picture and climb into it. Just
Anger marked Zack’s expression, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears. He clenched his jaw and shook his head.
“Because I would do
She was almost finished. The next photo showed a ring in a box. “That’s my engagement ring, the way it looked when I gave it back to him. Never loved anyone like I loved him. But this”—she waved her hand at their surroundings and toward the door—“all of this won out over him. I didn’t think that’s what was happening at the time, but it was. What we used to have was never the same after the show.”
One more click and there they were. Her parents’ tombstones.
“Take a look, Zack.” She turned the computer so he could see more clearly. “Take a good hard look. See their names on the grave markers. See the dates.” She breathed in sharp through her nose, ignoring the tears that made their way down her face. “After a loss like that, there is no going back. There just isn’t.”
Zack hung his head, and Chandra watched a series of tears splash onto his faded jeans. He rubbed the back of his neck and then looked at her, angrier than before. “Why are you showing me this? I’m not you.”
“Look there.” She pointed at the name of the file. “Look at what I call this photo album.”
He squinted at the word, following her orders even when he clearly did not want to.
“See what it says? It says, ‘Cost.’ This file . . . these thirty-six pictures . . . represent the
He worked the muscles in his jaw. “Nothing. I haven’t lost anything I can’t get back.”
“That right?” She nodded, her attitude showing again. “Well, let me tell you what’s in that file already, just so you know.” She stood and waved her hands in front of her. “A photo of a sprawling Kentucky horse farm you’ll never go back to. That should be there. And a picture of you and your family, sitting on the front porch like you had forever to watch a sunset. Oh, and your favorite picture of you and your girlfriend. Start there.” She lowered her hands to her sides. “Leave room, Zack. Because the file of what it costs will keep growing. Every year it’ll grow.”
“I need to get back.” Zack stood and reached for the door.
“Not yet!” she yelled. “Turn around and look at me.” He kept his hand on the knob, but he did as she asked. “When you leave here, you take a minute and think about what I said. Think about how you’ve changed. How the wide-eyed guy from Danville, Kentucky, disappears a little more with every performance.” She came a step closer, pointing at him one last time. “Think about it while you sing your drinking song and that love duet with Zoey.” She hesitated, her passion getting the better of her. “You’ve changed. You’re buying in to the fame as fast as anyone on this show. But you mark my words, there will be a cost.”
He hesitated, their eyes locked. “Thank you. I’ll . . . keep that in mind.”
“You do that.” She crossed her arms. “And when you hit the pillow tonight, I want you to think about something else. I took this job for two reasons.” She hesitated, making sure he heard this last part. “So I could find meaning in all this. Meaning, because by winning . . . I lost everything.” She paused. “You wanna know the other reason?”
“What?” His tone was just short of rude.
“So I could warn someone like you.” She came to him and found control once more. Gently, she took his hands in hers. “I promise you something, Zack Dylan. Right here I promise you. I haven’t prayed to God since my parents died. But tonight . . . tonight when you perform in front of America I will be praying for
Zack held her eyes for another few seconds, then disappeared down the hallway. Chandra shut the door, grabbed her computer, and sat down. She found the photograph again, the one of her and her parents and her fiance in the moments before she drove off to audition.
For the next ten minutes she didn’t want to live anywhere else.
ZACK COULDN’T RETURN to the rehearsal room. He wasn’t even sure he could compete after that. He walked blindly to the end of the hall toward the emergency exit. That’s what he needed, right? An emergency exit. So he could stop the madness and think about his life, about what Chandra had told him.
He hated her approach, how she had yelled at him and blamed him. But somewhere deep inside he had the horrible suspicion that she was right. That every single word was the truth. The absolute truth.
Facing the wall, his forehead pressed against the cool brick, he let the singer’s warning play in his mind again. She was right about Twitter. He didn’t have to check. Gaines had warned him enough times that he’d convinced himself his faith could wait. As if he could put God on hold while he finished the show run and then later . . . after he won . . . he would tell the whole world about Jesus.
The plan disgusted him now, made him want to burst through the door and run as far and fast as he could. He thought about her accusation that he loved this new life more than the old. That couldn’t be true, right? But how else could he explain some of the changes he’d made? Changes that were intended to please the producers and the audience without thought for how they might affect Reese or his family back home. One at a time he examined Chandra’s statements and he could only admit what was painfully obvious.
She was right.
The realization shocked him. How had he allowed it to happen? And if a stranger could see it, what about his family? His parents and his brother and sister? Grandpa Dan?
What about Reese?
No wonder she was moving to London. He’d texted her every few days since she broke up with him, but she never texted back. With each ignored attempt, he felt his heart grow colder toward her. Zoey understood. She was here and she was his friend. No more private moments or make-out sessions. They had reached an understanding after that first live show, and now they were more careful.
Not that it mattered. The cameramen caught what they wanted. Nearly every week the show ran some sort of update about the two of them—either how they were fighting or hiding from the others or falling more deeply in love.
But somehow along the way he had called home less often. The drama with Zoey had begun to feel real, while his life in Kentucky faded a little more each day. Chills ran down his arms. So much drama, so much public scrutiny.
He thought about the lyrics of the song he would sing that night. They were about being too drunk to remember last night’s girl and maybe even last night’s fight. Drinking until he couldn’t see the stars and waking up under the sun. It was a song William Gaines had suggested. “People need to see the edgy cowboy,” he’d told Zack when they were picking songs. “You’re a guy’s guy. Like David from the Bible. Time to show a little of that muscle.”
Zack had found himself nodding along with Gaines, agreeing. Who wouldn’t want to be like King David, ready to slay any giant who got in his way on
Then there were his clothes. Tonight he would wear a cutoff T-shirt and tight jeans—an outfit the wardrobe assistants said was inspired by an Abercrombie ad. Both decisions had seemed right at the time. Anyone would want to be a handsome, well-dressed guy’s guy. The most masculine voice on the show. The at-home audience would go crazy for both the song and the look. Those were Gaines’s words. “You’ll be through with more votes than everyone else combined.”
Nausea tightened Zack’s gut. How could he have agreed to any of it? What had happened to praying about his performance and asking for God’s will, whatever it might be? Zack stood straighter and stared at the emergency exit. He couldn’t leave now. News crews and police would spend the evening searching for him. He’d embarrass his family and the show and probably wind up being sued.
No. He had to go on. He’d made his decision long ago.
When he couldn’t wait another minute, he returned to the rehearsal room. The other contestants were
