One leap. Inches separating him from the end of guilt. Of pain.
For months, he’d blamed Jax for his own kidnapping, for saving Kira and changing fate. But the inescapable truth was that Aric had gotten exactly what he deserved. No, he’d deserved much worse. He should’ve suffered Micah’s fate and much more.
Standing on four shaking legs, he told himself he could do this. His wolf resisted with a growl, his survival instinct strong. He tensed, muscles bunching—
And was struck hard in the side, shoved, sent rolling from danger. He bolted to his feet and found a huge white wolf positioned squarely between him and his goal. Nick. The wolf’s teeth weren’t bared, but his body was like stone, his purpose clear—Aric was not getting past him. Or past the others that suddenly trotted up, surrounding them in a semicircle.
Aric shifted to human form, crouched on his knees, arms wrapped around his middle, and sucked in a deep breath. Maybe that way he could hold in the guts that were being ripped from his torso. “Back the fuck off, Nicky.”
His commander shifted, and so did Aric’s friends—if that’s still what they were.
“Can’t do that, and you know it,” Nick said in his don’t-screw-with-me voice. However stern he sounded, worry still bled into his tone.
“You don’t interfere with free will, remember?” Aric snapped.
Concern turned to anger as he took a step closer. “I’m making a goddamned exception. Do you honestly believe you’re the only one suffering? That you won’t leave a giant hole in this team if you do something so stupid?”
That gave him pause. “I—”
“There’s a consequence for every action, Aric. These guys are your brothers, and they’d die for you. Do you care so little for them that you’d place their futures in danger because you took the easy way out?”
A chill settled in his chest, despite the rising fever that made him feel like he was about to self-combust. “I never thought about it like that.”
“Which is why I’m telling you. Taking your own life will have far-reaching and devastating effects on every single man here, not to mention on others who aren’t present. You can’t do this. I won’t let you.” The finality in his voice was both a relief and a burden.
“I’m responsible for what happened to the team,” he said hoarsely. “You heard Jax—I should be dead. He was right. It’s what I deserve.”
“No.” A new voice broke in. “I was wrong.”
Great. Just what he needed, Jax getting in his face again. Aric eyed the man warily as he approached, noted the shame etched on his face.
“What prompted the change of heart? Don’t want me offing myself on your conscience?”
Jax winced. “After I calmed down, I knew I didn’t mean what I said to you. And you were right about Beryl— I’ve got my own load of guilt for trusting her, and I can’t lay that on you. I’m sorry as hell for transferring the blame, and I hope you can forgive me.”
He stared at his friend for a long moment. “It’s not a question of forgiving you. It’s whether I can get square with my part in that whole fucking mess.”
“Still…” Jax swallowed hard. “I need to hear it.”
“I forgive you, man.” God, he had to tell them the rest. “But it’s not going to make any difference in the long run.”
“Why? What do you mean? You’re not still planning to—”
“No. I’ll let nature take its course, but I won’t hurry the inevitable.” Everyone looked puzzled. Except Nick. Steeling himself, he explained. “I’ve found my mate, but I can’t claim her.”
A moment of stunned silence followed that announcement, and then they all started talking at once, peppering him with questions. Most prevalent were, “Who is she?” and “Why the hell not?”
He held up a hand. “You all might as well know. It’s Rowan.”
“Holy crap!” Ryon exclaimed.
He headed off more nosy inquiries. “I can’t claim her because she’s leaving for L.A. again as soon as Micah’s better. She loves her job as a cop and I won’t take her away from her life. She doesn’t want a mate and even if she did, she deserves a better one than me and the dangers that come with living in my world.”
“That’s such bullshit,” Jax said angrily. “It’s worked out for Kira and me just fine. Have you even told Rowan what’s going on?”
“No, and all of you are going to promise you won’t breathe a word. I mean it. This isn’t your problem.”
“Yes, it is,” Zan insisted. “Bro, you’ll
Aric looked away, into the gathering darkness. “Maybe not, but it doesn’t matter. Promise me.”
One by one, they did, though reluctantly. Everyone but Nick, who just returned Aric’s glare with a hard one of his own.
“I won’t say anything unless I feel I have to.”
“Fine.” Aric sighed. He supposed that was the best he was going to get.
What a joke. His team had intervened, but he was going to die anyway. He’d let down anyone who’d ever loved him. He didn’t deserve to be happy, to have a beautiful mate. He’d only end up hurting her, too.
The sun set completely as they shifted and started the long walk back to the compound. Even among his Pack, he felt alone in the dark.
Aching for what might’ve been, if only he’d been a better man.
Rowan hovered at the window to the rec room, alternating between pacing and peering into the waning evening. As in any workplace, word had gotten around about the fight in no time.
Sariel and a couple of others had found Rowan keeping vigil and had been concerned about what happened. She’d simply told them that the boys had a disagreement and went for a run to work out their frustrations. A vague response, but she figured the team’s dirty laundry was their business to air, or not.
“They haven’t returned?”
She looked around to see the gorgeous Fae walk in again, his brow furrowed. “Not yet.”
“I think this ‘disagreement’ was more serious than you said, since you’ve paced there for over two hours.”
“You could say that. But it’s not my story to tell.”
“I understand. I only wanted to check and see if you needed a friend.”
“Thanks.” She smiled at him. “A person can never have too many of those.”
“Oh, I don’t know. A handful of really good, loyal ones has always been enough for me.” His voice was wistful, his expression distant for a moment.
“Did you leave behind someone special in your world?” she asked gently. His golden eyes were so sad, she could’ve cried for him. She didn’t cry easily.
“My five brothers, and my best friend. They were all on a diplomatic visit to the Vampire Coalition or the Seelie court would never have succeeded in casting me from the realm. Politics, you know?”
“I’m so sorry,” she said sincerely. “Your brothers and your friend, they knew that your father is this Unseelie bastard?”
“Yes. They loved me anyway,” he said quietly, “as did my late stepfather. Now my oldest brother is king, and none of them ever would’ve told my secret. I don’t know how the court found out.”
“Maybe Malik told them, or arranged for someone else to do it?”
“Why would he do that? Raping my mother was, and still is, a crime punishable by death.”
“Well, it got you kicked out, didn’t it? And now you’re without the protection of your kind.”
“Which is exactly what he must’ve wanted.” He shook his head, causing the fall of sapphire hair to wave like
