“Yeah. I guess I don’t take heartbreak well.”
“So what happened after that?”
“I sat in the car for a while not knowing what to do. Then I decided I had to get home. I didn’t want to see anyone but Max. So I drove back to your place and waited until Jen and Scott came to get you. Once you had gone, I went in and got my stuff.” I wince at his expression of shock.
“Shit. Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I couldn’t, Danny. I was devastated. I watched you leave and it was like…” I gulp and just about manage to stop the tears brimming out of my eyes. I have to look at the ceiling to blink them back. One escapes but I catch it with my finger and then I’m okay again. “It was the worst experience of my life. I watched you get in their car, honestly believing I would never see you again.” I sniff.
“I can’t believe you were there,” he says quietly.
“I went in, once I was sure you had gone, grabbed all my stuff and left.”
“Just like that?” he asks as if it was the easiest decision of my life.
“No, not just like that. I was sobbing. I threw up in your bathroom. It was awful…” Then as I’m explaining it to him, it dawns on me. The jewellery bag. I hadn’t thought about it for a while, but it was the kick in the teeth that let me know how little I meant to him and when I mentioned it to him before, he completely ignored it.
“What?” he asks with concern, seeing my expression change.
“There was a jewellery bag in the kitchen. It was empty” I say slowly.
Danny nods.
“That really twisted the knife, Danny. Did you give it to her?”
“It was for you.” He frowns, hurt that I would think otherwise. “I had it with me.”
I look at him; he’s looking so intense. But it’s the truth, with him I can always tell face to face. I feel that relief again, but this time it feels whole. I think that jewellery bag was the thing that was holding me back. Even once I believed what he told me about what happened with her, I think I still thought he gave the contents of that bag to her. “I’m sorry,” I say, hoping it will be enough.
Just then our waiter brings over our starter, a big board of antipasti to share. My stomach contracts, I don’t know how I’m going to force anything down with this conversation happening. We watch each other in tense silence as the waiter rearranges the table to accommodate the dish and refreshes our wine glasses.
“I still have it you know,” Danny says once we are alone again. “The jewellery I bought you.” He smiles. “I might save it for your birthday. It’s only a few weeks away and it’s the big 3-0!”
I smile back, but sigh. “I feel like I don’t deserve it now. I should have trusted you.”
“God, no. After what I did and then what you saw, you did what anyone would have done. Please stop beating yourself up.” He reaches across to squeeze my hand. Then he looks at the table. “We should eat this food.”
“I know,” I say taking a deep breath. A couple of sips of wine help me and we start to eat. It isn’t as difficult as I thought and the food is delicious. We make a good job of the starter and make some small talk. Fortunately the restaurant is busy, so the buzz fills the silences and it’s a while before our main courses arrive.
In the interval between courses, Danny picks up our conversation. “So do you feel any better now that we’ve talked about it in more detail?”
“Yes, I suppose I do.” I smile. I feel a lot better.
“Do you want to talk about it anymore?”
“No, not really.”
“So can we talk about the future now?” he asks with a tentative smile.
“I guess so.” I smile. “You can start by telling me what your plans are,” I say, regaining some of my confidence.
“What plans?”
“Well you jumped on a plane because I hurt myself and you’re still in limbo at Max’s a month later. How long are you planning to stay?”
He shakes his head. “Liv, I’ve moved here,” he says simply.
I blink at him. “Even though we broke up?”
“I planned to come here to be with you, that’s what I’ve done.” He shrugs.
“Oh. So do you need to go back and get all of your stuff?”
“Nope, it arrived on Monday.”
“You shipped it? Where is it?”
“In storage.”
I look at him in disbelief. “So you aren’t going back?”
“I hope not.” He laughs. “My stuff is here, the apartment has gone, the truck is sold, Dad took my furniture and I cancelled my credit cards and cell. I think I’m better off here, don’t you?”
“What if I didn’t…what if we never got back together?” I stutter.
“I needed you to see how serious I was about us. It was a risk worth taking.”
I breathe deeply as my heart does a backflip. I’m such an idiot. We are interrupted by our main course. Gah! Food again!
When we are once again alone, I continue. 'So this is it? Are we starting again?' I’m a bag of nerves.
'I don't think we can start again, do you?' he says. 'We've wasted too much time already.'
'So we just pick up where we left off?' I gulp.
'Too scary?'
'A bit. Don't you think?'
'I don't think it is. Look at it this way, if LA never happened, we would be together, right? So really it's just a question of whether you can forget what happened in LA and simply be with me like we were.' He holds my gaze. 'You're on my mind 24/7 and I see you watching me, it's all still there, so it just comes down to this…Can we put LA behind us?'
I’ve been watching him and thinking about him too. I would love to erase the memories from my head, they have haunted me. But now I know the facts there is no point in going over it all ever again. I don't know what I'm afraid of. We have certainly been here before and despite all that has happened, I know a future without him is going to be harder than anything that comes at us when we are together.
“You told me once that you were afraid I would turn out to be just human and that I would hurt you. I told you then that I am just human and that I could be hurt just as easily. Well I’m still human…I’m still me and I know we could still destroy each other. But I don’t care, because a life without you isn’t worth living…I dare you.' He whispers, with a cheeky tone. 'Let me back in, you won’t regret it.'
I grin, he has such a way of making me believe. 'Okay,' I say quietly.
'But with new rules.' He adds. 'I'm never going to lie to you again and you are going to confront me if you think I have. Deal?'
'Deal.' I smile.
He grins back. 'Good, now eat your food.'
We somehow finish our meal without taking our conversation any further, although my mind races with all of the possibilities. Will he kiss me? Will he take me home? Will he move in? Will we live happily ever after? I’m giddy by the time our plates are cleared. The waiter offers us the dessert menu but we unanimously decline, opting instead for coffee while the waiter calls our car back for us. Danny pays the bill and we head outside. There is no sign of the car yet, but we both wanted to leave the restaurant.
Danny is watching me when I turn to him and he steps towards me so that we are almost touching. He strokes my face with the back of his hand and moves a strand of hair away from my eyes. 'I’ve missed you so much,' he says as his fingers slip into my hair, bringing my lips to his. My lips part and his tongue explores my mouth slowly. I can't let go of my crutches, so I just stand there, locked in this unhurried reconciliation. I was expecting more urgency from both of us, but this has been a long time coming and it's worth savouring. Besides, we are a long way from home, so we can't tear each other’s clothes off.
Our car pulls up and Danny breaks the kiss. He holds open the door for me then climbs in beside me. His hand finds mine in the dark as we set off for home and I sigh with relief as our fingers intertwine. I glance over at him and in the flickering light I see him smiling to himself too.
