The Twice Lost

“Talking to mermaids. It might become illegal. There’s no applicable law now because there’s no official recognition that mermaids so much as exist, but that will probably change soon. And if it does, it would not be in your interest to set yourself up as an object of suspicion.”

“Are you guys starting a war on them?”

“I’ve told you before. There hasn’t been any decision made yet about how to deal with the mermaids, beyond warning ships away from areas where there are signs of—”

“Is that why you’re so sure Luce won’t come back here?” Dorian’s tone was rising. “Did—I mean—did you start killing . . .”

“No, Dorian. Of course not.” Ellison’s voice was tense and— Dorian thought—utterly false. Like the guy was too ashamed to even do a good job lying.

No wonder Luce looked so hurt and exhausted in that video. Dorian didn’t know when he’d stood up. His legs wavered, and for the first time in months the sky and ground began to seem destabilized, as if they were possessed by the rise and fall of the ocean. “If you—if anyone—hurts her, I’ll—”

“You seem to be going on the assumption that I can control what happens. I can’t. I’ll do what I can for Luce if I get the opportunity, but the situation is probably out of my hands.”

“I don’t care if you can control it! If someone—if the government does anything to hurt her—when she’s the one who wants to stop the mermaids from killing—I’ll . . .”

Ben Ellison didn’t say anything, though his face was tight and sorrowful. He didn’t need to. Dorian could supply the questions himself. You’ll do what, Dorian? Try to kill me? Or maybe you’ll go and fight on the side of the mermaids. Is that it? Even though they murdered your whole family and almost all of them would be delighted to murder you?

Leaf-shadows fluttered on Ellison’s sad brown face. “Why don’t you sit back down, Dorian?”

“No.” Maybe the trouble Luce was in wasn’t really Ellison’s fault, but Dorian couldn’t make himself care. Luce was far away, desperate and alone, and anything he could do would be completely stupid and useless.

“I’m sorry. I can understand that you must feel frustrated at not having any way to help her. I wish you’d realize that I’m almost as helpless as you are, and that the situation is very difficult for me as well.”

“You won’t even tell me the truth!” Dorian snarled. “You pretend we’re friends, and meanwhile you’re working for people who want to kill my girlfriend, and you’re helping them.”

She’s not your girlfriend anymore. Ben Ellison didn’t have to say that out loud either. It was your choice. You broke her heart, you let her go, all of your own free will.

“You have no idea of the position I’m in now, Dorian. There are people involved in this . . . investigation . . . who are almost crazed by what we’ve uncovered. And they have vastly more power than I do. The most I can do is to try to inject some logic into the discussion. Some restraint.”

“Restraint?” Dorian was staring around at the trees, their leaves still fresh and moist and pale green in the golden sunlight. Wild, sweet wind curled around his face, but the lovely day seemed impossibly cumbersome. His every tiny movement was weighted with futility.

“I can remind everyone that these were once human girls. Children. And that’s what I keep doing.” Ellison’s voice was very gentle now. “It’s exhausting, though. And I definitely don’t need the distraction of worrying about you in addition. In any case you can’t improve anything for Luce by staying here. You do know that?”

He knew it. The bright leaves waved like hands trying to brush him away. “Is Luce even alive?”

“As far as I know, yes. She hasn’t been spotted in some days, though.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me about that?”

“I wouldn’t lie about that. I—” Ellison paused as if he was about to say something he shouldn’t. “I promise I’ll let you know. If I hear that Luce has been captured or killed.”

It seemed impossible that they were even having this conversation. Dorian realized his cheeks were wet.

“Now will you agree to go back to Chicago? Dorian? I’m truly acting in your best interest. I don’t want you in the middle of this.”

“I’ll . . .” Dorian sighed. “I’ll think about it. Okay? But I really don’t think I can leave Zoe.”

* * *

Back in the frilly room Lindy had given him Dorian sat cross- legged on the bed. The room still didn’t feel like it was really his, but at least he’d gotten used to it. Captured or killed. He opened his laptop, trying not to cry. If they captured Luce, what would they do to her?

“Mermaid sighting,” Dorian typed. The video had over sixty million views now. Then—like some kind of sick ritual—the seals lounged, and the little girl in the red windbreaker wandered down the beach, turning back to stare at something under the dock. Someone screamed. The camera lurched, the sun flashed. Then a voice cried, “My God! Nick, look!”

And Luce rippled out across the screen, her lambent movements clear in the shallow, shining water. Captured or killed. That hadn’t happened yet, or if it had Ben Ellison didn’t know about it, assuming he was telling the truth. But it could happen any day now, any second.

Even if the mermaids would let Dorian join the war on their side, what was he going to do? Head out into the Pacific in an inner tube? And they would all hate him anyway. Even Luce probably hated him now. Maybe that was contempt in her eyes as she turned to glance back over her shoulder and hesitated, clearly on the verge of saying something.

The screen went black. Replay.

“Dorian?” Zoe’s voice came out high, broken. Somehow she’d come in without him hearing her, and she’d already seen the screen. Dorian looked up at her standing a foot inside his door, pink hair trailing around her devastated face. “Wow, that’s a really amazing video, isn’t it? And that mermaid is just so hot. You’d totally do her, right?” He saw her glance sharply at the tears striping his cheeks and look off.

Dorian closed the laptop. “I think they’re hunting her, Zoe. Ben Ellison said some shit that really sounded like—I don’t know, like the government is after her.”

Zoe shrugged. “Well, yeah. What did you think they were going to do?”

“You can’t expect me not to care about that! Think about how scared she must be. And she’s hurt, and she’s definitely not swimming right.”

“Dorian,” Zoe groaned. “The girl is a killer, all right? I for one am relieved to know that our government is committed to protecting its citizens from, whatever, these little bitch-ass, psychotic Ariels.”

Dorian didn’t think she meant it. Her round hazel-green eyes still looked shocked and staring; she was lashing out from jealousy and pain. But even so . . .”You know if anyone’s ever going to stop the mermaids from killing, it’s going to be Luce!”

“She’s basically Charles Manson with green glitter on his ass.”

“She wants to change things! Zoe, just because I was in love with her before, that doesn’t mean—”

“You’re still in love with her!” Zoe yelled. She was biting her lip, her body tense and twisted, the toe of one paint-spattered combat boot grinding at the carpet. “You’re probably fantasizing about her whenever you’re messing around with me, and you think you’re doing me some big fucking favor.”

Dorian sighed. “I love you, okay? Can you stop now?”

Zoe glowered at him, but her body was starting to droop and her voice seemed tired. “You don’t love me. Not the right way, not the way I love you, not—”

“Ben Ellison’s trying to get me to go back to Chicago, and I said no because of you! You think I want to stay here?”

“I guess you don’t have any real reason to stay anymore.” Zoe’s black-clad arms moved up, almost as if she was stretching, but then they stopped in front of her face. Her pale hands gripped at her messy pink-blond hair. “It sucked so bad when I wanted you and you kept ignoring me. But having you hurts even worse.”

“Zoe, we’re together now—”

“You think you’re helping me by staying here, but you’re not. You’re just fucking me up. Just because you won’t admit stuff doesn’t mean I don’t know.” She lowered her arms. “Get lost. Go to Chicago. But tell me the truth first.” Her face was pink and swollen, but she wasn’t crying. Dorian was. His back