Wrong Side of Town

All of a sudden, he’d become cold and distant, like he couldn’t wait to be rid of me. And as much as I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter how he acted around me—that I was only there for Dylan—it was a complete lie. I did care how Vincent treated me.

The truth was, I was attracted to him. I’d been attracted to him the first night I’d met him. His tattoos, which should’ve been a turn-off for me, barely registered on my radar anymore. I’d noticed them too late. I’d already been drawn in by his eyes, his smile, and by the confidence that radiated off him.

I wasn’t a stupid girl. I wasn’t foolish or naive. I had experienced things that had changed me forever. I knew that there were many things wrong with Vincent. I knew he wasn’t the safe, stable, boring guy I had imagined spending my life with. I knew all this, yet I still found it difficult to shake him from my mind.

The problem was I hadn’t fallen for Vincent straight away, like a silly, ridiculous girl. I hadn’t giggled over him and talked about him to my friends and discussed how sexy he was. No, whatever was happening between Vincent and I had taken weeks; it had taken time to build between us. It was something built on familiarity and routine.

Just from weeks of watching him, I had started to figure him out. I knew he was reckless and that he had a temper, but I also knew that beneath all that was someone who was just as broken as I was.

Somehow, in this large world, gravity had pulled us together in all our brokenness, with all our issues. Maybe it meant nothing at all, but a part of me knew that it meant something, and I was in serious denial if I tried to convince myself that Vincent meant nothing at all to me.

So as I climbed off his bike and removed the helmet, I was determined to break down this cold wall that Vincent had suddenly put up between us.

Nervousness was slowly filling me up, but I just went with it because I wasn’t going to let it get the better of me. “It really meant a lot to Dylan that you didn’t leave this afternoon.”

Vincent was still wearing his helmet, and for a second I wondered if he’d heard me not. The silence stretched between us, and I gripped the helmet in my hands, refusing to hand it over. It was my bargaining chip to stop him from riding off.

Then Vincent took his helmet off and fixed me with a glare that made me feel like he had kicked me in the stomach. “I don’t need you to tell me what my brother thinks. He can speak for himself.”

Despite the harshness of what he’d said, I somehow managed to form words. Mainly because I knew that Vincent was doing this as a defense mechanism. We’d just had an amazing afternoon together. I had done nothing wrong and his anger was unjustified.

“I know he can speak for himself.” I paused, trying to find the right words to say. “I just think it was sweet of you to stick around and dance.” My tone became teasing and I was kind of hoping to see a smile on his face.

Even in the darkness, I could see Vincent’s eyes harden and his mouth tighten. “I don’t care what you think. I don’t care what you say. You mean nothing to me. Nothing.”

His words sent a shock through my entire system, and I gasped at the way each word cut into me. The look in his eyes was enough to make my blood run cold, but it was the fact that he’d said I meant nothing to him that affected me the most.

It was impossible to believe that in just an hour, Vincent had completely transformed from the man who had swept me off my feet into someone who didn’t want me in their life. The way his eyes had fixed onto me in his kitchen, as though I was his only desire in this world, seemed to be a faraway dream. Had I imagined the entire thing? Was I losing my mind?

“Y-you don’t mean that.” I hated how weak my voice sounded, but I had to make sure. There had to be a part of Vincent that cared about me. I didn’t know why it was so important to me that this boy feel something for me, but as stupid as it was, a part of me needed to hear that he did care.

For a moment, I thought I saw something shift in Vincent’s eyes, but maybe I imagined that too, because a second later, his eyes were hard again. “Desperation doesn’t suit you,” he said, his lips twisting cruelly.

A gasp wracked through me, and I dropped the helmet onto the ground and stumbled backwards, my mind a mess of emotions. I hated myself for feeling like this; I didn’t want to be affected by Vincent. I had tried to convince myself that I didn’t care about him, but obviously I’d lied to myself.

But I couldn’t let that show. I couldn’t let him see that he had gotten to me. I had to be as cold as he was.

“The only desperate one is you. Otherwise you wouldn’t let those sluts into your bed.” My voice was flat, clear of all emotion, and I was proud that I could be as uncaring and ruthless as he was.

Before my facade slipped and I broke down, I turned and headed towards my house, misery descending upon me like a cloud.

There were feelings inside me for Vincent—I wasn’t sure exactly what those feelings were—yet he felt nothing for me. The reality of that was like a knife slicing through my chest, and I stumbled blindly up the steps to my front door.

I didn’t look back. I refused to give Vincent the satisfaction of seeing that he’d gotten to me. I refused to give Vincent anything.

He would not break me. He could not break me. I was beyond broken—I was dead.

* * *

I was really surprised when I got a call from Dylan on Thursday afternoon.

“Estella?” he asked, sounding uncertain when I answered the phone.

“Yes? Dylan?” He had never called me before, so I began to worry that something bad had happened. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” he assured me quickly, then paused. “Um, Vincent told me to tell you that he can’t pick you up on Friday, so I’m just supposed to meet you at the library to study there.”

I barely flinched as Dylan’s words sunk in. It was obvious that this was just an excuse for Vincent to put distance between us. A part of me had been prepared for this after our fight on Tuesday night.

“How are you getting to the library?” I asked.

“Three’s coming with me.”

A smile formed on my mouth. As prejudiced as I had originally been against the Madden gang, I had to admit that I did like Three. He didn’t seem to take all this gang nonsense as seriously as some of the other members, and he was actually a very good-natured guy, with this ability to make me laugh easily.

“That’s fine,” I said, “I’ll see you at 4 o’clock.”

Once I hung up, I dialed Hadie’s number. The phone rang for a while before Hadie picked up just as I was considering hanging up.

“Hey, Hadie!” I said in my brightest tone.

Yes, I sounded like a complete and utter nut job. My over-cheerful demeanor had less to do with trying to make Hadie feel better and more to do with me trying to act as though Vincent’s apathy didn’t affect me. Which was weird when you thought about it. I was trying not to care about someone who didn’t care about me, even though I did care.

“Hi, Estee.”

My stupid selfishness faded at the sound of Hadie’s voice. My best friend was no longer the same person anymore and all I could think about was a guy. When had I become so shallow?

“I was wondering if you wanted to have a girls’ night at your house. Just you and me. I’ve missed you.” As much as I loved Mariah, I knew Hadie would have an easier time talking to me without Ray being there.

It’d been nearly a month since Hadie had lost her boyfriend and she had yet to speak about it to anyone. If Eddie was right about Hadie withdrawing, I had to try and get her to open up somehow.

“Yeah, I guess that would be okay.” There was reluctance in her tone, but I knew she didn’t want to let me down. “I don’t know if I’ll be great company though.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be great company enough for the both of us,” I said with a smile that wasn’t forced. “I have a tutoring session tomorrow, but I’ll get Anna to drop me off at your house afterwards.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can take you. Penthill, right?”

“Yes, at the library. Then we could go straight to your house when I’m done.”

“Sounds good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”