A Beautiful Mess

started to get a little nervous.

I figured I could dance with him for one song and then be done with it. I mean it’s only three minutes right? Well three minutes of pure torture.

He ground into me and it was really rough and uncomfortable. He started moving his hands to my lady area and I tried to get him to stop. I guess he took that as an invitation because he spun me around and pressed me to him and then he tried to kiss me. I tried to push him away but he held onto me tightly.

I managed to step down on his foot with my high heel and pushed him off me. He started fuming and I started to walk away from him saying, “I’m not interested.” As soon as the words left my mouth I turned around to walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist and yanked me back into him.

I was just about to start screaming but somebody got him to release me and then I heard a fist slamming into the asshole’s face. I turned around just in time to see Jason standing over the guy and yelling, “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

I looked around me to see if security was coming but nobody was. The club was so loud that you couldn’t hear it. I looked back to Jason and he looked like he was going to murder the guy.

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t form words.

I couldn’t believe that Jason actually felt something for me. I was just about to say something when Jason turned to me and walked over and wrapped me in his arms. A part of me was nervous about how he was going to act but the second he touched me everything else evaporated.

I felt safe.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and took a few breaths in and out. I could feel his erection pushing into my belly and I started to get butterflies. It turned me on and I was curious. I was about to kiss his neck when he put me at arm’s length and looked into my eyes.

“Are you ok?”

Keeping eye contact I nodded my head and managed to whisper, “Thanks.” My heart was beating so fast and I wasn’t breathing normally.

Jason dropped his hands and started to step away but I grabbed the hand that he used to punch the guy with and lifted it to my lips. I could see he was breathing really fast from the way his chest was heaving up and down.

Without taking my eyes off his, I pressed my lips to his hand. I figured it was now or never and I decided to go with now. I didn’t care about the consequences or any of that. It didn’t matter.

I was just getting ready to move my lips away when I heard him mumble under his breath, “Fuck it,” and then he pushed me up against the wall and his lips were on mine.

Everything else vanished. All I saw was Jason. All I heard was the heavy breathing and teeth clenching and the moaning and groaning. All I felt was Jason’s erection pushing against me and his hands roaming all over me.

He started to go on an exploration of my body. Fingers pushing into my hips, lips sucking my neck, and his tongue flicking my earlobes and sucking them into his mouth.

I wanted to explore him as well so I began to kiss along his jaw and trail kisses up to his ear. I whispered, “Jason,” in his ear and before I knew it he was pushing himself away from me. I thought he was going to drag me out of the club but I looked up into his eyes and he looked scared. Scared shitless.

I knew it was too good to be true, that Jason would ever have feelings for me. He looked into my eyes and said, “I can’t, Ash.”

The second he said my name I wanted to cry but I didn’t care anymore. I took a deep breath and then looked into his eyes. I pulled my hand back and slapped him so hard across his face while screaming, “FUCK YOU JASON.”

As soon as I slapped Jason I wanted to apologize but I was just so pissed off and hurt that he’d pushed me away like that. He treated me like garbage and I didn’t deserve that. Every step I took away from him I wanted to turn around but he didn’t want me and that was very obvious. I didn’t think this mess could get any worse but apparently I was wrong.

Jade told me our freshman year that Jason’s life growing up was pretty hard. Their dad was always putting Jason down and if Jason got a 3.9 in school or made varsity his sophomore year in baseball their dad would belittle him and say, “Well, why couldn’t you get a 4.0?” or “Why couldn’t you have made varsity your freshman year?”

Jade told me because she wanted me to get a sort of understanding why Jason acts the way he does. I understood it but I didn’t condone it. I was also not allowed to ever say anything because Jade said that if Jason ever found out I knew he would probably never talk to her again.

While the background information answered so many of the questions I had about Jason it also brought up so many more and they weren’t for Jason.

All of my questions were for Jade.

I wondered what living with someone like that would do to her. How would it affect her in life?

Love?

Relationships?

Friendships?

I ran out of the club and before I knew it Jade was behind me yelling my name. “Ashlynn!”

I turned around just in time for her to hug me and murmur sweet things in my ear. The second I wrapped my arms around her I just cried. We stood like that for a while, me crying and her trying to sooth me by rubbing her hands up and down my back.

Jade wanted me to go back into the club but I had had too much “excitement” for one night and decided to go back to the hotel. She told me I could sleep in her room but I thought some of us deserved to have some fun while in Vegas. I didn’t even change out of my outfit. I just cuddled under the covers and cried myself to sleep.

I couldn’t believe it!

The second I decided to move on with my life and push my crush on Jason into the deepest part of my soul he calls me, “His girl,” punches some asshole in the face defending me, creams my panties with just his lips on mine, his tongue on my neck licking and sucking and then breaks my heart all over again.

I just can’t believe this huge mess that I have created. I wish that I could have told Jason how I felt our freshman year of college and said, “Screw it.” But nooo! I have to have a secret crush on him and let it consume my life and then have a “fake” boyfriend.

I mean am I that desperate to try and attempt to get him to notice me?

… I guess so.

I was woken up later to someone yelling and others trying to calm the person down. I thought it was just another drunken idiot but then I heard the person say, “Ash,” and I automatically knew it was Jason.

I jumped out of bed and turned on the bedside light. I didn’t want to but I opened the door to our room and saw Gabe and Maddox trying to take Jason to Sarah and Gabe’s room, but the second he heard our door open he turned around and smiled at me.

I wanted to slap that smile right from his beautiful face. He must have been able to read my mind because his smile quickly disappeared and then he was wobbling over to me.

Before I could say anything he was cradling my face in his hands and wiping my face whispering over and over, “I’m so sorry Ash,” in a drunken slur.

I thought I had finished crying but I closed my eyes and more tears escaped.

I felt limp and numb because for the longest time this mess was mine to carry but now Jason knew. I mean I don’t think he knew exactly how deeply I felt about him, but now he knew something was going on.

Gabe and Maddox started to walk over to us but I put my hand up to let them know that everything was going to be ok. At least for tonight.

After they left the hall Jason pulled away and put his hand in mine and we walked back into our room together. I thought he was going to let go of my hand but he walked me into the bathroom and picked me up and sat me down on the counter. He walked out of the room for a minute and then walked back in with my make-up removal wipes.