Beautifully Awake

reason my own sister and child are dead. I killed them.”

Chase opened his mouth to keep talking, but I’d heard enough. So I responded the only way I knew Chase would hear me. Even if I jumped up and down screaming it’s not your fault, words were futile. I leaned forward and showed him he was worthy of forgiveness and love. My love. My kiss was tender and long.

When I pulled away breathless, I still saw a hint of doubt behind those grey eyes.

“How can you look at me with those beautiful eyes, Blue, knowing what I’ve done? How can you block all of it and not see him when you look at me?”

“Because, I can.”

Something shifted in his eyes; I got through that tough exterior of muscle. He believed me. He trusted me. Since I had his words to thank for penetrating, I inched forward to seal the deal and kissed the tip of his nose.

I couldn’t deflate my swollen heart if I tried. Everything finally felt right. Felt peaceful. No more secrets, no more doubts. The cold saltwater lapped against our legs. Our bottoms were wet. The tide changed and it was perfect.

Chase’s smile reached his crystal greys. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

Oh here we go again.

I giggled. It felt good to giggle. My Dr. Playful was back. Hopefully for good. “No, why don’t you tell me? I thought I made it clear that I’m over the guessing game. It didn’t work so well for us, remember? I’m a much bigger fan of truth.” I playfully brushed my fingers through his hair.

Chase looked more serious, still relaxed, but intent. “I love you, Lili. That’s truth.”

Oh my god.

Was I really hearing the words I had hoped to hear for weeks now? Deep down I knew he loved me, his actions showed me, but I convinced myself the words wouldn’t make a difference.

They made a difference.

They made a huge freaking difference.

They made it real.

“Truth ... I love you too, Chase. I love all of you, even the parts you can’t seem to love about yourself.”

For once, if life threw in a pause during our moment I would have freaked. The man I loved was sitting on my favorite beach telling me he loved me. There was no way in hell this wasn’t playing out live.

22 Voice

“Sit down, baby.” I perched myself on the shower bench and leaned against the slick cold tile, closing my eyes. The warm spray pounded against my sore limbs. Between my insanely early morning run and standing on spike heels for four hours straight, I wanted to collapse. I took a large cleansing breath as the steam from the shower billowed between us. My eyes fluttered open to find Chase’s heavy-lidded gaze devouring my body. He languidly dragged his tongue along the seam of his lips before clamping down on his bottom lip. My nipples immediately tightened in response, shooting a deep ache straight between my legs. I, too, leisurely lowered my gaze to take in all of him. And there was a lot of it. It was evident exactly what I was doing to him and the lust in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

“You are so freaking sexy,” I gasped.

“You ... you’re beautiful inside and out.” He knelt down in front of me and picked up one of my feet. The pad of his thumb circled over each of my toes before he made his way to the arch of my foot. I moaned in spite of myself. “You fucking kill me when you look at me with those sweet eyes.”

“Mmmm.” I floated in bliss as he treated the other foot with the same tenderness. All those years after the rape I drifted emotionless and colorless, accepting that as my new reality. Somehow this man crushed my wall, made me feel safe again, introduced me to honest intimacy ... and loved me. He loved me.

His gentle assault continued to my calves and then my thighs. It was heavenly.

“God Chase, that feels so good.”

“I going to make you feel even better … turn and kneel on the bench, baby.”

My body tightened for a split second, a split second too long for Chase not to notice.

“Blue, what is it? Talk to me.”

Shit, my insecurities were ruining the moment. Images of my face planted against my hard desk as fuck- face raped me from behind twisted my gut. I quickly stood and turned to face the tile wall, hoping a coy smile could mask my reaction. I refused to let that fucker invade our intimate moment.

“Talk to me, baby,” Chase whispered again, his warm chest now against my back.

“It’s him.”

Chase’s body tightened. “It’s him, what?” he growled, knowing as much as I did our moment was crashing. “That motherfucker took you from behind. Didn’t he? Son of a bitch.”

I jumped when he slammed his fist against the shower wall then buried his face in my neck.

“Chase, please. Don’t let him ruin this, please, this is ours. I want you ... I need this, please.” I couldn’t let that bastard win. He had no power over me. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking livid about what he did to you, but you’re right. No more, Blue.” His voice instantly softened. He slid his hands up across my stomach to cup my breasts, gently tugging on my hard buds. “I want to erase those memories. I want to be your only memory.” His mouth kissed and sucked at that spot between my neck and collarbone. My head fell to the side giving him better access. My temple rested against the cold tile, sending a shiver up my spine. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. His wet tongue swept up my neck until it hovered over my ear. Then he began to hum. My breath caught. I was stunned into silence, listening and savoring every sweet note. I’d never heard him sing. The tension surrounding music in his life was because of his sister. A place he never visited. The part of his life he kept trapped deep beneath his beautiful, yet he was bringing me there. To that hole in his heart. I could tell he sensed my body relaxing again. “Get on your knees for me, only me. I would never ever hurt you, baby, you have to know that. I promise to take it slow, but we are going to do this. We’re going to wash it all away forever.”

I did as I was told without a bit of hesitation. I trusted him. I loved him.

“I love you so much,” he whispered, smiling against my cheek before he peppered me with sweet soft kisses. And then I heard his voice. Low, deep, and masculine.

My eyes welled. He was singing my favorite song. All those times he let me choose the music in the operating room, when he said he couldn’t care less, he listened. Took note.

I reached behind and touched what I wanted. What I needed. I brought him to my entrance, urging him on. I was so wet, so ready. He gently slid inside me, and I gasped at the pure tenderness. His soft breath continued to bathe the nape of my neck. He was intoxicating. Tears of pure joy poured down my cheeks as he pushed deep into me from behind, erasing every sour memory, making sweet love to me.

“I won’t give up on us.” His arrangement was the sweetest I’d ever heard.

His embrace tightened around my chest while he continued to sing. I couldn’t tell where my body ended and his began. The promise in his message was crystal clear. He was done running and willing to fight for me, for us.

“Lili, truth. We are worth it.”

He owned my heart and my soul. My climax built within minutes. His length grew harder as he rocked against me, filling me. I knew he was getting close and I wanted our release to be together. His voice was raspy and sexy as hell as he sung through his roaring orgasm. He shuddered once against me, causing me to join in our earth shattering union.

He slowly pulled out and nestled us onto the bench. “Look at me, Lili.”

My blissfully sated lids opened to his tender gaze.