Sanctuary

building our wall of safety around us. There’s a lot of planning to do at any rate and we’ll use the remaining daylight hours to figure out the exact steps and assignments. That is after we go see about Carrie. Yet another rescue but I have the feeling that this will be a prevalent aspect for our future; finding other survivors.

Lynn steps out of the Humvee and walks over to Drescoll who is standing by the entrance as the rest of us begin to gather the supplies from the back. The lively feeling I had earlier is now replaced by an overwhelming tiredness. I’m not in an overly energetic mood so I take my time with the supplies and would much prefer to bask in the warmth radiance of the sun. I am about to head inside to gather up Red Team and go look for Carrie when I notice Lynn’s head snap in my direction. I watch them as she turns back to Drescoll saying something and walks hurriedly towards me with Drescoll right behind.

“Jack, I don’t know how to say this but….” Drescoll begins to say.

“Jack, you better hurry inside. Nic’s been bitten,” Lynn interrupts with tears forming in her eyes.

“What!!!? How the fuck…” I start saying and take off at a run for the entrance.

An overwhelming panic grips my insides. My stomach turns to knots and I feel a fist squeezing my heart. One of my kids, Nooooooo! Not my precious Nic. Please No! I scream inside as I bolt through the open doors. Robert and Bri were beside me and are right on my heels. I race through and stop suddenly not knowing where to go.

“Where?” I say in a panic turning to Drescoll who has paced us with Lynn beside him.

“Upstairs,” he replies.

I take off at a run again for the far escalator taking them two at a time. All other thoughts vanish. I desperately need to see my Nic. A wave of nausea grips my insides. I shouldn’t have left, I think reaching the top of the escalator feeling like a complete failure. I should have been here for all of my kids. I race across the linoleum with the sound of boots pounding behind me as Robert, Bri, Lynn, and Drescoll follow. The fear gripping me is mixed with a surreal sense like this can’t be happening.

Nic is lying on a cot with Mom bent over her, her hand on Nic’s head; softly stroking it. I dash to Nic’s side and go to my knees, dropping my carbine to the floor and take her hand. Her hand feels like it is on fire. Her face is flushed and her eyes have the glassy look of a fever as she turns her head towards me. Her beautiful hazel eyes gaze up into mine.

“Hi, Dad,” Nic whispers.

“Hi, hon. How are you feeling?” I say seeing her face blur through the tears forming in my eyes.

“I’m cold,” she responds whispering again as a tremor passes through her small, frail body. Her hand tightens on mine with the tremor.

I look at the bandage at her neck and shoulder. I peel back the white compress and see the bite with the bright redness of infection surrounding it. The skin past the redness has turned a gray color. My “I can and need to fix it” mode comes into play.

“Get me some antibiotics,” I say without turning.

“We’ve been giving her some every hour,” Drescoll responds behind me.

“I said get me some dammit!” I say harshly not wanting to hear anything else right now and wanting to fix my sweet, beautiful girl. The nausea and fear still grip not only my insides but my entire being as I look at the bite mark on my sweet Nic. Spirits, please, don’t take my Nic. Take me if you need someone but please don’t take her. I’ll do anything you ask if you spare her.

“How did this happen?” I ask.

“Night runner got in,” Drescoll responds.

“How did they get in?” I ask.

“Roof access door,” he answers.

“How many?”

“One.”

“One!? Only one! You’re kidding right!?”

I feel a tap at my shoulder and turn to see Lynn hand me some crushed pills. I sprinkle it liberally over her wound and replace the bandage. I take Nic’s hand back. Lynn settles in beside me with Robert at Nic’s head and Bri kneeling beside Mom taking Nic’s other hand. All have tears in their eyes with Bri’s streaming down her cheeks. Mom’s eyes are red from crying. I barely hear the soft murmurings of the others talking to Nic as I gaze into her sweet face once again. I want to do more and feel at a loss as to what. I have always been able to fix things in one capacity or another and feel a tremendous fear and sorrow build at not being able to fix this right away. Panic, fear, and a deep sadness.

“I love you, Nic,” I say with a blurred vision.

“I love you too, Dad. Don’t cry, Dad,” she whispers. “It’ll be okay. I’m glad you’re back.” That’s my Nic, always thinking of others.

“I am too, hon,” I say but am unable to say more as the sadness I feel deep inside keeps me silent. It threatens to rip my heart apart.

Another tremor takes hold of her body; stronger and lasting longer than the last. She arches upward slightly as her body tenses. Her eyes squeeze shut and then it passes. I stroke her cheek lightly feeling the heat radiate. She looks at Bri and then Robert, smiling at both of them with her sweet smile and telling them she loves them, before looking back at me.

“I’m going to miss going to the woods with you, Dad,” she says. “I’m so glad you’re my Dad.”

“Don’t’ talk like that, hon. We’ll have plenty more times together there.”

She just looks at me and smiles. “Dad?”

“Yes, hon,” I answer feeling the hot tears stream down my cheeks.

“Promise you’ll meet me there,” she says in a soft whisper and her body tenses with another tremor. Her hazel eyes look up into mine after her body relaxes and she smiles her soft smile. She gazes with clarity one last time into mine as her hand goes limp in mine and the life leaves her eyes.

Noooooo! I feel for a pulse and, feeling a light, thready one, begin resuscitation efforts. I feel my tears splash against her cheeks as I try to blow life back into her. Please no! Please, anything but this! Please don’t take my Nic from me. Please come back, sweetheart. Don’t leave me.

I hear Mom wailing in the background with Bri, Robert, and Lynn crying but this is lost on me as I try to blow my very life back into my sweet, beautiful girl. I feel a hand on my shoulder after a while but shrug it off violently and, with a deep panic, continue to breathe into Nic.

“Jack,” I hear behind me a while later.

I stop and look down at my girl. I check for a pulse and find none. I reach up and close her eyes. She looks so peaceful lying here. I stroke her cheeks not noticing that coolness has replaced the fire that was so prevalent before. Nic, please come back to me. I look at that sweet face that always had a laugh ready; already missing its sweet sound. The sweet, thoughtful and kind words for anyone that would come from those lips will speak no more. The look of love that would radiate from her beautiful eyes. I would never get to see that look again. The wonderful times we had together, full of peace and warmth and serenity. Thinking we would have an eternity to spend those moments together. I will now never again sit with Nic on our hill, basking in the peace and just enjoying being with each other. This vibrant and full-of-life girl of mine is gone. Gone. The realization of this comes to light and I feel my heart torn apart; ripping to pieces.

“Nooooo!” I scream and collapse to the floor on my knees.

“Jack, I’m so sorry,” Lynn says sobbing, wrapping her arms around me.

I feel her arms around me, or notice but from a distance as I feel completely numb to all that is around me. Numb except for extreme pain and grief. The one thought that echoes above the pain is that I have failed. All that I have done is a failure if it cost the life of one of my kids.

I cry myself out on the floor after a long while and feel a numbness seep into my being. I also feel that void being replaced by anger and frustration. Frustrated at feeling so helpless in being unable to save Nic; angry that my Nic has been taken from me; angry at myself for leaving her behind and not being here for her. The pain turns to anger; a pain and anger so deep it wants to explode. I rise, pick up my M-4, and rock the charging handle back chambering a round. Lynn, who had her arms around me the entire time, rises with me and looks at me with concern. I round on Drescoll, transferring the anger inside me to him for not keeping my daughter safe. I’m not thinking clearly except to think he should have kept my daughter safe. I entrusted that responsibility to him and he