Blurred

My breath caught in my throat and I tripped over my own feet backing away. “What the hell is wrong with him?”

Anaya stepped to my side and didn’t waste any time tugging me away, back toward the gates. Once she’d shoved me though, she stepped in front of me, blocking me from the redhead’s view.

“I told you there was more than a Heaven and a Hell,” she said.

“What happens to them?”

“Some are reborn. Some go to Heaven,” she admitted, looking sad. “The rest decay before they get that chance. Those that do turn to shadows.”

I thought about the empty black pits that once were that kid’s eyes. There wasn’t anything there. He was empty. It was just like Noah said. He’d been telling me the truth.

“And this is where Finn took souls?” I pointed to the gates, shaking. “That’s what he did willingly for over seventy years? He dropped souls off so that they could…rot? Turn into shadow demons?”

“Why does it matter?” Anaya folded her arms across her chest, her brows pulled together in frustration.

“Why?” I exploded. “Because that asshole is sleeping with my best friend!”

Anaya’s eyes blazed, and for once I didn’t think it was desire. She stomped forward and stuck her finger into my chest. It practically sizzled against my skin.

“That asshole is the only reason Emma isn’t a shadow demon,” she seethed. “She was one of the doomed. She was wandering this wasteland, rotting, and he risked everything to save her, to give her the life she’s living now so that she wouldn’t transition into one of them.”

I fought to control my breathing. It was coming so fast and hard that it hurt. My head was spinning.

What was she saying? That Em… my Em was almost one of those things? How was that even possible?

Emma was good. No, screw that. She was better than good. She was a saint compared to me. So how in the hell did she ever even end up in this place? What kind of fucked-up system was this? I didn’t have to time to grill Anaya any further. She glared at me once more before latching onto my wrist and the soul patiently waiting on us. Without warning the world fell out from under me. Light exploded around us and reality went spinning off into space. When it was over Anaya released me and I collapsed to my knees.

“Damn it, Anaya!” I groaned just before I gripped my knees and heaved, watching my breakfast empty onto the crystal clear floor under my feet. As quickly as it landed it turned to vapor and seeped into a midnight-blue sky, turning to sparks once it hit the night. I watched in awe as my breath fogged over the glass-like surface. My stomach rolled again with the impossibility of what was happening.

Anaya rested a hand on my shoulder and sighed.

“I told you—”

I glared up at her and shook her hand off. “Really? You want to give me an ‘I told you so’ now?”

She sighed and took a step back. “Never mind.”

“Where are we now? Hell? Not really sure how it could get any worse than the last place.”

Anaya looked at me, considering, then held her hand out into the air and closed her eyes. The white mist around us clung to her fingertips like puppet strings, just waiting for her to tell it where to go. A small smile lifted her lips as she smoothed her hand through the air like she was wiping a window clean. The fog parted, clouds scattering at her command. I couldn’t catch my breath when I saw it. A pair of enormous gold gates the color of Anaya’s eyes glowed against the ice-blue sky. Three big lavender-tinged moons bobbed around a collection of bright-white clouds. A lulling hum vibrated through the air, sounding far away. She looked back at me and the smile fell from her lips.

“You need to close your eyes and look away when I take her in,” she said, reaching out behind her to grab the dead girl’s hand. The girl didn’t hesitate. Just bit her bottom lip and clutched on to Anaya like she’d never let go.

“What?” I scrambled to get to my feet. “Why?”

“My eyes look like this for a reason,” she whispered. “That place…it wasn’t meant for the living to see. The purity of that place will burn you…blind you.”

“Is my…” I cleared my throat and stared at the gates. “My dad’s in there. Isn’t he?”

Anaya looked away and nodded.

“I want to see him.” I stepped forward.

“No.” Anaya pressed her open palm against my chest to stop me, and my eyes gravitated to the warm spot pooling beneath my shirt where her fingers lay. I had to take a deep breath to stop my heart from pounding so hard she’d be able to feel it.

I looked up at her, needing her to understand. “You owe me this. You could have warned me. Let me say good-bye…and you didn’t.”

“You can’t pass those gates to get to the ones you love any more than I can.” She pulled her hand away. “We don’t get the luxury of good-byes, Cash. It’s part of death. Accept it.”

The hurt in her voice told me we weren’t just talking about my dad anymore. Who did Anaya have behind those gates? She walked away like she was dismissing me…like this didn’t matter. I was getting so sick of her walking away from me every time I got close, every time things got hard that my blood boiled. I balled my hands into fists at my sides. “Don’t walk away from me, Anaya!”

She didn’t turn around. Just walked hand in hand with the soul in tow, her braids swinging behind her.

“Turn around,” she said. “And this time don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

The gates parted and light exploded from the gleaming space between them. I threw my arm over my eyes and turned away as the most perfect heat caressed my back. I felt dizzy. Not right. I sank down onto my knees, feeling like somebody had wrapped my brain in cotton. I don’t know how long I sat like that. Time didn’t seem to matter anymore. But after what seemed like an eternity, warm fingers whispered across my skin. Through my hair. Anaya’s voice was soft in my ears, but I still couldn’t open my eyes.

“Cash.”

I reached out in front of me, trying to grab hold of something familiar.

“You’re home,” she said.

Something jolted me out of it. The cotton freed from around my thoughts. Rocks ground into my back and I sat up, looking around the empty beach. My clothes sat beside me and afternoon sunlight glinted off the lake water.

“Anaya,” I said, voice cracking, not sounding anything like me. “Ana—” I stopped myself. I didn’t have to say her name. The emptiness around me, the cold engulfing me—it was all I needed to feel to know that she was gone.

Chapter 18

Cash

The room was spinning. Or maybe it was just my head. I blinked away a few of the purple spots that dotted my vision and squinted at the chicken scratch Mr. Reynolds had scrawled across the chalkboard. He was saying something about…the Magna Carta? I didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t even care. I was starting to lose count of the sleepless nights. One night of sleep with Anaya was not going to make up for the rest. Especially when she’d proceeded to drag my ass all over the afterlife.

It had been two days and I still hadn’t fully recovered. Last night had been yet another night of tossing and turning, listing to the hisses echo across my room in the dark. After a certain point, could you even call it insomnia anymore? Could a person die from a lack of sleep? It sure as hell felt like it.

It felt like my insides were turning black like a banana you’ve left out on the counter too long. It felt like those little shadow bastards were killing me without even touching me. Like they were just waiting for that last