was so pleased, I got it last week in the sale!'
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that Luke Brandon is staring at me with an odd expression. Why? Why is he looking sore.
Oh fuck. How can I be so stupid?
'In the sale… for my aunt,' I continue, trying to think as quickly as I can. 'I bought it for my aunt, as a present. But she… died.'
There's a shocked silence and I look down. I can't quite believe what I've just said.
'Oh dear,' says Mr Brandon gruffly.
'Aunt Ermintrude died?' says Luke in a strange voice.
'Yes,' I reply, forcing myself to look up. 'It was terribly sad.'
'How awful!' says Mrs Brandon sympathetically.
'She was in hospital, wasn't she?' says Luke, pouring himself a glass of water. 'What was wrong with her?'
For an instant I'm silenced.
'It was… her leg,' I hear myself say.
'Her leg?' Mrs Brandon's staring at me anxiously. 'What was wrong with her leg?'
'It… swelled up and got septic,' I say after a pause. 'And they had to amputate it and then she died.'
'Christ,' says Mr Brandon, shaking his head. 'Bloody doctors.' He gives me a suddenly fierce look. 'Did she go private?'
'Ummm… I'm not sure,' I say, starting to back away. I can't take any more of this. Why didn't I just say she gave me the bloody scarf? 'Anyway, lovely to see you, Luke. Must dash, my friends will be missing me!'
I give a nonchalant kind of wave without quite looking Luke in the eye and then quickly turn round and walk back to Suze, my heart beating fast and my face flaming red. God, what a fiasco.
But I've managed to recompose myself by the time our food arrives. The food! I've ordered grilled scallops and as I take my first bite, I nearly swoon. After so many torturous days of cheap, functional food, this is like going to heaven. I feel almost tearful – like a prisoner returning to the real world, or children after the war, when rationing stopped. After my scallops I have steak barnaise and chips – and when all the others say 'no thanks' to the pudding menu, I order chocolate mousse. Because who knows when I'm next going to be in a restaurant like this? There could be months ahead of cheese sandwiches and homemade coffee in a flask, with nothing to relieve the monotony. It's a hard road, the one I've chosen. But it'll be worth it in the end.
While I'm waiting for my chocolate mousse, Suze and Fenella decide they simply must go and talk to Benjy, on the other side of the room. So they leap up, both lighting cigarettes as they do so, and Tarquin stays behind to keep me company. He doesn't seem quite as into table-hopping as the others. In fact, he's been pretty quiet all evening. I've also noticed that he's drunk more than any of us. Any moment I'm expecting his head to land on the table. Which would be fine by me.
For a while there's silence between us. To be honest, Tarquin is so weird, I don't feel any duty to talk to him.
Then, suddenly, he says,
'Do you like Wagner?'
'Oh yes,' I say at once. I'm not sure I've ever heard any Wagner, but I don't want to sound uncultured, even in front of Tarquin. And I have been to the opera before – though I think that was Mozart.
'The Liebestod from Tristan,' he says, and shakes his head. 'The Liebestod.'
'Mmm,' I say, and nod in what I hope is an intelligent manner, I pour myself some wine, fill his glass up too, and look around to see where Suze has got to. Typical of her just to disappear off and leave me with her drunken cousin.
'Dah-dah-dah-dah, daaaah dah dah…'
Oh my God, he's singing. Not loudly, admittedly – but really intensely. And he's staring into my eyes as though he expects me to join in.
'Dah-dah-dah,dah…'
Now he's closed his eyes and is swaying. This is getting embarrassing.
'Da diddle-idy da-a-da-a daaaah dab…'
'Lovely,' I say brightly. 'You can't beat Wagner, can you?'
'Tristan,' he says. 'Und Isolde.' He opens his eyes. 'You'd make a beautiful Isolde.'
I'd make a what? While I'm still staring at him, he lifts my hand to his lips and starts kissing it. For a few seconds I'm too shocked to move.
'Tarquin,' I say as firmly as I can, trying to pull my hand away. 'Tarquin, please…' I look up and desperately scan the room for Suze – and as I do so, meet the eye of Luke Brandon, making his way out of the restaurant. He frowns slightly, lifts his hand in farewell, then disappears out of the door.
'Your skin smells like roses,' murmurs Tarquin against my skin.
'Oh shut up!' I say crossly, and yank my hand out of his grasp so hard I get a row of teeth marks on my skin. 'Just leave me alone!'
I would slap him, but he'd probably take it as a come-on.
Just then, Suze and Fenella arrive back at the table, full of news about Binky and Minky – and Tarquin relapses into silence. For the rest of the evening, even when we say goodbye, he barely looks at me. Thank God. He must have got the message.
Seven
It doesn't seem he has, though, because on Saturday I receive a card of a Pre-Raphaelite girl looking coyly over her shoulder. Inside, Tarquin has written:
Many apologies for my uncouth behaviour. I hope to make it up to you. Tickets to Bayreuth – or, failing that, dinner?
Tarquin
Dinner with Tarquin. Can you imagine? Sitting opposite that stoaty head all evening. And what's he going on about, anyway? I've never heard of Bayreuth. Is it a new show or something? Or does he mean Beirut? Why would we want to go to Beirut, for God's sake?
Anyway, never mind, forget Tarquin. I've got more important things o think about today. This is my sixth day of Cutting Back – and, crucially, my first weekend. David E. Barton says this is often when one's frugal regime cracks, as the office routine is no longer there as a distraction and the day stretches empty, waiting to be filled with the familiar comfort of shopping.
But I'm too strong-willed to crack. I've got my day completely sussed – and I'm not going near any shops. This morning I'm going to visit a museum and then tonight, instead of wasting lots of money on an expensive takeaway, I'm cooking a home-made curry for me and Suze. I'm actually quite excited about it.
My entire budget for today is as follows:
Travel to museum: free (I already have a travel card)
Museum: free
Curry: ?2.50. (David E.Barton says you can make a wonderful curry for four people for less than ?5.00 – and there are only two of us).
Total daily expenditure: ?2.50
That's more like it. Plus I get to experience Culture instead of mindless materialism. I have chosen the Victoria and Albert Museum because I have never been to it before. In fact, I'm not even sure what they have in it. Statues of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, or something?
Anyway whatever they have, it will be very interesting and stimulating, I'm sure. And above all, free! As I come out of South Kensington tube, the sun's shining brightly and I stride along, feeling pleased with myself. Normally I waste my Saturday mornings watching Live and Kicking and getting ready to go to the shops. But look at this! I suddenly feel very grownup and metropolitan, like someone in a Woody Allen film. I just need a long woolly scarf and some sunglasses and I'll look like Diane Keaton. (A young Diane Keaton, obviously, but without the
