The Misfortune Cookie

The Yees didn’t know. But, of course, I knew someone who could tell me. When I called John’s “Uncle Lucky,” he instructed me to head for Doyers Street.

“John’s probably there right now. Look for a big red lion,” said Lucky. “You can’t miss it. Huge ears with gold tassels. And John’s red sneakers. Nelli and I will meet you there!”

18 Lion Dance

“I’m going to Doyers Street,” I said to Max. I tried not to think about the fact that the street was also known as the Bloody Angle. “Ted, you try calling Bill and John. See if you can warn them!”

I dashed out of the shop and started running down the street, shoving my way through the holiday crowd. As I pictured Susan pointing a gun at John, I realized this was the sort of mundane problem that the police could handle better than anyone else. So I slowed down to a trot as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Lopez.

“Esther?” he said when he answered. “Is that you?”

“Yes. This is an emer—”

“A smash and grab?” he said. “Are you insane?”

“What?”

“After I left last night,” he said. “You smashed in the window of my car—a police car, I might add—and stole my fortune cookie?”

“Oh! Right. That.”

“Yes, that,” he snapped.

“How did you find out?”

“They didn’t make me a detective for my pretty face, Esther,” he said tersely. “There were witnesses. I found them. Easily.”

“Oh.”

“That’s it?” he said incredulously. “‘Oh?’”

“Look, I can explain, but not right now.”

“I should have stayed away altogether. I don’t know what I was thinking, coming back for more,” he said. “Okay, I do know. Sex. Well, partly, anyhow. But this is the limit, Esther. Seriously. This is warped, even for you.”

“Even for me? What does that . . . No, never mind.” I was still barreling through the crowd and shoving my way past people. “We can’t talk about that right now.”

“I don’t think we should talk anymore at all. I must have been out of my mind to think we could—”

“This is an emergency!” I shouted at him. “Susan Yee has got a gun, and she’s planning to shoot John Chen!”

“What?”

“On Doyers Street! Right now. John’s in a red lion costume! Susan Yee has got a gun and is hunting for him! Send help!”

He could tell I was serious. “Doyers Street. Got it. I’m calling it in right now.”

He ended the call. I shoved my phone into my pocket and ran as fast as I could, heading for the Bloody Angle, not bothering to apologize as I pushed people out of my way.

To my relief, as soon as I turned into the little street, I saw an enormous, beautiful, magical-looking, bright red creature in front of the little restaurant where I and the ABC cast had eaten lunch not long ago. The lion was performing a graceful, athletic dance for the crowd gathered here. Everyone was smiling, and many people were bobbing up and down a little in time to the percussion music that accompanied the dance . . .

But one pretty, petite woman in the crowd with a chic haircut was making her way toward the lion, her face grim with purpose, her eyes burning with deadly intent.

“John! She’s got a gun! John! Susan’s got a gun!”

I was running straight at them, shouting as loudly as I could. But the music was drowning me out and the dense crowd slowed me down.

On the other side of the sharp curve that defined Doyers, I could hear police sirens.

Oh, thank God!

They were coming up from the Bowery—and they evidently drove through the traffic barrier that had been established for today, heading straight for us.

The intrusion of police cars and wailing sirens on this scene startled everyone. People were turning around to look at the flashing lights and at the cops pouring out of the cars. The musicians stopped playing, wondering what was going on.

“John!” I screamed, and I could tell by the way the lion flinched that he heard me this time. My heart pounding, I burst through the crowd and screamed, “Susan’s got a gun!”

“Esther! Get back!”

I recognized Lopez’s voice and realized he must be in one of the police cars that was disgorging cops as I dived toward the red lion, practically bodysurfing over the crowd.

“Nooooo!” It was a woman’s scream, shrill and enraged—Susan, I realized.

The red lion froze for a moment, then start undulating, as if struggling to shapeshift; apparently John and Bill were trying to get out of their costume.

I realized in the next instant that Susan was pointing her gun at me now. At point-blank range.

“Kid!” That was Lucky’s voice, somewhere off to my right.

Nelli was barking.

“Esther!” Lopez shouted. “Get down!”

“Noooo!” Susan’s eyes—insane, wild, wrathful.

I stared at the barrel of the gun.

You really should have planned this better, Esther.

I was about to be shot instead of John. Not really my intention in coming here.

“Esther!” Lopez shouted. “Esther!”

An enormous jet of flame shot from the mouth of the red lion toward Susan. It was like a horizontal waterfall of fire, pouring straight at her.

She screamed in startled fear, staggered backward, and dropped the gun. Although not in danger from the flame, which was nowhere near me, I staggered sideways to get further away from it.

As soon as Susan leaped out of the path of the fire, a man with curly blond hair and a big beard launched himself at her, taking her down in a flying tackle while bellowing loudly. Then Nelli was right behind him, barking ferociously.

Sobbing and shrieking, Susan struggled and tried to reach for the gun she had dropped, which lay nearby.

The bearded blond man kicked it away. “Don’t even think about it, sister!”

Nelli was still barking.

“Lucky?” I said to the blond man.

“You all right, kid?” he called.

“Esther!” Lopez was there, his hands on my shoulders. “Are you all right? Are you okay?”

“Oh. Um . . .” Safe now, I felt slightly dazed. “I’m fine.”

He shook me. “What were you thinking? Never step in front of a gun! Never!” Then he hugged me fiercely.

Uniformed cops were pulling Lucky off of Susan Yee. Not exactly the most balanced of women, she struggled