Blurred

was going to happen to me? It had been hard enough just to escape my room tonight.

And if I couldn’t trust Noah, either, I didn’t stand a chance. Damn it, I was so screwed. I wasn’t going to escape this no matter how long I hid in Finn’s apartment.

I stepped around the table and paced the room. My throat was closing up. I felt dizzy. God…was this shit ever going to end? I couldn’t take any more.

“I can’t…I can’t…” I pressed my fists into my eyes and tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t breathe.

“Hey.” Finn settled a hand on my shoulder. “Sit down before you pass out.”

I let him lead me over to the couch and fell backward into the cushions.

Scout leaned over to squint at me. “He’s losing it.”

Finn shot him a cold glare. “Leave him alone. He didn’t choose this.”

I couldn’t even form words. My tongue felt dead in my mouth. Pain blossomed in my stomach and suddenly there wasn’t enough air in the room. No, no, no! I needed to warn him about Noah. Maybe

Noah wasn’t working for the shadow demons. Maybe he’d gone rogue and was some kind of vigilante for the afterlife. Even as the theories spun to life in my head, I knew they didn’t feel right. Something inside Noah was dark. I just prayed that same darkness didn’t live inside me.

Chapter 25

Cash

My eyes were throbbing behind my closed lids. Pulsing in the thin veil of darkness that separated me from the rest of the world. I’d only been asleep for an hour, if that, when I felt it start to creep over my skin. The warmth. Her warmth. It was all I needed to feel for sparks to ignite across the dark, burning me into awareness.

I heard the blur of whispers in the next room. Quiet. Urgent. Clearly not wanting me to hear what they were saying. Screw that. I was over the secrets. I groaned and sat up, raking my fingers through my hair like a comb. It didn’t help. I could see myself in the reflection of Finn’s crappy TV.

Disorderly black spikes stuck up in every direction on top of my head. Like it mattered anyway. I was at death’s doorstep. I don’t think anyone was expecting me to look my best.

Seven a.m. sunshine doused the dusty living room through the sheer white curtains that covered the window. I crept across the room and stopped at Finn’s bedroom door. I pressed my palms on the doorframe and leaned in to listen to the voices on the other side.

“I don’t have another choice,” Anaya whispered. “You have to help me convince him.”

Finn laughed. “You honestly think he’d listen to me?”

“Yes.”

Footsteps caused the floorboards to groan. “You’re delusional if you believe that,” Finn said.

“Besides, this is beyond screwed up, Anaya. He has rights.”

“According to Balthazar, those rights have been removed,” she hissed. “Look. I realize this is unfair but it’s the better of two horrible options.”

Uncomfortable silence spread throughout the bedroom until it made its way around the doorframe, where it wrapped around me like a tourniquet. Strangling me. What options?

“You have no idea what they would do to him down there,” she whispered. “I’ve seen it.”

She’d seen what? Did this have to do with Noah? I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and stepped around the doorframe. Anaya spun around and her gold eyes turned into big flaming saucers. Finn barely glanced at me before his gaze found his sneakers.

“You’ve seen what?” I said. “What’s going on?”

Anaya stepped forward, blending in with the sunshine around her, making her look almost human.

“Cash…” She closed her mouth like she didn’t know where to go from here.

“Tell him,” Finn said, his gaze trained on Anaya. “Tell him what you want me to do.”

She never broke her gaze from mine. Almost as if she were hoping I’d pull the answers out of her without her having to say the words.

“Tell me what?” I stepped forward, shaking. Shaking so hard I could feel my bones rattling together.

“No more secrets. Just tell me what the hell is going on.”

“I need you to let him help you die,” she said.

“What?”

“Kill you,” Finn snapped. “She wants me to kill you.”

I looked to Anaya, wanting her to tell me he was lying. She didn’t.

“It’s the only way I can save you.” She stepped forward. “I don’t want to watch you suffer anymore.

I can’t.”

My feet took a step away from her without my brain telling them to.

“Tell him the rest, Anaya,” Finn said. He folded his arms across the black T-shirt stretched over his chest.

She glared at Finn, then looked back to me. “If we do this now, we can assure I’m the one to collect you and not the shadows. And I can save you this way, Cash. I can get you to where you were meant to go. If we do this, I can get you across the gates before he finds out. He can’t touch you once you’re there. Neither of them can.”

Her words were floating around in my head like balloons without the strings attached. I shook my head, hoping they’d fall into place and make some kind of sense. She wanted me to give up. Die.

“They?” My heart pounded and I rubbed my palm over my chest. “Do you mean Noah?”

Anaya and Finn exchanged a confused glance. “Noah? Is he the one who’s been telling you things?

Is he how you know what you are?”

Don’t tell them. They’ll destroy you just as quickly as they would me if they ever caught me.

Noah’s voice echoed in my mind like poison. I pushed it out. Anaya didn’t want to hurt me. She cared about me. Or maybe she just cared about some dead guy I used to be. Either way, I trusted her.

“He’s like me,” I admitted. “He’s a shadow walker. He said I couldn’t trust you. That if I went with you I’d be responsible for turning souls into shadow demons.”

Cautiously, Anaya stepped toward me. “Cash, listen to me. He is dangerous. He’s been feeding you lies.”

“Why would he do that?” I said. “You said it yourself, I’m too valuable to be tossed aside as meat.

What could he want me for?”

“He’s been enslaved to Umbria for Almighty knows how long,” she said, solemnly. I watched a braid fall across her face and she gently pushed it away. “He’s recruiting you.”

“I know.” I stumbled back against the doorframe feeling weak and hating every second of it. “He helps souls escape. He gives them peace.”

“Peace?” Anaya scoffed. “He delivers them to shadow demons in Umbria to be eaten! Open your eyes. See him for what he is. Maybe he was a good soul once. One with a heart and a conscience, but not anymore. He’s a puppet. He’s a puppet that’s been sent to bring you in.”

I braced my palms on my knees and breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth. I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. The room was starting to spin around me. Noah lied to me. He was going to use me just like this Balthazar guy wanted to.

“You can either be at peace with working for Balthazar, or go through with my plan to get you through the gates. If you refuse both of these options, then the shadow demons will collect you. And what they use you for will be far worse. I promise you that.”

This was a nightmare. I rubbed my cold palms over my face trying to scrub away the dumb look I could feel settled there.