Beautifully Awake

... the exhibit?” His eyes sparkled, making him look impossibly adorable.

“You’re impossible!” I nestled my flushed face into his side, tempted to laugh myself.

“And you’re pure sweet.” His voice was serious before his lips touched mine. “Now let’s go, so you can get this over with. Maybe if there is time after, you can show me the rest of your hometown?”

“Sounds great.” And it did. I marveled at his ability to ease my nerves and turn my emotions around. “Not that the grand tour of Wrangel takes that long. You’re looking at most of it.” I gave my best Vanna White impression and waved my hand toward the few blocks that made up the town. “Or maybe we can just go back to the hotel instead, and you can remind me of everything amazing about the planetarium.”

Chase lifted my chin, holding my gaze. “Nothing sounds better ... but first tell me one thing, do the boys being away at a race have something to do with your sudden change in attitude? Truth.”

“Um. Dad’s not so subtle. Hmm?”

“Subtle? Not a fucking bit.”

Dad needed serious work on his poker face. Chase’s jaw tightened and the amusement in his eyes was gone. “Look. Not that I’m complaining. You’ve been on eggshells since you got served those fucking papers, and I don’t care what you say, I know it wasn’t all about this trial. You could handle this in your sleep.” He nodded toward the courthouse doors. “You said it yourself, it’s part of the job you’ve done plenty of times before. Fuck, you watched a patient almost bleed out on my table and you held your shit together like a pro. Then your dad lets the cat out of the bag that your ex is out of town, and all of a sudden, it’s like he took a ten-ton brick off your back.” Chase’s voice deepened. “Something I need to worry about, Blue?”

The color drained from my face. How was I supposed to answer that? I pursed my lips, but no words came out. It was like someone sucked away the air I needed to make sound.

“Are you still in love with him?” His words sounded worse than nails on a chalkboard and I found my stolen air.

“Oh hell no. Absolutely not. Love him?” I spat, literally spat. “Chase, I’m so sorry if I gave you that impression. God no. I ... I don’t think I ever loved him. I don’t know what I felt, but it wasn’t love.” I smoothed my hair, trying to find the right words. “I’m embarrassed that I even stayed with him as long as I did. I was young and didn’t really know ... I didn’t have anything to compare it to ... in love with him? He was the biggest mistake of my life. So to answer your question ... no. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. That’s truth.”

I was still in a state of shock that the possibility even crossed his mind. He grabbed my hands, demanding my attention.

“Look at me, baby.” The tension released from his grip once my eyes lifted, connecting with his. My eyes were his peaceful place. His worry vanished on contact.

“Chase, I...”

“Shh. Say no more.” He cut me off. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to say another word about him. He was a fucking moron to never take care of someone as special as you. And if just knowing you’re not going to run into him makes it easier for you to be here, then I’m happy for you. Shit. I’m fucking thrilled he’s not here. The thought of coming face to face with someone who has seen you naked pisses me off anyway. I don’t care how long ago it was. Call me selfish.” He lifted my hand and brushed kisses along my knuckles.

“Bossy ... possessive ... insanely sexy, maybe, but I would never say selfish. You’re the furthest thing from it, Chase Colton.” I swallowed past a small lump of emotion. “Thank you for everything, for coming with me and making this trip bearable, hell, even enjoyable. This place holds a lot of painful memories for me, but you need to know that seeing my dad today didn’t lift that brick off my back. You did that for me. A part of me has been asleep since I left here, and you’re the one who woke me up that first night we spent together ... so bossy and possessive, yes ... but selfish, definitely not.” My mind swirled with every fear and emotion I had suppressed the past few years. I wanted to say more, say everything, but I couldn’t figure out where to begin.

Chase’s smile reached his eyes when he cupped my cheeks between his hands. “What happened to insanely sexy?” he whispered before he crushed his soft lips to mine.

We kissed for what felt like forever outside the courthouse. I started to get dizzy then I remembered we were in public and separated us by an inch or two and smiled. My heart pounded against my chest, my breath labored.

“Yes, and insanely sexy.” I beamed and looked deep into his eyes, realizing this was real. He was real. And I trusted him with my heart.

16 Taking a STAND

Chase was comfortably seated in the visitor section when I followed closely behind the prosecutor to my seat near the front of the courtroom. The stuffy room was filled with nosey spectators all waiting to spread the latest gossip. It made me sick. My eyes drifted toward the defense table, wanting to place the defendant’s name with a face. The Wayne family name held a prominent place in our small town. They owned plenty of real estate, including the TJ Maxx strip mall in the center of town. Wealthy for northern Pennsylvania, the Wayne family was large and had no problem breeding their fair share of black sheep. The defendant was one of them.

I sucked in a sharp breath; it burned like swallowing acid. It wasn’t Roy Wayne that I recognized. Instead, the tightly cut dark hair and trim goatee was unmistakable. I sat across the table from the defense attorney at one too many family barbeques. My stomach churned and a rush of queasiness filled my gut. Derek Reed, selfish fuck- face’s cousin, was a dirty cutthroat lawyer who constantly plotted his next victory, regardless of who he took down on his way. I wasn’t sure if that made him really good at his job or just a ruthless ass. My head snapped forward as I tried to control my frenzied breath. Squeezing my eyes closed in disbelief, I cursed the coffee I drank this morning. Yet again. But what stung the most was that the pompous ass knew me. The old me. I wanted to search out Chase, but I knew he would read my panic. Instead, I kept my head low, fidgeted with my un-manicured nails and reminded myself why I was here. To confirm and validate my recommendations from a few years ago. That was it. It was all about Tommy Wayne, a defenseless little boy, who needed me to be his voice. No more.

After two other crisis center employees gave brief testimonies, the prosecutor mouthed that I was next. The judge swore me in, and I finally let my eyes wander in Chase’s direction. He parted his lips into the half smile he reserved for me. Arms folded across his chest, he was so beautiful as he sat there to support me.

I bowed my head ever so slightly and focused my attention back to the prosecutor, who diligently and efficiently went through her list of questions. I provided the appropriate yes or no responses and when we found our rhythm, I started to relax. I worked with her in the past and appreciated her seamless professionalism. No surprises, no trip ups, just the facts stated clearly and concisely with no room for interpretation. The cross examination, on the other hand, I dreaded.

Attorney Reed stood, his chair screeching against the hardwood floor, and abruptly walked toward the stand. He stopped at what felt like inches from my face. My body flinched back slightly, trying to escape his confrontation.

“Ms. Porter, good morning.” His snide expression irritated the hell out of me. He even angled his face enough to be hidden from the judge’s view. The only comparison to the uneasiness festering deep in my gut was to drinking spoiled milk. “Please state your full name and job title when employed by the crisis center.”

“Lili Marie Porter. Associate Director of Social Work at the Wrangel Children’s Crisis Center.”

“Are you still currently employed as a social worker?” Derek paced back and forth in front of the judge’s podium.

Yes or no answers, I silently chanted. “No.”

“Why’s that? No, let me rephrase. What is the title and location of your current employment?”

“I am a case manager at Philadelphia Hospital.”

“Did you end your job at the Crisis Center and immediately begin your job at the hospital?”

“No.”