The Training

“That’s what you wondered?”

“Yes.”

I had to tell him my fears. I had to be honest. He was working so hard to be honest with me. “I feared you wouldn’t want me. That you’d decide training me was too much work. Not worth it.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I messed up so much.”

His hands stopped. “It was our first weekend. I was harder and more demanding than I’d been before. I’d have been more surprised if you hadn’t messed up.”

“Really?” I felt better for some reason.

“I told you that Friday night,” he said.

“Right, and an hour or so later, I messed up again.”

“I need you to be honest with me,” he said, restarting with the rubbing. “Not letting you swallow, how did you feel?”

“Honest?”

His only answer was a raised eyebrow.

“I was so afraid I was going to gag and spit everything out on you,” I said, remembering. “And I felt so bad for not answering and knowing I’d disappointed you. I hate that feeling.” My voice dropped a notch. “But then there’s a certain power in knowing how strongly I affect you. Knowing you wanted to wake me up. Had to wake me up.”

“Yes.”

“But to turn that power back over to you, to give you free rein . . .”

He smiled and waited for my response.

“I love that part,” I finished.

“The actual punishment, though?”

“I didn’t love that part,” I said, then noticed his mouth start to open. “I know it’s punishment. I’m not supposed to.”

“Was it effective?”

“Yes.”

“Then it served its purpose,” he said. Then he added, “Why didn’t you answer?”

“My brain thinks too much,” I said. “I kept thinking about how I should answer, how you wanted me to answer. What would happen if I said the wrong thing?”

“The only wrong thing was what happened.” His thumbs swirled over the bottom of my foot, pressing and rubbing the spot right under my big toe. “It’s not often I’ll give you a choice on the weekends, but when I do, I expect you to make a decision. You could have picked anything—even your hand.”

“If I’d said I wanted to ride you?”

“Did I give you any stipulations?” His eyes were dark. “I simply wanted you to choose.”

An image of us moving together floated to my mind. “And if I’d asked you to make love to me?” The way he’d burst into my room didn’t mesh with the image. I doubted I would have asked him to make love to me, but I still wanted to know what he’d have done.

He lifted my foot to his mouth and kissed the underside. “It would have been a very different ending.”

“You would have done it?”

“Yes,” he said. “If that was your choice.”

“Oh,” I said, disappointed in myself once again.

“Abby,” he said, as if sensing my sadness. “Don’t let one mistake weigh you down. It’s a learning experience.”

“But it was a rare occasion, and I blew it.”

“And you’ll blow it again. I’ll blow it sometimes. We learn. We move on.”

He switched to my other foot, slowly working his way from the top to the bottom.

“Thank you for the poem,” I said. His reciting of “Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her” had been just what I needed to calm my fears early Saturday morning.

“You’re welcome.”

Felicia and Jackson’s new house was beautiful. It had five bedrooms, five full bathrooms, three half baths, and a large rooftop deck. I spent most of my lunch hours and many of my evenings going to furniture stores, antique dealers, and designer fabric makers. Felicia was an astute decorator. She knew what she wanted and, most of the time, got it. Of course, being engaged to one of the country’s most well-known football players helped.

Yet there was a certain sadness overshadowing my time with Felicia. We had been neighbors for years, and it was hard to believe that in less than two weeks, she’d be gone. When I wasn’t with Nathaniel, I’d be all alone.

Unless . . .

No, I wouldn’t even think that. It was much too soon to even think about moving in with Nathaniel. Even if he wanted to.

Right?

What’s the big deal? I asked myself. I mean, you will probably be at his house most of the time after the wedding anyway.

Still . . .

Best not to push it, I decided. Everything was still too new for both of us.

“What has you thinking so intently?” he asked as he opened the passenger’s-side door. “Abby?” he asked again, holding out a hand for me.

“Just thinking,” I said. His hand was warm and firm around mine. “Nothing in particular.”

“Remind me to ask you something about next weekend,” he said as we climbed the steps to the front door.

“Next weekend?” I looked up at him. He didn’t usually tell me his plans for the weekend. “What about it?”

His hand squeezed mine. “Later.”

“There you are,” Jackson said as the door swung open. “Come on in. I was just getting ready to light the grill.” He leaned over and gave me a one-armed hug. “Felicia needs your opinion in the kitchen.”

“No,” I said, returning the hug. “She just wants me to smile and nod in agreement with her opinion.”

He laughed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

We walked into the kitchen, where Felicia was busy setting out salad ingredients. Once the men gathered the steaks and left the kitchen to go outside, she cocked an eyebrow.

“No collar?” she asked.

“I thought you didn’t want the details.” I hadn’t told her about our new arrangement. Still, she knew I had spent the weekend with him and probably guessed the rest. I sat down at one of the new barstools we’d picked out early last week. “I knew these would look good.”

“Yes, they do look good.” She took a head of lettuce and washed it in the sink. “And no, I don’t want the details. I just thought you’d have it on. You did spend the entire weekend with him. And you didn’t take an overnight bag with you.”

Damn girl was too observant for her own good. “You either want the details or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways.” I took a knife. “Need help?” She passed me a cucumber and I started chopping. “Since you asked, yes, I did wear his collar this weekend. But I wear it only on weekends.”

“You can do that?”

“Honestly, Felicia,” I said, dicing the cucumber into smaller pieces.

“Sorry,” she said. “I just worry about you. Especially since the last time—”

“You’re sweet to worry,” I said. “But don’t. This is nothing like the last time.”

“He better be careful,” she said. “It’d look really bad if I had to murder my cousin-in-law.”

The realization that Nathaniel would become Felicia’s cousin-in-law always left me with an ache in my heart. It was as if she would have some kind of connection with him I didn’t.

“At least it’s got diamonds,” she said. “It’ll look good with the dress.”

Her comment caught me off guard. I hadn’t thought about wearing the collar to the wedding. But it would be