‘Why not?’ He paused. ‘Do you feel like you’d be betraying Peter?’
Coldness gripped her at the sound of Luke speaking her late husband’s name.
‘That’s…’ Her throat closed and she had to force the words out. ‘It’s…not the same.’ She stood and held out her hand. ‘It’s getting late. Have you finished your drink?’
He frowned, staring up at her for a long moment before slowly handing over his empty bottle.
She knew she was handling it clumsily but for the life of her couldn’t think of a smoother way to signal that the evening was over. She walked past him, into the house. Hopefully, he would go now.
Bottles in hand, she walked to the sink and stopped.
‘Not the same…how?’ Luke’s voice was soft, persuasive.
She turned slowly to see him standing across the room, just inside the door. His expression was tender with sympathy she didn’t deserve.
How? Such a simple little question. But the answer had the power to rip her apart. Could she bear to see disgust in his eyes once he knew?
She was a foolish woman who’d stayed too long in a danger zone.
A sad, tragic creature who’d been too slow to accept her husband didn’t want her or the baby she carried.
Her folly had cost her everything. Her marriage, her husband.
And the biggest price of all, her baby.
Perhaps Luke had been right that evening in her lounge. Perhaps he did need to know the worst about her. As a colleague, as her boss, as a friend. Maybe most of all as the doctor to whom he’d entrusted his daughter’s well-being.
‘My marriage wasn’t like yours, Luke. We had…problems.’ How laughably feeble and mild that sounded.
Solemn blue eyes examined her face calmly. ‘Tell me. Whatever it is. I won’t think less of you.’
Her throat closed on the urge to be sick. She knew better. Her hands tightened on hard smoothness and she looked down, surprised to see she still held the bottles.
‘Peter was taking me to the airport when the explosion happened.’ Her larynx felt raw and tender. ‘I wanted to come home. He d-died because I wanted to come home.’
‘Oh, Terri.’
In two strides, he was there in front of her. She watched numbly as he removed the bottle from one hand then the other. With her hands empty, he gathered her into his arms. His body heat was startling.
‘You can’t think that way,’ he said. ‘You’ll destroy yourself.’
She wound her hands around his waist. With her ear pressed to his chest, she could hear the steady beat of his heart. After a long silence, she said, ‘We were arguing when the car hit a l-landmine.’
‘Poor sweetheart,’ he murmured. ‘And you feel bad because of that.’
She didn’t deserve his understanding. She had to make him see, push out the ugly facts until he turned from her as he should. ‘If he’d been p-paying more attention, he might have seen something to warn him, a flaw in the road surface. Or something.’
‘Hush.’ Luke hugged her tighter. ‘You know it’s pointless to think like that. He probably wouldn’t have seen anything. That’s why mines are such bloody awful weapons. You know that.’
His body curved over hers, holding her as though she was precious, reminding her of the way he’d been so protective with Allie. With his strong nurturing instinct, he was so unlike Peter.
Peter had loved mankind. He hadn’t had time to cater to the needs of a wife. His need to serve had been noble and laudable but so very hard to live with. She’d felt petty and selfish asking for more for herself. For needing more.
Being enveloped in Luke’s caring was glorious.
And it was torture.
She wasn’t entitled to his good opinion. He still didn’t know everything.
She swallowed and gathered the courage to let go the next piece of poison. ‘I was leaving him, Luke. My marriage was over. I c-couldn’t be the person he needed me to be. I failed him. I f-failed…I failed.’ The words to make him understand the rest choked in her throat.
‘No, you didn’t. Marriages don’t always work, sweetheart. It’s sad but it’s life.’
He thought she’d finished but she hadn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him the worst. She’d failed again. She was a coward.
His warm hand cupped her neck, the fingers stroking her sensitive skin gently. She stood passively in his arms, her attention on each delicate movement, storing the sensory memories for the future.
‘What’s so bloody unfair for you is the way you lost Peter and the timing. But it’s not your fault, Terri.’
‘Don’t.’ She squeezed her eyes shut as a hot lump in her throat threatened.
‘Don’t what?’
‘Just don’t.’ She turned her head, pressed her hot face into the cool skin of his neck, feeling the steady bump of his carotid pulse against her forehead.
He shifted and her awareness of the hard body clasping hers changed abruptly. Her pulse sped up.
She should pull back…started to move. His head bent slightly and his breath whispered across her cheek. If she tipped her head a little and reached up, she’d be able to press her mouth to his.
It wouldn’t be right to take more than the comfort he’d given so generously, especially when she had so little to offer in return.
But suddenly she didn’t care. She wanted something for herself. A kiss, his kiss. Whatever he was prepared to give her in this moment. She wanted to feel desirable again, to remind herself how that felt.
She tilted her chin, but still he didn’t move. Another millimetre nearer and still he waited with infinite patience. Each beat of her pulse pushed her a little closer.
And then the perfect, heart-stopping moment when her lips touched his.
Just the gentlest caress, the barest pressure. Exquisite. His mouth moved on hers, rubbing, nibbling, until the nerve endings in the sensitive skin were alive.
A gift to herself. The beauty of it held her enthralled. She whimpered when he pulled back. Not enough. More. She wanted more.
His hand lifted to tidy a strand of her hair. She suppressed a gasp as he tucked it behind her ear. As his fingers touched the rim, she could feel the tremor in them. Her heart squeezed painfully.
His hand dropped back to her shoulder and after a moment he said, ‘I should go.’
‘Should you?’
‘Oh, God. Terri.’ With his forehead resting on hers, he rubbed his hands slowly up and down her arms. ‘This is too important for us to rush. I don’t want you to do anything that you’ll regret.’
‘I won’t. I wouldn’t be.’
He pulled back and looked down at her. His throat moved in audible swallow and then he smiled. ‘Don’t tempt me,’ he said with mock severity. ‘I’m trying to do the right thing here.’
‘I know.’ If she pushed him now, he would give her what she wanted-sweet relief from the thoughts in her head. He was as vulnerable to the chemistry between them as she was. But she couldn’t do it, he deserved more.
‘We need to talk some more before we go any further.’
‘Luke…’ She suppressed a sigh. ‘You can’t solve everything by talking about it.’
He cocked his head, his smile teasing. ‘Is this the same woman who solved my problems with my daughter by getting us talking?’
‘That was different.’
‘In some ways. We do have to talk and we will, but not now.’ He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and stepped away from her. ‘Sleep well, darling.’
‘Yes,’ she said, knowing she wouldn’t. ‘Thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’ He reached out again and stroked his fingers down her cheek as if he couldn’t resist touching one more time. ‘See you tomorrow.’
‘Sure. Tomorrow.’ Terri watched him go, knowing it was for the best. Much as she ached for his embrace, he was right. She should be grateful he’d decided to leave before she did something they’d both be sorry for.
She wondered what he’d have done if she’d begged him to take her to bed. If she’d begged him to help her
