Beautifully Awake

“And what about a Jack and Jill? We’ll have so much fun.”

“Oh, I see what you’re trying to pull—beach getaway with your new Dr. Boyfriend.” She peeked around the corner of her closet door to gauge my reaction, as if I couldn’t see her.

“I see you, Asspuck.” I laughed. “This is all about you, Mama. Since there’s no way I can surprise your nosey ass, you might as well have it the way you want it.”

“You make a good point, so fine, let’s do it at the Wychmere.”

“Isn’t that the beach club down the street from your parents’ house?” I asked.

“Yep. Hey, do you remember that night we snuck out and went skinny dipping in that pool with the guys from next door?”

“How could I forget? That’s the night you, um, you know.”

“Yeah, I remember, Asshat. My point is that was the pool at the Wychmere. They renovated a couple years back and it is absolutely gorgeous now. We can block rooms for the guests and make a weekend of it. We better shoot for soon. I’ll be a beached whale if we wait much longer.”

“Ha-ha, seems fitting, doesn’t it?” She didn’t find me all that funny. She rolled her eyes and retreated back to her wardrobe. “Let’s do mid-August, the weather will be amazing and you’ll be thirty-four, thirty-five weeks, that’s perfect. Etsy has adorable invitations, come look. You good with pink and green?” I logged into my Pinterest page to pull up the invite.

“On what? Is this another one of those dumbass sites you’re obsessed with?”

“Whatever. Get your ass over here and look at it. If you like it, I’ll order them. You have your list, right?”

“Yeah, my freaking mother keeps adding people, we’re up to like 100. I really would prefer it to be a bit more intimate; you think people won’t make the drive?”

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Sierra’s mother liked everything to be over the top. Sierra would never admit it, but the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.

“Don’t roll your eyes, you just wait until you’re pregnant...”

I felt the color drain from my face. The punch was a direct blow.

“Lili, shit, you know I didn’t mean it like that.” She rushed to my side and gripped my cheeks. “Look at me, please Lil, I’m such an insensitive bitch, please, please forgive me. You know you’re my best friend, I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“I know, Sier.” I stood and walked to her bedroom window. “I just haven’t, I don’t know, thought about it in awhile. You just caught me off guard.” I played with my ponytail and sighed. “You know I haven’t been back to Cape Cod since...”

She darted to my side and flung her arms around my neck, squeezing me tight. She gripped my shoulders and examined my eyes.

“I know, Lil, we don’t have to do the shower there ... we can do it anywhere.”

“No, Sier, we aren’t changing it. The Cape also has so many wonderful memories, and this will just help erase the other ones.” My throat clogged with emotion just as my phone chimed, giving me a much appreciated pause.

Just got out, beautiful.

Still have some work to do-

Finishing up a presentation.

Where are you?

I held my phone toward Sierra and she pierced her lips together and squinted her eyes. Even though my BFF seemed to be happy for me, she wasn’t big on sharing either.

At Sierra’s.

Good. Stay.

Won’t steal you yet.

But you’re mine in an hour.

I’ll pick you up.

Funny how twenty minutes ago I would have loved this text. Now I was a little sad and needed some alone time.

“He wants to pick me up. I can’t go, not tonight.”

“It’s totally my fault, I’m sorry. I should have never brought it up.”

Think I’m gonna just go home.

The phone rang. Shocker. I tapped accept and didn’t even have a chance to utter hello.

“What’s wrong?” he clipped, loud and angry.

“Um, nothing, I’m just tired.” I looked away from Sierra hoping she hadn’t heard. Who was I kidding? Her neighbor probably heard; he was so loud.

“Bullshit. Truth.”

There was no way in hell I was having this conservation now, or ever, for that matter. “Not now, Chase.” He pulled this card on me, now it was my turn. “Really, I’m fine. I just need to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Baby, just so you know, I’m so not okay with this. I don’t know what happened over the last four hours. If you’re not gonna talk about it, fine, but I’ll be at your place in an hour. Pete will pick you up from Sierra’s. Give me the address.”

“Chase-”

“Don’t.” He cut me off mid-sentence. “You don’t give me the address I’ll fucking Google it.”

“Fine. I’ll text it to you.”

“Baby, I want to sleep with you.” His voice softened. “This isn’t about sex. This is about sleeping ... with you ... in our bed, just sleeping, no talking. Just silence, me listening to your soft breaths. That’s truth.” And once again this man had completely disarmed me with words alone. “See you soon, baby.”

Silence filled my ear. I turned and dropped my phone on the bed.

“You’re not going to tell him, huh?” Sierra raised her eyebrows and frowned.

“I don’t know, but I’m definitely not ready tonight.”

“This thing with Dr. Hot-as-Balls is serious, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but nod. My gut told me she wasn’t wrong.

14 Clear skin

“Wow, it’s jammin’ in here.” Jackson entered the OR with his dripping wet arms held high. “Colton, you good with this?”

Chase’s discomfort with music was not lost on many. He was already scrubbed, gowned and gloved and fiddling with his instrument table. His back faced us so I couldn’t read his eyes. His eyes were always the words not spoken.

“Blame Lili.” Sam was prepping the sedated patient’s head. “She’s into rock now.”

“What—I can’t do something nice for my three favorite guys?” I defended my song choice.

“Three favorite guys?” Guy sauntered in, casually holding the mask over his mouth and nose, strings hanging loose at the side. He wasn’t scheduled for this case. “What, doll, I don’t count?”

“Guy, aren’t you one of the girls?” The room chuckled at Jackson.

“Whatever, Jack, that’s not what she said last night.” Guy was totally joking, but my breath caught watching Chase’s back tense in response. Chase definitely wasn’t laughing.

“Oh ha-ha, Guy, aren’t you funny?” Not sure why, but I wanted to quickly diffuse for Chase’s sake.

“Come on. You love me, doll. Admit it.”

“Why. Are. You. Here. Dr. Hunter?” Chase turned around to face the room. With just his eyes visible above the brim of his facemask, I saw he was burning.

“To see you.” Guy’s eyes widened, taking in Chase’s irritation. “A major head trauma is heading in on copter. ER chief needs your help with inducing hypothermia. Said something about using the new equipment.”