In the After

them, put them in the Ward to recondition them, commission a couple of guards, but I’m not the big boss. The director and Reynolds make the final decisions.”

I hated how everyone rationalized the massacre. Even Kay. I needed to be alone. Away from the propaganda and the blind loyalty. I ran out to the edges of New Hope, wandering restlessly. I stayed out well after sunset, reveling in the darkness, comforted by the quiet. When I got home, I went straight to my room and shut the door. Baby was already in bed so I curled up next to her.

“Amy?” I heard my mother calling from the other room, but I ignored her. “Amy,” she said again from the doorway. “I . . . we have to talk.”

I turned on my side to glare, but when I saw her worried expression, I sat up. She motioned me to come into the living room, where she sat on the couch. I settled in as far away from her as possible. I stared at the floor.

“Amy, look at me. Dr. Reynolds expressed some concerns to me. . . .”

“What? What concerns?” I asked snippily.

“That you don’t respect authority,” she told me unhappily. “That you like to pry into things that don’t concern you. That you may not have New Hope’s best interests in mind.”

My head snapped up. “Dr. Reynolds wants to send me to the Ward?” I asked, horrified.

My mother pressed her lips together and nodded. “But he won’t just yet, as a favor to me. Because my research is so important, he doesn’t want me distressed in any way.”

“So the only reason I’m not in the Ward is because of you?” I let that sink in. “What about Baby?”

“Baby is fine,” she assured me. “She’s fitting in with all the other children, learning to read and write, to communicate. We’re confident her vocal skills will come eventually. I thought it would be best for both of you if we began to sever your connection to her.”

“What? No! That’s crazy.” I wanted to jump up but I had nowhere to run to. Instead I folded my arms across my chest and tried to stay calm. I knew that I couldn’t afford to freak out again. “Is that why you want her in the dorm?” I asked, my voice trembling. “Do you think that’s really necessary?”

“I don’t know, Amy. I just want you to be safe.” She reached for my hand. “Becoming a Guardian will be a good start. You can prove yourself. Until then, you have to try harder.”

“I will, I promise,” I told her, all my fight gone. I held on to her, still in shock about how close I was to losing Baby. “Mom . . . I have to know.”

“I can’t tell you about my research.” She squeezed my hand.

“No, it’s not that. I want to know if you’re really on board with all of this.”

She let go of my hand and gave me a hard look. “I did what had to be done. Before you got here, Amy, New Hope was my whole life. Even Adam was a result of a regulation I helped establish. We have to protect New Hope. It’s the only possible future of humanity. Otherwise, we should just let the Floraes in. It’s not only about us. It’s about the generations that will follow. It’s about our future.”

I looked into her shining eyes with a sad understanding. I knew now that Kay was absolutely right. My mother could never learn about Baby’s incredible hearing. Finding me in a restricted area wasn’t harmful to New Hope, so she hid it. My becoming a Guardian will not only show that I can fit in, but will help protect New Hope. Everything she did, she weighed with the benefit of New Hope in mind. If she thought they could use Baby, study her, dissect her to find out how she ticked, she would do it willingly.

“I love you so much, honey. It’s hard, I know, but we will make it . . . and so will this community.” She hugged me tightly and kissed me on the top of my head.

I closed my eyes and wondered which my mother would choose if it came down to it: me or New Hope?

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I see Dr. Samuels in the hall, but I try not to make eye contact. I want him to think I don’t know who he is, that I’m sufficiently drugged. He comes to me, though, looks me up and down.

“Amy, I want to apologize.” He clears his throat. “I was wrong to recommend your electroshock treatment. There’s a reason it’s only used to treat extremely severe cases of depression. I should have considered your circumstances more carefully. I shouldn’t have let Dr. Reynolds influence my professional opinion.”

The pain, the torment I endured, comes flooding back and it takes everything I have not to lash out at him.

“I’ve begun to think . . . ,” he continues in a whisper, “that Dr. Reynolds may not have your best interest in mind.” I can’t help but flinch when he puts his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me,” I say between clenched teeth. Dr. Samuels stares at me. He sees the hate in my eyes and begins to back away.

“I was only trying to help,” he tells me guiltily.

“If you want to help me, get Rice.” I glance at the cameras in the hallway. “I miss him. I wish he could visit more often,” I say loudly.

“Yes, of course.” Dr. Samuels studies me, and I can tell he sees beyond my drugged act. Still, his remorse seems to outweigh his loyalty to Dr. Reynolds and he says, “I’ll let Rice know you’ve been asking for him. Or perhaps, one of the Guardians?”

My head snaps up. “Kay or Gareth,” I whisper. “Not Marcus,” I breathe, hoping the camera microphones won’t pick up what I just said.

He leaves me, with a curt nod. I continue down the hall, careful to shuffle my feet and keep my head low.

* * *

The Guardian test was on my birthday. I’d thought of nothing else since my mother and I had our talk three weeks ago.

I looked in the mirror. I was seventeen, an adult according to New Hope, but I still felt like a child. Baby had already moved into the dorm and I’d soon have a one-bedroom, picked out in a building near the Rumble Room, where the Guardians lived.

I stretched and put on my running clothes. My mother had left me a note on the kitchen counter: Happy Birthday, Amy, and good luck. You can do it! See you tonight at your party. Love you. I slipped on my shoes and headed out the door, stopping by the dorm. I stood under Baby’s window and whispered her name as low as I could. In just a few seconds, she stuck her head out the window, waving at me excitedly.

Happy Birthday, Amy! she signed. Test today?

Yes. I’ll see you afterward for my party.

Good luck! She turned back to her roommates, her new friends. She had no idea how important the test really was, but it was probably better that way.

I noticed a lot of people on the way to the Rumble Room, way more than could be coincidence. Gareth was there, clutching a clipboard and making ticks across the paper.

“What’s up?” I called to him.

He grinned. “Biggest testing day ever,” he told me.

“How many applicants?” I asked, trying to get a glimpse of the list.

“Two hundred and nineteen. I get to check everyone in and record times for the distance run. Joy,” he said sarcastically.

“How many do you think will make it?” I asked.

“Hell, I’ll settle for ten trainees and one spanking-new Guardian.” He winked at me and I hoped his trust wasn’t misplaced. “Go on. Line up with the fresh meat.”

It wasn’t long before Kay got on a loudspeaker. “Okay, everyone, we’re going to put you into groups now. If you fail a trial, you’re cut. If you stray from the group, you’re cut. If you whine or complain, you’re cut. Group one,”