get that a lot,” I told him quickly and sat down.
He frowned at me, then picked up his drink, sipping it through a straw, and I noticed the distinct lack of fangs in his mouth. I studied him for a moment, then had to ask. “Are you sure you’re a vampire?”
He stared at me, appalled. “Are you asking to see my fangs?”
“Maybe?”
“Am I asking to see your tail?”
Point taken. I gave him a tight smile and stuck my hand out. “Let’s start this over again. Hi, I’m Minnie, your date for tonight.”
He took my hand and clasped my fingers, the most limp handshake I’d ever received. Worse, his hands were clammy.
But I didn’t care if he was unattractive; after all, I didn’t want to sleep with him. I just wanted him to turn me.
He had a strangely appealing scent, I noticed. Pleasant and warm, like sunshine or fresh cookies. I liked that about him. Unfortunately it was the only thing I liked about him, given that he continued to stare at me.
“And your name is,” I prompted.
“Bert. It was on my profile,” he said peevishly.
“Hi, Bert,” I said between gritted teeth. “So nice to meet you.”
He eyed me up and down, then went back to drinking his water.
“So . . . ” I said and smiled again, though it felt tight. “How long have you been a vampire?”
“Long enough,” he said, looking at me with irritation. “Look, unless you want me to feed on you, I don’t know that this is going to work out.”
I sputtered. I just got here and he was dumping me? “Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry to say that you’re not my type, Minnie. You looked more attractive in your picture.”
I stared at him in surprise. This lump was dumping
“So,” he said, swirling his straw in his glass and making the ice clink against the sides rapidly, “we can skip the small talk. If you’re looking for a one-night stand with a vampire, I’m your man. Right now I’m so thirsty, I’ll drink just about anything that walks through that door.” As if to prove his point, his fangs distended. I watched in horror as they pushed past his parted lips, then retracted again.
Oh,
“But if you’re looking for something long term, I don’t think we’re compatible.”
“I just sat down,” I protested. “How do you know we’re not compatible?”
And why on earth was I arguing with this revolting creature about my attractiveness?
“I’m a visual connoisseur, Minnie,” he said in an utterly serious voice. “And you have a few things working against you. Those eyebrows. Those glasses. And I like women with more assets. You need a bit more donk in your badonkadonk.”
“You think I don’t have enough junk in my
Bert shrugged. “A man can’t help what he likes. Some men like breasts, legs, or necks. I’m more of a bottom aficionado.”
More like a bottom
I tried one last time. “Before I go, can I ask you how you feel about turning your partner?”
He snorted. “As if. I wouldn’t turn you if you paid me.”
“Well, I think I’m done here. Good-bye, Bert.”
• • •
I arrived at the agency a short time later, plunked one Red Bull down on Ryder’s desk, and stomped back to my desk.
“Date went well?” Ryder said in a faux cheerful voice.
“He told me I wasn’t his type,” I said between gritted teeth. “Too much glasses and eyebrows. Not enough badonkadonk.”
“
I snorted. “An ass man who’s an asshole.”
“Har har, very funny. So are you done with this now?” she asked hopefully.
“No,” I said firmly. “Just because the first one was a pig doesn’t mean they all are.”
“Marie, sweetie, if they could catch a woman on their own, they wouldn’t need the agency, would they? All you’re going to find are pigs.”
But I refused to give up. I pulled open the database and immediately began to search for the next victim.
I would find someone to turn me. I
Chapter Four
All the same, I plucked my eyebrows. Even I could take a hint.
When I came in the next evening, Sara gave me a wave from her desk, where she was perched on the massive thigh of her mate, Ramsey Bjorn, the biggest, scariest man I’d ever seen. It was odd to see them together, but she didn’t seem frightened of him in the slightest. The were-bear held a game controller in his massive hands, and as I walked past, Sara snatched it away. “Let me do it. You’re all thumbs.”
He growled.
She growled back, the rumble low in her throat.
I set my purse on my desk and sat down, avoiding them. Shifters were weird, and I supposed it was a good thing that they were off-limits. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to growl and snarl, and I had an aversion to fleas. Still, the way Ramsey watched her—hungry, possessive, adoring—made me feel a little wistful. Here I was stuck with Bert the vampire who thought I didn’t have enough donk in my badonk.
“Oh good, you’re here,” Ryder said cheerfully, approaching my desk and dumping a stack of folders on it. “Nice brows.”
“Shut up,” I said, mimicking her cheerful voice.
Sara glanced over at me. “I almost forgot to tell you—Bath has a new project she wants us to work on.”
I stifled a groan. When did Bath not have a project? I didn’t have time for this; I was busy trying to find myself a vampire. “Oh goody,” I said. “What kind of project?”
“You and I,” Ryder said, adding another stack of folders to my already towering stack, “are going to call everyone who hasn’t used the service in over a year, and ask them to come back because of the
I picked up a folder and glanced at it. Not a vampire. Not interested. “So we’re lying to them?”
Across the room, Ramsey snorted.
“Not really a lie,” Sara said, shutting down her computer and tossing the control into the inbox on her desk. “More like fudging the truth to drum up business.”
“I thought business was fine.”
“But why settle for this when we can have even
I kind of liked it when things were quiet. “So we’re just supposed to magically find all these female shapeshifters that need a date and somehow convince them that they need to use our service?”
“Something like that.”
The doorbell clanged and in sauntered my nemesis, Joshua Russell. I tossed the folder back down on the stack. “Problem solved,” I said dryly. “We’ll just have everyone date Josh.”
Ryder giggled.
