trying to scare me, to get me to side with you—”

“I’ve seen it,” I said.

Cash gritted his teeth and looked away. Someone had gotten to him. But who? And what kind of lies were they filling his head with?

“How did I become like this? Why me?”

I swallowed, uselessly. “When I brought you back. Didn’t take you. It must have triggered it. I thought…” I stopped and looked at him, bundled up in a black sweater, a burgundy scarf wrapped tight around his neck. A knit cap shoved over his raven-black hair even though it was obviously a warm spring day. His skin was pale. His eyes tired and dark. He didn’t look alive. He looked like Easton had said. Straddling the line.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “This shouldn’t have happened. I didn’t…I didn’t realize how old your soul was. I didn’t realize what you were or why Balthazar wanted you.”

“How old my soul is? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Finn stared at Cash with a little wonder in his eyes. “It means you’ve lived before. Lots of times.

This isn’t your first life.”

Cash closed his eyes and shook his head. “No…. no.” He said through gritted teeth. “If I’d been through all this more than once, don’t you think I’d remember something? Don’t you think I’d be a little better at it by now?”

“No,” I said. “You wouldn’t remember. It doesn’t work that way.”

“But Em remembers a little. From before.”

“That’s only because I helped her see.”

“Then help me see!” Cash stared at me, hope glinting in his eyes. “Help me see, so this feels real. So

I don’t feel like a complete nutcase.”

I couldn’t show him. I couldn’t allow myself to see his past. I was already crossing too many lines, forming bonds that were going leave me in shreds when this was done. “I can’t. I won’t.”

Cash buried his face in his hands and trembled. The ends of his burgundy scarf dangled over his knees. I looked up at Finn and he nodded. He didn’t have to hear the words. He knew. At least we still had that between us. He stood and patted Cash on the shoulder, then walked out of the room. I soaked in the silence until I heard an engine roar to life outside.

Slowly, he pulled his face out of his hands. His dark eyes burned me. His lips, pressed into a hard line, broke me. I reached out and placed my hand over his. He just stared at it for a minute, but after a few shallow breaths he finally laced his fingers through mine. I knew he was only touching me for the warmth, but I’d take it.

“So is this the only reason you’re here?” he asked, refusing to look at me. “To you, I’m just another soul to deliver. Only I don’t get to go where the rest of your souls go. I get hand-delivered to your boss.”

“It’s not like that,” I whispered. “I wanted to take you the first time I saw you. I wanted to give you that salvation. I still want to. You have no idea what this is doing to me, to see you like this. I wish I had a choice.”

He shook his head like he didn’t believe me.

“Cash?” I asked, softly. “How did you find out? Who told you? If someone has been speaking to you, I need to know.”

He stared at our intertwined fingers, quiet, as his thumb traced circles over my wrist. “What does he have on you, Anaya?”

He lifted his eyes and my stomach sank with a sick feeling. Did he know this too? He couldn’t.

Nobody knew but Balthazar and me.

“If you don’t want to be a part of whatever is happening to me, then what is Balthazar doing to make you do it?” he asked. “I know that babysitting a human probably isn’t in your job description. So I’m asking again. What are you getting out of this?”

Guilt stabbed at my insides, screaming, tell him, tell him! I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him that I’d agreed to deny him everlasting peace so I could be with my family, with Tarik, again. I pulled my fingers from his. I didn’t deserve his touch. This wasn’t right. God…this was so wrong. What was I doing?

Cash studied my face for a moment, no doubt seeing the lie before it even formed on my lips. He grimaced and pushed to his feet. The connection between us pulsed with pain and regret. “That’s fine.

Keep your secrets, Anaya. I’ll keep mine, too.”

Chapter 20

Cash

“Happy birthday,” Emma said in a singsong voice as I opened the door. She leaned on the doorframe, holding a plate with an oversize piece of birthday cake sitting on it like a work of art. A little fondant replica of me stood atop the cake, with a T-shirt on that said I’m kind of big deal. I laughed and dropped the box I was holding on the floor.

“He’s edible, too,” she said when she saw me squinting to read the little Cash’s T-shirt.

“Just like in real life.” I grinned.

“Ha, ha.” Emma raised a brow. “So, are you going to let me in or what?”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh yeah?” She breezed past me. “Since when? Because this is the first year I can remember that you didn’t put in a request for the flavor you wanted three months ahead.”

“Things are different now.”

Now I was on my way out. I sat down on the bed with Emma and took the fork she handed me. She took the first bite and laughed around a mouthful of red velvet cake.

“You’re right,” she finally said. “Now you’re actually old enough to do all of the illegal crap you do for