Losing Hope

“The first time you kissed me?” she says. “That moment when your lips touched mine? You stole a piece of my heart that night.”

You stole a piece of mine, too.

“The first time you told me you lived me because you weren’t ready to tell me you loved me yet? Those words stole another piece of my heart.”

But I did love you. I loved you so much.

I open my hand and press it flat against her heart. “The night I found out I was Hope? I told you I wanted to be alone in my room. When I woke up and saw you in my bed I wanted to cry, Holder. I wanted to cry because I needed you there with me so bad. I knew in that moment that I was in love with you. I was in love with the way you loved me. When you wrapped your arms around me and held me, I knew that no matter what happened with my life, you were my home. You stole the biggest piece of my heart that night.”

I didn’t steal it. You gave it to me.

She lowers her mouth to mine and I drop my head back against the mattress and let her kiss me. “Keep them open,” she whispers, pulling away from my lips. I do what she says and somehow open my eyes again, looking directly into hers. “I want you to keep them open . . . because I need you to watch me give you the very last piece of my heart.”

This moment. Right now. It’s almost worth every ounce of pain I’ve ever had to endure.

I tighten my grip on her hands and lean into her, but I don’t kiss her. We get as close as we possibly can and we keep our eyes open until the very last second. Until she completely consumes me and I completely consume her and I have no idea where my love ends and hers begins.

As soon as I begin to tremble and moan beneath her, my head falls against the mattress and she allows me to close my eyes this time. She continues to move on top of me until I’m completely and utterly still.

I give my heart a second to calm down, then I lift my head and look at her. I remove my hands from hers and I slide them through her hair to the back of her head. My lips connect with hers and I kiss her, pushing her off me and onto the floor beneath me. I slide my hand between us and flatten my palm against her stomach, then slowly lower my hand until I find the exact spot that makes my favorite sound escape her mouth. I drink in every single moan and breath that passes her lips. And I let her keep her eyes closed, but I keep mine open and watch her steal the very last piece of my heart.

Chapter Forty-six

Les,

I have so much I want to say, but I don’t even know how to begin.

Everything with Sky couldn’t have turned out better. She’s back home with Karen now where she belongs.

I knew Karen wouldn’t have harmed Sky. I could tell just from the little time I spent with them that Karen loved her as much as I did. It turns out, I was right. Karen took Sky from her father because Karen knew what he was doing to her. Karen was his sister . . . Sky’s aunt. And she had been through every single thing that Sky went through. She took her because she couldn’t just sit back and allow it to continue to happen. Now that Sky knows the whole truth, she’s decided to stay with Karen. Karen risked her entire life for that girl. She risked her entire future and I could never thank her enough.

I said this to Sky and I’ll say it to you. The only thing I wish Karen would have done differently, is I wish she could have taken you, too.

I didn’t know, Les. I had no idea what he was doing to you and I’m so sorry.

I’ll tell you more tomorrow, but tonight I just needed to tell you that I love you.

H

Chapter Forty-seven

Happy Halloween. Sure hope you decide to wear something sexy for once.

I hit send and set the phone on my nightstand, then climb out of bed. I didn’t leave Sky’s house until after four o’clock this morning, then I came home and wrote Les a note before I crawled into bed. It’s been days of little sleep and high emotion.

I walk to the closet and grab a T-shirt, then pull it on over my head. My phone sounds off so I walk to it and pick it up to read her text.

Hi, Holder. It’s Karen. Still haven’t returned Sky’s phone to her, but I’ll relay the message. Or not.

Oh, shit. I laugh and text Karen back.

lol . . . sorry about that. But while I’m texting you, how is she today?

I wait for her response, which doesn’t take long.

She’s okay. She’s been through a lot and I know it’ll take time. But she’s the bravest girl I know, so I have complete faith in her.

I smile and text her back.

Yeah. She kind of reminds me of her mother.

She texts back a heart. I set my phone on the bed and sit down beside it. I pick it back up and scroll through it, finding my father’s number.

Hey, Dad. Miss you. I’m thinking about bringing my girlfriend to visit during Thanksgiving break. I want you to meet her. Tell Pamela I promise to stay off her couch.

I hit send, but I know the text wasn’t enough, so I text him one more time.

And I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.

I set the phone down and look across the room to the notebook still lying on the floor where I threw it. The one that contains the majority of my notes to Les.

I still don’t want to read it, but I feel like I owe it to her. I stand up and walk to it. I bend over and pick it up at the same time I lower myself to the floor. I lean against the wall and pull my knees up, then open the notebook and flip to the back of it.

Chapter Forty-seven-and-a-half

Dear Holder,

If you’re reading this, I’m so, so sorry. Because if you’re reading this, then I know what I did to you.

But I really hope you never find this letter. I’m hoping whoever finds this notebook doesn’t see much use for it and throws it out, because I don’t want to break your heart. But I have so much I need to say to you that I’ll never be able to tell you face to face, so I’m doing it here, instead.

I’m going to start with what happened when we were kids. With Hope.

I know how much you blamed yourself for walking away from her. But you need to realize that you weren’t the only one, Holder. I walked away from her, too. And you were doing what any other child in that situation would do. You were trusting that the adults in her life were doing what was right for her. How could you have anticipated what was going to happen when she walked to that car? You couldn’t have, so just stop thinking you could have done something differently. You couldn’t have and frankly, you shouldn’t have. Hope climbing into that car was the best thing that ever happened to her.

A few weeks after she was taken, her father asked me if I wanted to help him make some flyers. Of course I wanted to help him. I would have done anything that would have helped bring Hope back to us.

When I walked into his house, I could feel something wasn’t right. He walked me to her bedroom. He told