'What type of noise pollution?'
'The honking of automobile horns? Taxis, trucks,
cars? In the vicinity of the Hamilton Bridge?'
A silence. Then:
'What type of noise is that again?'
'Horns. Taxicab horns, track...'
'You want the Taxi and Limousine Commission,'
the man said. 'That's 3078294.'
He dialed the number.
'This is the Taxi and Limousine Commission,' a recorded voice said. 'If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, press One for further information.'
He pressed One.
'If you are calling to report a complaint, press
If you are calling regarding property left in a press Two. All other inquiries, press Three.' He had a complaint. He pressed One.
'All complaints must be made in writin recorded voice advised him, and then went on to give him an address to which he could write.
'To return to the main menu,' the recorded said, 'press Eight.'
He pressed Eight.
He listened to the options again. 'All other inquiries' suddenly sounded very good. He pressed Three. A recorded voice said, 'if you are calling licensing or owner information, press One. If you have a question about a hearing, summons, or appeal, press Two. If you have an inquiry regarding medallion renewal...'
He thought it over for a moment, figured that he most certainly wanted was a hearing of any and pressed Two. There were yet more options. Did he want to reschedule a hearing? Did want to check his subpoena status? Did he... ?
'If you are calling regarding an appeal,' the recorded voice said, 'press Four.'
He pressed Four.
'Please remain on the line. There will be a moment of silence.'
He felt as if he were standing at the Tomb of the
Unknown Soldier.
He waited.
The brief moment of silence passed.
'Appeals,' a voice said:
'Are you a recording?' he asked.
'No, sir, I am a person.'
'God bless you,' he said, and eagerly told her that he wasn't calling regarding an actual appeal as such, but that he just wanted to talk to a human being who might be able to give him some information about motor vehicles blowing horns in the vicinity of the... 'You want Public Affairs,' she said. 'That's 3074738.'
'Is that still the Taxi and Limousine Commission?' 'Yes, sir, it is.'
'Thank you,' he said, and dialed the number. 'Public Affairs,' a man's actual voice said. He was on a roll.
'Sir,' he said, 'is it against the law for taxicabs to blow their horns?'
'Except in an emergency, yes, sir,' the man said. 'It's part of the Vehicle and Traffic Law.'
'Are taxi drivers told it's against the law?' 'They're supposed to know it, yes, sir.'
'But who informs them? Is the information in a booklet or something?'
'They're supposed to familiarize themselves with the law, yes, sir.'
'How?'
'They're supposed to know it, sir.'
'Well, they don't seem to be too familiar with it.'
'Do you have a complaint about a taxi driver blowing his horn, sir?'
'I have a complaint about ten thousand of them blowing their horns!'
'11,787, sir,' the man corrected. 'But if you have a specific taxi in mind, you can call 307-TAXI with complaint.'
'I don't have a specific taxi in mind.'
'Then you should call DEP-HELP. They'll be to take a nonspecific complaint.'
He hung up, and immediately dialed DEPH realizing an instant too late that this was in 3374357... This is the Department of Environme Protection. If you, are calling about a water or problem, air or noise pollution, asbestos or materials, please...'
He waited through two more announcements which told him that everyone was still busy, and finally he got a customer service agent. He explained that he wanted to make a nonspecific complaint about the honking horns in the vicinity of the Hamilton Bridge between the hours of...'
'The honking of what?'
'Horns. Car horns, taxi horns, truck horns.'
'And you say you wish to make what kind of complaint?'
'Nonspecific. I've just been informed it's against the law, and that you would take my complaint.'
'I don't know if it's against the law or not. If you want a copy of the Noise Pollution Rules, you can send four dollars and seventy-five cents to this address, have you got a pencil?'
'I don't want a copy of the rules. The Taxi and Limousine Commission just told me the honking of horns is against the Vehicle and Traffic Law.'
'Then you want Traffic,' the agent said. 'Let me give you a number.'
She gave him a number and he dialed it. The line was busy for four minutes. Then a voice said, 'Customer Service.'
'Hello,' he said, 'I'm calling to complain about the honking of horns...'
'You want Traffic,' the woman said. 'Isn't this traffic?' 'No, this is Transit.'
'Well, have you got a number for Traffic?' She gave him a number for traffic. He dialed it.
'Hello,' he said, 'I'm calling to complain about the honking of horns in the vi. '
'We only take complaints for traffic lights and streetlights.'
'Well, to whom do I talk about... ?'. 'Let me give you Traffic.' 'I thought this was traffic.' 'No, I'll switch you.' He waited.
'Department of Transportation.'
'I'm calling to complain about the honking of homs in the vicinity of...'
'What you want is the DEP.'
'I want the what?'
'Department of Environmental Protection. Hold on, I'll give you the number.'
'I have the number, thanks.'
He called Environmental Protection again. All agents were busy again. After a wait of some six minutes, he got someone on the phone and told her
about his problem all over again. She listened patiently.
Then she said, 'We don't take auto horns.' 'Are you telling me that the Department Environmental Protection can't do anything noise pollution?'
'I'm not saying there's no one here can do about it,' she said. 'All I'm saying is we don't auto horns.'
'Well, isn't the honking of auto horns noise pollution?'
'Not in this department. Day construction, night construction, all that kind of stuff is what we call noise pollution.'
'But not horn honking?'
'Not horn honking.'
'Even though it's against the law?'
'I don't know if it's against the law or not. You can check that with your local precinct.'
'Thank you,' he said.
