Losing Hope

years imagined I’d be so consumed with the thought of a girl as I have been. Since the second I left her house Saturday night, I’ve done nothing but eat, breathe, and sleep with her on my mind.

“So how are you liking Sky?” my mom asks. She’s seated at the kitchen table eating her breakfast and reading the paper. I’m surprised she remembers her name. I only mentioned her once. I shut the refrigerator door and walk to the bar.

“She’s great,” I say. “I like her a lot.”

My mom puts down the paper and cocks her head. “She?” she says with an arched eyebrow. I don’t understand her confusion. I just stare at her until she shakes her head and laughs. “Oh, Jesus,” she says. “You’ve got it bad.”

Still confused. “What do you mean? You asked how I liked Sky and I answered you.”

She’s laughing even harder now. “I said school, Holder. I asked how you were liking school.”

Oh.

Maybe I do have it bad.

“Shut up.” I laugh, embarrassed.

She stops laughing and picks the newspaper up, holding it out in front of her. I grab my drink and my backpack and head toward the door. “Well?” she asks. “How do you like school?”

I roll my eyes at her. “It’s fine,” I say, backing out of the kitchen. “But I like Sky more.”

I walk to the car and shove my backpack inside. I wish I had thought to offer to pick her up today, but after spending most of Sunday texting back and forth, we agreed that we would take things slow. We decided not to run together in the mornings. She said it would be too much, too soon, and I definitely want to keep it at her pace, so I agreed. However, I can’t deny the fact that I was a little disappointed that she wants to run alone. I want to be around her every second of the day, but I also know she’s right. We spent one weekend together and it already feels like I’ve connected with her on a much deeper level than with any other girl I’ve dated. It’s a good feeling, but it also scares the hell out of me.

Before I back out of the driveway, I pull my phone out and text her.

I don’t know if your ego needs deflating today. I’ll judge for myself when I finally get to see you in fifteen minutes.

I set my phone down and back out of the driveway. When I make it to the first stop sign, I pick my phone back up and text her again.

Fourteen minutes.

I keep the phone in my hand and text her again when another minute has passed.

Thirteen minutes.

I do this every minute until I pull into the school parking lot and all the minutes have passed.

When I reach the classroom I peek through the window of the door. She’s seated in the back of the room next to a conveniently empty desk. My pulse kicks up a notch just from seeing her again. I open the door and walk inside and her face immediately lights up with a smile as soon as she sees me.

I reach the back of the room and begin to lay my backpack down on the empty desk at the same time some dude tries to set his drinks down. I look at him and he looks at me, then we both look at Sky, because I don’t want to shove him away until she gives me permission.

“Looks like we have quite the predicament here, boys,” she says with an adorable grin. She looks at the coffee being held in the hands of the guy standing next to me. “I see the Mormon brought the queen her offering of coffee. Very impressive.” She looks at me and arches an eyebrow. “Do you wish to reveal your offering, hopeless boy, so that I may decide who shall accompany me at the classroom throne today?”

She’s teasing me. I love it. And now that I think about it, this must be the guy she’s been sitting with at lunch all week. One look at his hot pink shoes and matching pants relieves me of any worry that he’s about to become my competition.

I pick up my backpack and let him have the seat. “Looks like someone’s in need of an ego-shattering text today.” I take an empty seat in the row in front of her.

“Congratulations, squire,” she says to the guy with the coffee. “You are the queen’s chosen one today. Sit. It’s been quite the weekend.”

He takes a seat, but he’s eyeing her curiously. It’s clear by the look on his face that he has no idea what happened between Sky and me this weekend. “Breckin, this is Holder,” Sky says, introducing me to him. “Holder is not my boyfriend, but if I catch him trying to break the record for best first kiss with another girl, then he’ll soon be my not breathing nonboyfriend.”

Oh, don’t worry, babe. I’m not about to try and break that record with anyone but you.

I smile at her. “Likewise.”

“Holder, this is Breckin,” she says, gesturing her hand toward him. “Breckin is my new very bestest friend ever in the whole wide world.”

If he’s Sky’s best friend, then I’m pretty sure he’s about to become my second-best friend. I reach my hand out to him. Breckin is cautious as he returns the handshake, then he turns to Sky and lowers his voice. “Does not-your-boyfriend realize I’m Mormon?”

Sky smiles and nods. “It turns out, Holder doesn’t have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes.”

Breckin laughs and I’m still trying to process if Mormon really means Mormon in this case, because it sure sounds like code for something else entirely.

“Well, in that case, welcome to the alliance,” Breckin says to me.

I look down at the coffee cup on his desk. If Mormon means Mormon, that better be decaf. “I thought Mormons weren’t allowed to have caffeine,” I say to him.

Breckin shrugs. “I decided to break that rule the morning I woke up gay.”

I laugh. I think I like this Mormon.

Sky leans back in her seat and smiles at me. It feels good to get the approval from the only friend she seems to have here. Mr. Mulligan walks in so I lean toward Sky before he starts his lecture. “Wait for me after class?”

She smiles and nods.

* * *

When we reach her locker, it’s lined with sticky notes again.

Assholes.

I wad them up and drop them on the floor, just as I always do when I pass her locker. She switches her books, then turns to face me. “You trimmed your hair,” she says.

I’m not even about to admit how hard it is to find a barber open on Sunday.

“Yeah. This chick I know couldn’t stop whining about it. It was really annoying.”

“I like it,” she says.

“Good.”

She smiles at me and clutches her books to her chest. I can’t stop thinking about Saturday night and how I’d give anything to be back in her room with her right now. Why the hell didn’t I kiss her? I’m kissing her today, dammit. After school. Or during school if I can get away with it. Or right now.

“I guess we should get to class,” she says, glancing past me.

“Yep,” I agree. We really probably should get to class but she’s not in my next class so I really have no urge to get to class.

She stares at me a little while longer. Long enough for me to mentally map out a plan. I know it’s Monday, but I want to take her out tonight. That way I’ll have to walk her to her door. Then once we get to her front door, I’m going to kiss her crazy for at least half an hour just like I should have done Saturday night.

She kicks off the locker and begins to walk away, but I grab her arm and pull her back. I push her up against the locker and she gasps while I block her in with my arms.

She’s flustered again.

I reach my hand up to her face and slide it under her jaw, then run my thumb across her bottom lip. I can