I wrung my fingers together as I stepped over the mess and took a seat on the bunk in front of him.
“I’ve actually been wanting to have a conversation with you, one-on-one.”
Eric looked up at me and dropped his gaze to the floor.
“I don’t want me being here to affect the band, and if that is the case, I’m happy to leave.”
He didn’t respond, so I continued to ramble nervously.
“You know, Sarah likes you. Things between her and Derek are complicated.”
“I’m aware of her situation with Derek,” he replied quietly.
“Maybe you could talk to him.”
“I know you are trying to help, but I don’t need it or want it. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
This time I laughed.
“Which part don’t I understand? The jealous ex-boyfriend? Uncontrollable anger and violent tendencies? Or being in love with someone you can’t be with?”
He looked up again, nodding in understanding. There was a long pregnant pause as I pushed around a piece of the radio with my foot.
“She’s perfect for me. She’s funny and beautiful and she doesn’t look at me like I’m some raging asshole.”
“No one thinks you’re an asshole.”
He raised an eyebrow, and I giggled, nodding my head.
“Okay, that isn’t entirely true, but they all love you. You wouldn’t be a part of this band if they didn’t.”
“They won’t if I keep doing shit like this.”
“So stop.”
“It’s not that simple, Cass.”
“Yes, it is. Do you want to lose everything? Your band? Your friends?”
“This band is my entire life.”
“Then you need to act like it.”
The door to the bus opened, and Tucker stepped inside, clearing his throat. I pushed up from the bunk and placed my hand on Eric’s shoulder.
“Thank you,” he said, and I could see in his eyes he was sincere. I smiled and made my way to the front of the bus.
10
THE NEXT FEW weeks flew by as the guys played concert after concert. One show blurred into the next, every city looked the same, and my body was screaming for a break from the constant travel. I wouldn’t change a thing though. After Eric and I talked, the band seemed to be growing closer, and I felt like I fit in with all of them. Sarah and I spent our free time shopping and just hanging out while the guys continued to work out the logistics of bringing a new manager on board. Sarah had confided in me that she and Derek were trying to work things out, and I was happy for her, but worried about how Eric would react when he found out.
“You think she’s pretty?” Sarah doodled in her notebook as I tried to figure out the last line of my poem.
“Who?” I tapped my pen against my paper to the beat of my song. The guys had been practicing the song I wrote for weeks, and tonight they were finally going to play it in front of a crowd.
“This new manager chick. I bet she’s a rock-star groupie.”
“Come on. I’m sure she’s just another Dorris.”
“You’re not the slightest bit worried?”
“Nope.”
“You’re a better woman than I am.” She went back to doodling, and I glanced up at her, chewing on my lip. I hadn’t given the new manager much thought, but now the seed of doubt had been planted. I already knew she wasn’t thrilled about Tucker bringing his girlfriend on the road, but he assured me that he had made it clear I won’t be going anywhere and that I was earning my keep with song lyrics.
“How bad could she be? It’s not like the guys are going to put up with any bullshit. I trust their judgment.” But I knew Tucker had major reservations about hiring her. If things started off rocky, I was going to grit my teeth and deal with it because I had pushed him to do what was best for the band, regardless of her opinion about me being on tour with them.
“You’re probably right. What you and Tucker have doesn’t come around often.”
“Everything okay with you and Derek?” Sarah was being unusually negative.
She stopped drawing and sniffled.
“What’s going on? You know you can talk to me.” It felt good to be a friend to someone. Sarah had been a tremendous help as I adjusted to this new lifestyle.
“He’s been really distant, and I know our on again–off again relationship has been hell on the band. If I have to choose between him and our future, I feel like I have to follow my dreams.”
“I’m so sorry, Sarah.”
“We should get ready. I have to rehearse soon.”
I nodded, and we didn’t speak anymore about her relationship falling apart. I could tell there was more going on than what she was saying, but she wasn’t ready to share it, so I didn’t push. I knew how that felt.
I grabbed my new bag of makeup from under the bathroom sink, and we got to work on getting ourselves concert ready. I was warming up to doing all of the girly rituals that I had avoided for most of my life. It felt good to take care of myself, to try to look my best. Sarah painted herself in heavy black eyeliner and dark lipstick, while I made myself look natural and fresh faced. Our styles were polar opposites, but I couldn’t imagine finding a better friend or confidante in anyone else.
“You want to borrow one of my dresses?” she asked as she shook out her hair. I rolled my eyes and carefully applied clear lip gloss to my mouth.
“Tucker would have a fit. You remember the little black dress incident.” I laughed.
“You looked hot, and from what I remember he couldn’t keep his hands off you.” She cocked an eyebrow at my reflection in the mirror of the tiny bathroom.
“Neither could that pervert at the after-party.” I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it over my shoulder as I inspected my face.
“So now you dress according to how some loser acts? Tucker is a great guy, but it isn’t his decision, and it’s not his job to protect you from the world. You’re a big girl. You can take care of yourself.”
My memories flashed to Jax and my inability to stand up for myself with him. If it hadn’t been for Tucker, I probably wouldn’t have survived that last night with him. But that threat was long gone, and I couldn’t continue to live my life being worried about the rest of the world.
“What did you have in mind?”
“Really?” She practically squealed as she pulled me from the bathroom and we made our way to her bus to find something to wear. I loved dressing up more than I let on. It reminded me of the day Tucker took me to Scarlett’s and bought me that beautiful dress, our first unofficial date. It was the first time in a very long time that I had felt beautiful. I had closed myself off to people, but that night Tucker had convinced me to dance with him and I enjoyed myself more than I had in years.
After a half an hour of rummaging through her mountain of clothing, we decided on a sweet little flowy black skirt and matching black T-shirt that was skintight and revealed a tiny sliver of skin at the waist. Sarah changed into head-to-toe black as well, but she completed her look with ripped black fishnet stockings and army boots.
“What do you think?” she asked, spinning around.
“You look like a rock star.”
“That was the goal.” She laughed.
Sarah took off for practice, and I decided to take a walk and get to see some of North Carolina before we
