Chapter Fourteen
Danny
I'm not afraid anymore.
I direct the driver to the back of the diner, so that we don't announce to the world how well our date went. Liv goes ahead and opens the door while I pay the guy and I catch her up as she steps into her hallway. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and kiss her neck, she moans softly. She lets go of her crutches as I turn her around, holding them in one hand as she wraps her free arm around my neck. I pick her up with ease and carry her upstairs. I stand holding her in the living room, reluctant to put her down.
“What is it?” she asks, wondering why I have let her go.
I blink back to the present. “I promised myself I wouldn't touch you until you were better.' I say breathing harder, feeling the tension. 'But I don’t think I can wait that long to be with you.'
'Neither do I.' She drops her crutches and takes my face in her hands.
“I can though, it doesn’t have to be tonight,” I murmur against her lips.
“Yes,” she breathes, “it does.” She kisses me urgently and I respond, overwhelmed by how it feels to have her this close again. Even as our tongues caress, I can’t help reflecting on what it has taken to get here. I feel like stopping for a second to text Max and Jen, just to say ‘We did it!’. The feeling of triumph is amazing, but I’m afraid of pushing her too far emotionally or hurting her physically. We continue to kiss as I carry her into the bedroom and lay her gently on the bed. I switch on the lamp and lay down beside her. I’m so afraid to touch her that we just kiss.
“I won’t break you know,” she says.
I laugh. “How do you do that?”
“What?”
“Know what I’m thinking,” I say as I trail kisses over her face.
“I can tell you’re holding back.” She smiles and strokes her hand through my hair.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not made of glass, we’ll just have to do it old school. Can you cope with missionary?” She flashes me her beautiful smile.
“I’ll take anything if it means I can be with you.” I find her lips and lose myself in her.
Liv pulls at my shirt and untucks it from my pants. She pushes me up onto my knees and sits up, following me, not allowing our mouths to disconnect. Her kiss is full of longing, telling me that she has missed me too. Her warm breaths become groans as she licks and nips at my ear. I moan when she moves down my neck, she knows how this gets me. She pulls at the buttons on my shirt until they yield to her shaking fingers and when she slides it off, her goal becomes apparent. She groans as she runs her fingers over my tattoo, appraising it with hungry eyes before she begins kissing and tracing the lines with her tongue.
I laugh, easing her back onto the bed to do some exploring of my own. As I reach to peel her out of the dress that has driven me wild all night, her hand catches my arm and I hear her gasp. I freeze in realisation, pressing my lips together, I sit back on my heels. It has been almost a couple of weeks since I had it done and no one has seen it, and as it’s mostly healed now, I kinda forgot about it.
“What the hell?” She recoils as she stares in disbelief at the side of my ribs.
I run my hand through my hair nervously, aware that I look like a total stalker. If I’d remembered I would have prepared her. But seeing it like this has probably just weirded her out.
I sigh. “I can explain,” I say reluctantly as I pull at the bow of her wrap-over dress. Pushing the fabric away from her, I trace the words on her ribcage underneath our beautiful tree.
‘You are always rooted here with me.’
“I never asked you about this,” I say, glancing at her briefly, but returning my eyes to the beautiful words on her skin. “I was afraid you’d say it wasn’t about me.”
“It is,” she whispers.
“I know,” I reply. “I knew the moment I saw it, it’s our place. When did you get it done?”
She shrugs. “A long time ago.”
I laugh, shaking my head, more confident now. “You had it done four years ago, Max told me. Why is it so hard to admit that you have thought about me for years?”
She looks away from me. “Liv?” I bring her face back to mine with my hand.
“Because I didn’t believe I could keep you. And I didn’t want you knowing how heartbroken I’d be once you had gone again.”
“Is that why you ran in LA?”
She nods, tears threatening to roll from her glassy eyes.
“You thought it was inevitable, so why fight, right?”
She nods again.
After a moment, I ask her again. “When did you get it?”
She thinks. “Four years ago sounds about right.” She sighs. “Max and Charlie had gone off on their honeymoon. I’d helped them plan their wedding and once it was over I felt deflated. My dad had just died, it was before I met Mark and I was just low. I missed you. I’d tried not to for a long time, but with Max gone and everything feeling off centre, it really highlighted what was missing in my life.” She brushes her fingers over my skin. “Do you remember our tree?”
I smile and nod. “Of course I do.”
“I stayed away from it because it hurt too much, but at that time when I needed you, I went there and sat for a while, it made me feel like you were with me. I got this done because I wished you were by my side. Sometimes for me, this…” she waves her hand over her body.,“…is the only way of dealing with those kind of feelings. Everyone that has made an impact in my life, good or bad is represented here. Well everyone except you, because shutting it out was easier. Then those words came to me and I felt like doing this might be a cathartic experience.”
“Was it?”
She shakes her head. “Not really.” She half laughs. “Your turn to spill.” She says sitting forward.
“Okay.” I shift so that I’m sitting beside her. I touch her tattoo again. “I knew it was about me when I saw it, of course it was, that tree is like the symbol of us. I guess it helped me to know that you had been feeling exactly how I felt. I asked Max about it, because I was surprised that you’d been affected by me leaving enough to get this done. When he told me it was only for years ago, I couldn’t believe just how recently it had still been affecting you. I mean, I’ve been out of your life for twelve years. Why didn’t you look for me?”
“I had you married with kids in my mind.”
“You’re the only girl for me. You must know that by now,” I say, stroking her face.
She grins. “I didn’t then…and how is this explaining why we have the same tattoo?”
“Okay!” I laugh, relieved to see she isn’t angry about it. “When I came back here after LA, it was hell. You wouldn’t talk to me, you were hurt and I couldn’t help you. I had to hide in the shadows every time you came downstairs. At times I felt like I’d lost you for good. Then one day I was upset and I just went for a walk and found myself there. It’s still the same, I was surprised. I’ve struggled with the memory of it since I’ve been gone because that feels like where it all ended, but once I sat there in the peace and quiet, it wasn’t like that. Like you said, it made me feel like you were by my side.”
I glance down at my tattoo. I chose to reflect her wording. Mine says,
‘I am always rooted here with you.”
“Max helped get me an appointment again. He could see I was in a bad place. When I took the photos I had in to your guy, he remembered how yours looked but he said it wouldn’t be exactly the same because he did it free hand. I didn’t care, I just wanted to have it on me and I changed the words because yours are right. I will always be rooted with you, wherever you are.
“I needed to do this, either as a reminder to never screw things up so badly again, or…if I could get you back…a reminder that I had to keep you at all costs.” I sigh. “I thought it would show you that we are just the same. All our crazy insecurities are bullshit, you know? We are supposed to be together and the only thing that has
