Noah pointed to a shadow that was swirling out from under a bathroom stall, a sickening hiss seeping from its belly. Before I could look away, three more followed, churning the fear in my gut until it bubbled up into my throat.
“Every soul you touch will rot,” he whispered, stepping closer. “You will be hated. You will be feared. You will be the very thing inside of you that you’re trying to fight. Don’t let one pretty face trap you into that kind of existence.”
I didn’t want to believe what he was telling me, but it made sense. Why the fuck did this have to be so hard? The feelings inside me that were building for Anaya, the connection that had nothing to do with attraction, it was twisting everything that should have been clear.
“I’m offering you friendship,” Noah said, sounding deflated. “I’m offering you a kind of immortality they will deny you. The chance to do something good in this world.”
Noah clasped a hand over my shoulder and the chill from his skin seeped through my T-shirt, bringing the brigade of goose bumps on my arms to attention. If it was possible, he was even colder than me. A bell rattled out in the hall, starting the countdown until students would start to rush through that door.
“Just think about it,” he said. “I’ll see you soon.”
The touch on my shoulder disappeared and when I turned around, Noah was nowhere to be seen.
Once again he’d left me not knowing what the hell to think or believe. Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of blue hovered behind an open bathroom stall.
“Hello?”
The kid who had taken off when Noah showed up crept out from behind its edge. “Is he gone?”
I nodded, not really knowing what to make of this kid who was obviously dead, or the fact that I was having a conversation with him. “Why are you afraid of him? He just wants to help you.”
The boy vigorously shook his head and wrapped his little arms around his middle. “The souls that go with him never come back,” he whispered. “He takes them down there.”
I knelt down in front of him, not wanting him to be afraid of me. I needed him to go on. “Down where?”
His gaze drifted to the shadow demons that were now hissing and snapping behind me. The kid backed up and they inched closer. “Down to them,” he finally answered before disappearing through the wall like a puff of blue smoke. The three shadows behind me zipped past in a black blur as they chased after him and I tripped over my own feet trying to stand up.
What had he meant that Noah took them down to them? As in, he delivered them to the shadow demons? That didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t know what he was talking about, could he? Maybe he had Noah confused with a reaper. You couldn’t really tell the difference after all.
Right?
Fuck, I didn’t need this. I needed to know who to trust. Maybe I couldn’t trust any of them. Maybe I really was alone in this. I grabbed the sides of my head to try to make the thoughts slow down. They wouldn’t. They just spun Tilt-A-Whirl circles in my skull over and over until they crept down my aching throat. Into my clenched fists.
Everything went black. A blinding, screaming black.
And when it was light again I was standing in front of a broken mirror. My fist was bleeding. My cheeks were wet. But at least the thoughts were gone. Everything in my brain was horribly blank, replaced by a hurt that wouldn’t go away.
The bathroom door swung open and I turned away from the broken reflection of my face in the mirror. Finn stood gawking at me, his green eyes sweeping over the bathroom like he was looking for who could have done this. Like he couldn’t believe that I’d done it myself.
“What happened?” he asked, walking over. Slow. Cautious. He pulled the gray sweatshirt he was wearing over his head and wrapped one of the sleeves around my trembling, bloody hand.
I didn’t know what to say to him. I still wasn’t ready to tell him about Noah, not when I didn’t know whose side he was really on—or what side I needed to be on, for that matter. What I did know was that
Finn was keeping something from all of us and I wanted to know what it was. Seeing the hard look in his eyes as he talked about Balthazar that night in Emma’s room was enough to tell me that he knew exactly what this Balthazar guy was capable of.
Swallowing a lump of pride down my throat, I stared at my replacement. The guy who had everything I used to have. Emma. A life. A future. I wanted to hate him for it, but I couldn’t. Not when him having all of those things meant Emma being happy. Even if that meant I didn’t get to have them anymore. Finn took another hesitant step forward and laid a hand on my shoulder. I wiped my bloody hands on my jeans and shuddered out a breath full of want and loss and fear. Then I said three words I never thought I’d say to Finn.
“I need help.”
Chapter 19
I stood outside Cash’s house in the sunshine. It felt right, here in the light. In the sun. Its rays clung to me, caressed my hair and skin, whispering goodness into my ears. I missed when this was all there was. Before I made this mistake that I’d give anything in the world to take away. I could feel Cash inside the house, his hurt and uncertainty tugging on the invisible threads between us. I finally gave in and stepped through the warm, wooden front door and into the empty hall.
There weren’t any voices to follow. Just the sound of memories being packed away into boxes. The rip and press of tape sealing it all away. I found them in the den. Cash sat in a pile of books.
Surprisingly, Finn was with him, taping up a box, as if he belonged there.
“You’re sure you want to pack all of this away? Now?” Finn said, standing up. “We could wait, you know, until…”
Cash looked up when he trailed off. “Until what?” he said. “He’s not coming back. You should know that better than anybody.” He tossed a book into a box with a little more force than necessary and sighed. “Look, you said you wanted to help. So stop treating me like a fucking fragile little girl and help me already.”
Finn nodded and unfolded another cardboard box for a pile of jackets that were stacked on the big oak coffee table.
“Besides.” Cash ran his hand over the cover of a thick red leather-bound book. “I don’t want Em or her mom to have to deal with any of this when…”
“I told you nothing’s going to happen to you,” Finn said, voice tense. “We will think of something.
So just stop talking like that, okay?” His shoulders sagged with the weight of the lie. Cash just shook his head and opened another book.
I took a deep breath, feeling myself fuse together cell by cell until the warmth was so intense it consumed me.
When the room came into focus, Cash was staring at me, jaw clenched, fingers stretched tight and white around the binding of a book. I’d left things badly between us. Refusing to let him see his father, then disappearing and leaving him alone with no explanation. I touched the spot on my chest that ached with guilt.
“I need to talk to him.” I spoke to Finn but didn’t take my eyes off this boy who sat in front of me.
His eyes trained on my face, filling me with something so familiar it stole what little breath I was allowing myself to take.
“No.” Cash turned his attention to Finn, lips pressed together as a look of understanding passed between them. “I want him to stay.”
I sighed. “Suit yourself.”
Finn settled onto the arm of a shiny brown leather sofa. Cash stayed where he was, huddled in a pile of books that smelled like his father.
He shook his head, gaze fixed on his hands. There was a battle going on inside him. I could feel it.
See it written all over his face.
