Losing Hope

feel her chest heave against mine and her breaths come in quicker succession.

“I wish I had kissed you Saturday night,” I whisper, staring down at her mouth. She parts her lips and I continue to run my thumb across them. “I can’t stop imagining what you taste like.” I press my thumb to the center of her lips and I quickly lean in and kiss her. I pull away just as fast, though, because that tease just about kills me. Her eyes are closed and I release her face and walk away.

I’m pretty sure I just became the master of willpower, because walking away from that mouth was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

* * *

“Hey, whisker biscuit,” Daniel says, cutting in line to stand in front of me.

“Whisker biscuit?” I sigh and shake my head. I swear I don’t know where he comes up with this shit.

“Well, you don’t like it when I call you Hopeless. Or cunt nugget. Or piss flap. Or—”

“You could just call me Holder.”

“Everyone else calls you Holder and I hate everyone else, so no. I can’t.” He takes two empty trays and hands me one. He nods in the direction of Sky’s table. “So, I hope your ditching me Saturday night for cheese tits over there was worth it.”

“Her name is Sky,” I correct.

“Well I can’t call her Sky. Everyone else calls her Sky and I hate everyone else, so . . .”

I laugh. “Well then why do you call Valerie by her name?”

He spins around. “Who’s Valerie?” he asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Val? Your ex-girlfriend? Or current girlfriend. Whatever she is.”

Daniel laughs. “No, man. Her name isn’t Valerie, it’s Tessa.”

What the hell?

“I call her Val because it’s short for Valium and I always tell her she needs to take that shit by the bucketful. I wasn’t lying when I said she was fucking crazy.”

“Do you call anyone by their actual name?”

He ponders my question for a second, then looks at me, confused. “Why would I want to do that?”

I give up. “I’m sitting with Sky today,” I tell him. “You want to sit with us?”

Daniel shakes his head. “Nah. Val’s having a good day so I better take advantage of it.” He takes his change from the cafeteria cashier. “See you later, buttshark.”

I’m kind of relieved he’s sitting with Val. I don’t know if I’m ready for Sky to get a dose of Daniel yet. I pay for my food and walk toward their table. When I reach them, it sounds like Sky is giving Breckin a recap of our weekend. Breckin sees me walk up behind her but he just winks and doesn’t let her know I’m listening.

“He showed up at my house on Friday and after quite a few misunderstandings, we finally came to an understanding that we just misunderstood each other. Then we baked, I read him some smut, and he went home. He came back over Saturday night and cooked for me. Then we went to my room and . . .”

I drop my tray down beside hers and take a seat. “Keep going,” I say. “I’d love to hear what we did next.”

She shoots me a quick grin when she sees my tray beside hers, then she rolls her eyes and turns back to Breckin. “Then we broke the record for best first kiss in the history of first kisses without even kissing.”

“Impressive,” Breckin says.

“It was an excruciatingly boring weekend,” I say.

Breckin shoots me a look like he wants to kick my ass for insulting Sky. He just scored major points for that one.

“Holder loves boring,” Sky clarifies. “He means that in a nice way.”

Breckin picks up his fork and looks back and forth between us. “Not much confuses me. But you two are an exception.”

He’s not the only one confused by us. I’m seriously confused by us. I’ve never felt this comfortable with a girl before and we aren’t even dating. We haven’t even kissed. Although I did give her one hell of a nonkiss. Just thinking about it has me anxious. “You busy tonight?”

She wipes her mouth with her napkin. “Maybe,” she says, smiling.

I wink at her, knowing that’s her stubborn way of saying she’s not busy.

“Was it the smut I let her borrow that she read to you?” Breckin asks.

“Smut?” I laugh. “I don’t think it was smut, but I didn’t catch most of the book because my mind was a little sidetracked.”

Sky slaps me on the arm. “You let me read for three hours straight and you weren’t even paying attention?”

I throw my arm over her shoulder and pull her to me, then kiss her on the side of the head. “I already told you I was paying attention,” I whisper in her ear. “Just not to the words coming out of your mouth.” I turn back to Breckin. “I did catch some of it, though. Not a bad book. I didn’t think I’d ever be interested in a romance novel but I’m curious how that dude’s gonna find a way out of that shit.”

Breckin agrees and brings up a part of the plot. We begin talking about the book and I can’t help but notice how quiet Sky is the whole time I’m talking with Breckin. I keep glancing at her but she’s zoned out, just like when she zoned out in her kitchen Saturday night. After a while of her not talking or even taking a bite of her food, I become concerned that something is wrong.

“You okay?” I ask, turning my attention toward her. She doesn’t even blink. I snap my fingers in front of her face. “Sky,” I say a little louder. Her eyes finally jerk up to mine and she snaps out of it. “Where’d you go?” I ask, concerned.

She smiles, but looks embarrassed by the fact that she just zoned out. I reach up and cup her cheek, running my thumb reassuringly back and forth. “You have to quit checking out like that. It freaks me out a little bit.”

She shrugs. “Sorry. I’m easily distracted.” She smiles and pulls my hand away from her face, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Really, I’m fine.”

I look down at her hand that’s now holding mine. I see the familiar half of a silver heart dangling from beneath her sleeve, so I immediately flip her hand over and twist her wrist back and forth.

She’s wearing Les’s bracelet.

Why the hell is she wearing Les’s bracelet?

“Where’d you get that?” I ask her, still looking at the bracelet that sure as hell shouldn’t be on her wrist right now.

She looks down at her hand and shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

She just shrugs?

She shrugs like she doesn’t give a shit that she just completely knocked the breath out of me. How can she be wearing this bracelet? It’s Les’s bracelet. The last time I saw this bracelet it was on Les’s wrist.

“Where’d you get it?” I demand.

She’s looking at me now like she’s terrified of the person in front of her. I realize I’m holding on to her wrist with a tight grip so I release it, just as she pulls away from me.

“You think I got it from a guy?” she asks, confused.

No, I don’t think it’s from a guy. Christ. I don’t think that at all. What I think is that she’s wearing my dead sister’s bracelet and she’s refusing to tell me how she got it. She can’t just shrug and sit here, acting like it’s a coincidence, because that bracelet is handmade and there’s only one other bracelet like it in the whole damn world. So unless she’s Hope, then she’s somehow wearing Les’s bracelet and I want to know why the hell she’s wearing it!

Unless she’s Hope.

The truth hits me head-on and I think I’m about to be sick. No, no, no.

“Holder,” Breckin says, shifting forward. “Ease up, man.”

No, no, no. This can’t be Hope’s bracelet. How could she even still have it after all this time? Her words from Saturday night rush through my head.

“The only thing I have from before Karen adopted me is some jewelry, and I have no idea who