Angel Fever

“I was never this popular in high school,” I muttered to Nina.

She shrugged. “I know, but I guess you’ve become kind of a hero here – you and Alex both. Besides—” She broke off, studying me.

“Besides what?” I said uncomfortably.

“Well…you are one, aren’t you? I mean, it’s you who we’re all counting on.”

I had no idea what to say to that. Just then I heard Alex and the others approaching. Nina glanced back and cleared her throat. “Listen, um – if you two want some privacy tonight, no one sleeps in the gym this time of year.”

My lips had gone desert-dry. “Yeah, privacy is probably good.”

She hesitated. “And…well, here.” She opened the closet again and pointed. “See that big cardboard box? Our own personal Planned Parenthood.” She gave me an impish look. “It’s amazing what you can find when you scavenge a whole town.”

I was saved from answering; Alex and the others were walking up. “And we’ve got guards posted, right?” Alex was saying.

Jonah nodded. “All over town. They can alert us in minutes if the attack comes.”

“Okay, sleep with your gun next to you. All of you. Spread the word.”

As Jonah and Rachel continued down the corridor, Nina fell into step beside them; I saw Jonah link his fingers through hers. “Goodnight,” Nina called over her shoulder.

“Hey, you,” Alex said softly once we were alone.

He looked just like I’d remembered every second of this past year – every plane and angle of his face was exactly as I’d recalled. I swallowed, trying not to shake.

“Hey,” I whispered back.

Alex stroked my upper arms; even through my parka, I could feel the warmth of his fingers. “Willow, I—” he started, and then looked up as more people passed.

“Alex Kylar,” I heard one whisper. Breathless hellos, eyes shining.

Once they’d passed, Alex gave me a wry look. “It’s not going to be like this all night, is it? I just want to be alone with you for a few hours.”

I could feel my angel stirring, but I ignored her – because right then being alone with Alex was all that I wanted too. “Nina says the gym’s private,” I offered.

That slow grin I’d dreamed of so many times spread across Alex’s face. “Yeah?” He kissed me lightly, then grabbed up the sleeping bags and pillows. “Let’s go.”

The gym’s shadows melted away as we entered with a lantern: a broad, cold space with a small stage at one end. Alex jumped on the stage with a light leap. “Look – we can close the curtains. It’ll be warmer that way too.”

I went and joined him. He was on his knees, opening up the sleeping bags – and as I kneeled to help him, our eyes met. I paused mid-motion; we both went still. Finally Alex reached out and ran a gentle hand over my hair.

“I still can’t believe it, you know,” he said in a low voice. His thumb caressed my cheekbone. “Christ, I’ve missed a whole year of your life.”

A raw yearning for him rocked through me. I longed to reach for him – but all at once the shadows, the stage, came together in a surreal dream. If I moved, I’d wake up…and I couldn’t bear even the thought of that.

He murmured my name and kissed me. When he’d first come back, his kisses had been quick, frantic – this one was so long and deep that I felt myself dissolve into nothing. Alex. His smell – his taste. With a sudden moan, I pressed close, wrapping my arms around him, kissing him back for all I was worth.

“I love you,” I gasped. “Alex, I missed you so much – every day—”

“I love you too – I thought about you every second—”

Somehow our jackets came off; they fell to the stage with a rustle. I ran my hands under his T-shirt, needing to feel him; still kissing me, Alex pulled away slightly to yank the shirt over his head.

He reached for me again. “Wait,” I whispered. I sank back onto my heels and drank him in: the way the lantern’s glow played on the muscles of his chest; the look in his eyes as he gazed back at me.

I slowly reached out and glided my fingers over his smooth torso. I shivered at the familiar warmth. I hadn’t forgotten, not any of it. I traced the letters of his AK tattoo, then leaned over to press my lips against them. I felt drunk on him; I could never get enough.

“Oh god, Willow,” he whispered roughly. I felt his lips on my head, my cheek, his hand under my shirt, caressing over my ribcage, going upwards—

I pulled away, breathing hard. “Stop,” I said.

He paused, his eyes surprised. “Stop?”

I could feel my angel stirring again – that weird sensation of looseness that came when we weren’t in accord. She wasn’t happy about something, but right then I wasn’t too interested in finding out what.

“Yes – stop.” I picked up Alex’s T-shirt; as I handed it to him, I kissed him lingeringly. “Put that back on,” I whispered. “There’s a cardboard box out in the closet that you need to go check out.”

When I woke a few hours later, I was curled in Alex’s arms; his breathing was slow and steady. For a few heartbeats, my drowsy brain thought we were back at the base. Do we have a simulation today? I thought, nestling closer to him. Hope we haven’t overslept.

Then I remembered.

I froze, my eyes abruptly wide open. We’d closed the stage curtains and were in total darkness; I had no idea what time it was. I sat up, hugging a blanket tight around myself – so aware of the warm sleeping form next to me. And even though I knew now that this was real…I still had to check.

I brought out my angel, and the stage exploded into ethereal light. Alex lay with one arm up on his pillow. The three weeks of stubble on his jaw was only a shadow; the light from my angel picked out every hair.

Three weeks, I thought, staring at him. Twenty-one days – that was all this had been in Alex’s life.

The emotion that had been tugging at me since he returned came again, stronger than ever. I could feel my angel’s disquiet. I touched my forehead as it started to pound – and that’s when the thought I’d been trying to avoid hit me with sickening clarity.

There had been no reason for me to go through this last year. None. If Alex had just told me the truth…if I’d known there was a chance that he was still alive in the angels’ world…

It wouldn’t have made any difference; you still wouldn’t have known for sure, I told myself dazedly.

It would have made the difference between hope and despair, and I knew it.

I felt dizzy suddenly – all I wanted was to slam this away again as hard as I could. Beside me, Alex stirred. He reached out and rubbed my arm. “Hey,” he murmured. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” I got out. “Couldn’t sleep.”

He tugged at me. “Come back, you’re too far away.”

I felt like a clenched fist. I lay down beside him again; he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder. I sensed him doing a scan and realizing: “Your angel’s out.”

“Yes, um…” I closed my eyes hard, willing this to go away. “I just wanted to see you. Make sure you’re real.”

Alex lifted his energy above his crown chakra and took in my angel. “She’s more beautiful than ever, you know,” he said. “So are you.” He touched my hair, fingering a blonde strand.

“I like this,” he said. “You were gorgeous as a redhead and a brunette too, but – this is who you are.”

I cleared my throat. Somehow my voice sounded normal. “That’s…why I did it. I wanted to be me again when I faced Raziel.”

Alex glanced at the closed curtains. “Speaking of that – any idea what time it is?”

I sent my angel soaring up briefly through the roof: icy air and piercing stars. “Still early,” I said as she returned. “I don’t think we’ve been asleep very long.”

“Okay, let’s at least try to get another hour.” Then Alex really looked at me. “Are you sure you’re all right?