Must Love Fangs

He nodded. “Turned you down, didn’t he?”

I gaped. “How did you know that?”

“I did a spin of guard duty for Bert last summer. He likes ’em . . . ” He gestured, indicating a rather large butt, and then began to jiggle his hands.

“Yes, I know,” I hissed, slapping his hands down. “Badonkadonk.”

“I was going to say ‘big booty hos’, but that works,” he said with a laugh. “Anyhow, that’s why he’s single. He’s selective, and the dating pool is kind of lean when it comes to that sort of thing. No pun intended.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, well, number two turned me down, too. He didn’t even show up to our date.”

He nodded. “I’m not surprised.”

“Why are you not surprised? I am.”

“Vampires tend to be skittish.”

I eyed the Russell Security T-shirt that he wore. “I noticed. So they’re paranoid?”

“To the extreme,” he agreed, sipping his coffee again with a grimace. “Vampires are a dog-eat-dog society. You look at someone’s blood partner the wrong way, and you could find yourself with a contract on your head. You go into someone’s territory and set up shop, there’s a contract on your head. It’s like the mafia with fangs. The smart ones lay low or leave town fast.”

That sounded awful. There was so much that I didn’t know about vampires, and I was quickly realizing that Josh could help fill in some of the fuzzy edges. “So what’s a blood partner?”

“A vampire’s mate is called a blood partner. Blood partners only drink from each other. And since vampire women are rare, you’ll find a lot more single male vampires, since every female that isn’t partnered pretty much has her choice of men.”

Interesting. That sounded like it could work in my favor. If vampire females were highly prized, my willingness to become a vampire female would probably be looked upon positively. “So why aren’t there many vampire females?”

“Same thing as female shifters, I imagine,” he said. “You’re marrying into a family that’s not exactly the most fun to get along with. And I hear it’s quite painful for the victim if the turning doesn’t take—or it kills them.”

That wasn’t a deterrent for me. I was dying anyhow, so I’d take my chances. I rubbed my eyes, feeling suddenly a bit tired. The more I found out about vampires, the less I wanted to become one, but I was low on choices. Very low. “So vampires are skittish and think everyone is out to get them. Is that why my date didn’t show up?”

“That’s my guess. Either that, or he didn’t like the way you looked and had second thoughts.”

I scowled. “I look perfectly acceptable.”

“You’re beautiful,” he agreed.

I was momentarily flabbergasted. “I . . . thank you.”

“To me,” he amended. “Vampires like different things.”

Oh, I remembered. Badonkadonk. Still, I felt warm under Josh’s flattery and didn’t even mind the reminder. “So what is it about me you’d change?”

He studied me for a long moment, the intense scrutiny making my cheeks flush. His gaze swept over my face, then my chest, then back over my face again. A smile curved his sexy mouth. “I wouldn’t change anything.”

My cheeks felt as if they’d been on fire.

“But we’re not talking about me. You’re talking about hooking a vampire . . . unless you changed your mind and decided you want me instead?”

Figured that he’d bring the conversation back around to how sexy he was. I kicked him under the table. “I didn’t change my mind. Tell me about what I need to do to get a vampire.”

“You girls and your weird vampire fetishes,” he said with a shake of his head. “You know dating a vampire’s not like it is on TV, right?”

“I’m not stupid.”

“No, you’re not, but I am questioning your taste in men.” At my glare, he raised a placating hand. “Fine, then. Let’s start with the basics. You went through the agency?”

I said nothing, suddenly nervous. Josh was the brother-in-law of my boss. If she knew that I was using the database for my own personal needs, I’d be fired in a red-hot minute. That was a big no-no, especially since I was only a marginal member of the Alliance.

Of course, Bathsheba had dated through the agency herself, once upon a time. Anytime it came up, however, she was quick to explain that it hadn’t been her choice—she’d been blackmailed into it to hide the fact that Sara was a werewolf. She didn’t want Ryder and me dating through the agency because the fact that a human had used the service had stirred up a real hornet’s nest among the shifter clans. Some wanted to date humans, but more of them didn’t want us contaminating the works. I could understand it, even if it was cross with all of my own plans.

Josh sighed at my reluctance. “I’m not going to rat on you, Marie. If I was, would we be here?”

I had no idea. But I supposed I had to trust someone—I was getting nowhere fast on my own, and I didn’t have a ton of vampires in the database to experiment with. “I’m in the database. As Minnie Michigo. Were- otter.”

The nod of approval came slowly. “Michigo was a good choice. Lots of them in the area.”

Strange, how flustered I felt when I had his approval. “That’s why I picked them. Plus, they’re not a bigger predator that could be intimidating.”

He nodded again, his expression thoughtful. “Your no-show could have run a background check and found out that Minnie didn’t exist.” He pulled out his phone and began to flip through screens.

“What are you doing?” I asked warily.

“Looking up Minnie’s profile.” Then he frowned, looking back up at me. “No picture?”

“I send it if they ask for it,” I said defensively. “Why should looks matter?”

“Because you’re dealing with men,” he said bluntly. “Did you send a picture to this last guy? Send it to me.”

I sent the photo to Josh’s profile.

His eyes widened. “What the hell is this?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling defensive. “Just a picture I pulled off the internet. I thought it might convey fun and lightheartedness.” You know, all those things I wasn’t good at myself. “It’s kind of a silly pose, but I thought it might look natural.”

Josh continued to stare at the picture, and then back at me. “That’s not you, right?”

I snorted. “No, that’s not me. She’s putting her fist in her mouth, and I can’t do that.”

“Marie,” he said slowly. “That’s not her fist. That’s not even her body part.”

I snatched the phone away from him and studied it for a minute . . . good God. “I . . . oh.” A hot flush crept over my face, and I quickly handed the phone back to him. “I thought it was just a silly picture,” I said defensively.

He threw back his head and laughed. “Well, I think I’m beginning to see why date number three was afraid to meet you.”

“Shut up.”

Josh only grinned at me. He glanced back down at the picture, shook his head, then clicked his phone off and tossed it on the table. He slouched in the booth, his gaze moving over me.

I internally squirmed. “What?”

“I see three main problems.”

“Well, what are they?”

“You sure you want to know?”

Now he was just torturing me. “Of course I want to know,” I said, feeling exasperated. “Would I be sitting here in the middle of the night with you if I didn’t?”

He winced and clutched a hand to his chest, as if shot through the heart. Those long-lashed eyes closed dramatically. “Marie, that hurts me. Deeply.” His tone was playful, but I got the impression that I had actually hurt his feelings.