Wyrd Sisters

'That's kings for you,' said Granny. 'They come and go, good and bad. His father poisoned the king we had before.'

'That was old Thargum,' said Nanny Ogg. 'Had a big red beard, I recall. He was very gracious too, you know.'

'Only now no-one must say Felmet killed the king,' said Magrat.

'What?' said Granny.

'He had some people executed in Lancre, the other day for saying it,' Magrat went on. 'Spreading malicious lies, he said. He said anyone saying different will see the inside of his dungeons, only not for long. He said Verence died of natural causes.'

'Well, being assassinated is natural causes for a king,' said Granny. 'I don't see why he's so sheepish about it. When old Thargum was killed they stuck his head on a pole, had a big bonfire and everyone in the palace got drunk for a week.'

'I remember,' said Nanny. 'They carried his head all round the villages to show he was dead. Very convincing, I thought. Specially for him. He was grinning. I think it was the way he would have liked to go.'

'I think we might have to keep an eye on this one, though,' said Granny. 'I think he might be a bit clever. That's not a good thing, in a king. And I don't think he knows how to show respect.'

'A man came to see me last week to ask if I wanted to pay any taxes,' said Magrat. 'I told him no.'

'He came to see me, too,' said Nanny Ogg. 'But our Jason and our Wane went out and tole him we didn't want to join.'

'Small man, bald, black cloak?' said Granny thoughtfully.

'Yes,' said the other two.

'He was hanging about in my raspberry bushes,' said Granny. 'Only, when I went out to see what he wanted, he ran away.'

'Actually, I gave him tuppence,' said Magrat. 'He said he was going to be tortured, you see, if he didn't get witches to pay their taxes ...'

Lord Felmet looked carefully at the two coins in his lap.

Then he looked at his tax gatherer.

'Well?' he said.

The tax gatherer cleared his throat.

'Well, sir, you see. I explained about the need to employ a standing army, ekcetra, and they said why, and I said because of bandits, ekcetra, and they said bandits never bothered them.'

'And civil works?'

'Ah. Yes. Well, I pointed out the need to build and maintain bridges, ekcetra.'

'And?'

'They said they didn't use them.'

'Ah,' said the duke knowledgeably. 'They can't cross running water.'

'Not sure about that, sir. I think witches cross anything they like.'

'Did they say anything else?' said the duke.

The tax gatherer twisted the hem of his robe distractedly.

'Well, sir. I mentioned how taxes help to maintain the King's Peace, sir ...

'