What am I going to say? Quick, what am I going to say?
'Ms Bloomwood?' says Erica Parnell.
OK – what I'll say is, I'm fully aware that my overdraft is slightly larger than it should be, and I'm planning to take remedial action within the next few days. Yes, that sounds good. 'Remedial action' sounds very good. OK – go.
Firmly I tell myself not to panic – these people are human – and take a big breath. And then, in one seamless, unplanned movement, my hand puts down the receiver. I stare at the silent phone for a few seconds, not quite able to believe what I've just done. What did I do that for? Erica Parnell knew it was me, didn't she? Any minute, she'll ring back. She's probably pressing redial now, and she'll be really angry…
Quickly I take the phone off the hook and hide it under a cushion. Now she can't get me. I'm safe.
'Who was that?' says Suze, coming into the room.
'No-one,' I say, feeling slightly shaky. 'Just a wrong… Listen, let's not have drinks here. Let's go out!'
'Oh,' says Suze. 'OK!'
'Much more fun,' I gabble, trying to head her away from the phone. 'We can go to some really nice bar and have cocktails, and then go on to Terrazza.'
What I'll do in future, I'm thinking, is screen all my calls. Or answer in a foreign accent. Or, even better, change the number. Go ex-directory.
'What's going on?' says Fenella, appearing at the door.
'Nothing!' I hear myself say. 'We're going out for a titchy and then on to sups.'
Oh, I don't believe it. I'm turning into one of them.
As we arrive at Terrazza, I'm feeling a lot calmer. Of course, Erica Parnell will have thought we were cut off by a fault on the line or something. She'll never have thought I put the phone down on her. I mean, we're two civilized adults, aren't we? Adults just don't do things like that.
And if I ever meet her – which I hope to God I never do – I'll just keep very cool and say, 'It was odd what happened, that time you phoned me, wasn't it?' Or even better, I'll accuse her of putting the phone down on me (in a joky way, of course).
Terrazza is full, buzzing with people and cigarette smoke and chatter, and as we sit down with our huge silver menus I feel myself relax even more. I love eating out. And I reckon I deserve a real treat, after being so frugal over the last few days. It hasn't been easy, keeping to such a tight regime, but somehow I've managed it. And I'm keeping to it so well! On Saturday I'm going to monitor my spending pattern again – and I'm sure it'll have gone down by at least 70 per cent.
'What shall we have to drink?' says Suze. 'Tarquin, you choose.'
'Oh look!' shrieks Fenella. 'There's Eddie Lazenby! I must just say hello.' She leaps to her feet and makes for a balding guy in a blazer, ten tables away. How she spotted him in this throng, I've no idea.
'Suze!' cries another voice, and we all look up. A blond girl in a tiny pastel-pink suit is heading towards our table, arms stretched out for a hug. 'And Tarkie!'
'Hello, Tory,' says Tarquin, getting to his feet. 'How's Mungo?'
'He's over there!' says Tory. 'You must come and say hello!'
How is it that Fenella and Tarquin spend most of their time in the middle of Perthshire – but the minute they set foot in London, they're besieged by long-lost friends?
'Eddie says hi,' announces Fenella, returning to the table. 'Tory! How are you? How's Mungo?'
'Oh, he's fine,' says Tory: 'But listen, have you heard? Caspar's back in town!'
'No!' everyone exclaims, and I'm almost tempted to join in. No-one has bothered to introduce me to Tory – but that's the way it goes with these people. You join the gang by osmosis. One minute you're a complete stranger, the next you're shrieking away with the rest of them, going, 'Did you hear about Venetia and Sebastian?'
'Look, we must order,' says Suze. 'We'll come and say hello in a minute, Tory.'
'OK, ciao,' says Tory, and she sashays off.
'Suze!' cries another voice, and a girl in a little black dress comes rushing up. 'And Fenny!'
'Milla!' they both cry. 'How are you? How's Benjy?'
Oh, God, it just doesn't stop. Here I am, staring at the menu – pretending to be really interested in the starters but really feeling like some utter loser that no one wants to talk to – while bloody Fenella and Tarquin are Socialites of the Year. It's not fair. I want to table-hop, too. I want to bump into old friends I've known since babyhood. (Although to be honest, the only person I've known that long is Tom from next door, and he'll be in his limed oak kitchen in Reigate.)
But just in case, I lower my menu and gaze hopefully around the restaurant. Please, God, just once, let there be someone I recognize. It doesn't have to be anyone I like, or even know that well – just someone I can rush up to and go mwah mwah and shriek 'We must do lunch!' Anyone will do. Anyone at all…
And then, with a disbelieving thrill, I spot a familiar face, a few tables away! It's Luke Brandon, sitting at a table with a smartly dressed older man and woman.
Well, he's not exactly an old friend – but I know him, don't I? And it's not as if I've got much choice. And I so want to table-hop like the others.
'Oh look, there's Luke!' I shriek (quietly, so he doesn't hear). 'I simply must go and say hello!'
As the others look at me in surprise, I toss my hair back, leap to my feet and hurry off, full of a sudden exhilaration. I can do it, too! I'm table-hopping at Terrazza. I'm an It-girl!
It's only when I get within a few feet of his table that I slow down and wonder what I'm actually going to say to him.
Well… I'll just be polite. Say hello and – ah, genius! I can thank him again for his kind loan of twenty quid.
Shit, I did pay him back, didn't I?
Yes. Yes, I sent him that nice recycled card with poppies on it and a cheque. That's right. Now don't panic, just be cool and It.
'Hi!' I say as soon as I get within earshot of his table, but the hubbub around us is so loud, he doesn't hear me. No wonder all Fenella's friends have got such screechy voices. You need about sixty-five decibels, just to be heard. 'Hi!' I try again, louder, but still no response. Luke is talking earnestly to the older man, and the woman's listening intently. None of them even glances up.
This is getting a bit embarrassing. I'm standing, marooned, being utterly ignored by the person I want to table-hop with. Nobody else ever seems to have this problem. Why isn't he leaping up, shrieking, 'Have you heard about Foreland Investments?' It's not fair. What shall I do? Shall I just creep away? Shall I pretend I was heading towards the Ladies?
A waiter barges past me with a tray, and I'm pushed helplessly forward, towards Luke's table – and at that moment, he looks up. He stares at me blankly as though he doesn't even know who I am, and I feel my stomach give a little flip of dismay. But I've got to go through with it now.
'Hi, Luke!' I say brightly. 'I just thought I'd say… hello!'
'Well, hello,' he says after a pause. 'Mum, Dad, this is Rebecca Bloomwood. Rebecca – my parents.'
Oh God. What have I done? I've table-hopped an intimate family gathering. Leave, quick.
'Hello,' I say, and give a feeble smile. 'Well, I won't keep you from-'
'So how do you know Luke?' enquires Mrs Brandon.
'Rebecca is a leading financial journalist,' says Luke, taking a sip of wine. (Is that really what he thinks? Cor, I must drop that into a conversation with Clare Edwards. And Philip, come to that.)
I grin confidently at Mr Brandon, feeling like a mover and a shaker. I'm a leading financial journalist hobnobbing with a leading entrepreneur at a leading London restaurant. How cool is that?
'Financial journalist, eh?' grunts Mr Brandon, and lowers his reading glasses to have a better look at me. 'So what do you think of the Chancellor's announcement?'
I'm never going to table-hop again. Never.
'Well,' I begin confidently, wondering if I could suddenly pretend to spot an old friend across the room.
'Dad, I'm sure Rebecca doesn't want to talk shop,' says Luke, frowning slightly.
'Quite right!' says Mrs Brandon, and smiles at me.
'That's a lovely scarf, Rebecca. Is it Denny and George?'
'Yes, it is!' I say brightly, full of relief at escaping the Chancellor's announcement. (What announcement?) 'I
