Untangle Me

Me: Heartache can make you feel that way. You’re too young to give up on it, though. And really, you can’t stop love—sometimes it just happens.

Kayden: Not if I have my way. I’m not looking for love and I stay away from any situation where it’s even a possibility.

I furrowed my brows and pouted. Why was I bothered by his answer? Did I think he’d change his mind and that I’d be ‘the one’?

Me: I’m sorry. You’ve just picked the wrong ones. You shouldn’t give up on love, just your taste in women.

Kayden: Maybe, but for now it’s easier for me. I work seven days a week and keep myself busy. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, Sophia.

Me: I don’t believe it, but you can keep lying to yourself, Kayden.

Kayden: Tell me about your past relationships or your current one?

I bit my lower lip, thinking of a way to describe where it had all gone wrong.

Me: They’ve all been passionless, an endless sea of navy blue.

Kayden: Can I ask you a couple questions? It only seems fair.

Palm meet forehead. He’s always answered my questions, how could I say no? I swallowed hard trying to figure a way out of it, but nothing came to me.

Me: Go ahead—fair’s fair.

Kayden: Did they hold you every night and kiss you each day?

I didn’t want to admit to the mediocrity in my love life, but I didn’t have anything to lose either.

Me: No, they didn’t hold me and the kisses were short, sweet, and chaste.

Kayden: There’s problem number one. Do you like to be held?

Me: Yes, but guys just don’t seem into it.

Kayden: Maybe the guys you’ve been with. I fucking love it, one thing I miss not being in a relationship. Okay, so what about kissing? Why only short little kisses? I mean that’s how you kiss a friend.

I tapped my thumbs against my phone thinking of how to answer this.

Me: I love to kiss, just haven’t found someone that brings me to my knees with a kiss. It’s always too sloppy or too neat. I don’t even try to kiss anymore, why be disappointed?

Kayden: Ahhh… Maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you’re a bad kisser.

Me: WTF. No, I’m a damn good kisser, or at least I remember I used to be.

Kayden: I don’t know about that, has to be some reason behind it. I could tell you… if you’re good or not.

I stared at the screen with my mouth open and gulping like a fish out of water. The thought of kissing Kayden sent tingles throughout my body. Do. Not. Geek. Out. My fingers shook as I typed my reply.

Me: Oh, you’re the authority?

Kayden: I’ve never had any complaints and I’m just offering to help you out.

Me: You’re so full of shit.

Kayden: The offer stands, Sophia. When you want me to give you my honest opinion all you have to do it call me. My number is…

I quickly added his number to my contacts, not wanting to take any chance of losing it. He didn’t ask for mine, but if he would’ve asked, I would’ve given it to him.

Consumed. It’s the only word that accurately describes my thoughts over the last three weeks. Kayden has consumed my every thought, my dreams, and my fantasies. I haven’t spent as much time with Bob since I started chatting with Kayden. My conversations, although I’ve never heard his voice, were far more interesting than anything Bob had ever said.

Kayden: I want to hear your voice, Sophia. Can we talk instead? It’s just hard for me type right now.

My heart pounded at the thought. We’d never spoken on the phone. My voice was more like a teenage girl and I hated the sound of it. I wouldn’t be able to hide my shock or laughter if we talked on the phone. I gnawed on my nail thinking about it. Did I want to talk to him? God, it would be such a letdown if his voice was like a squeak toy or he sounded like Kermit the Frog. I swallowed hard and knew I had to talk to him; I needed to talk to him.

Kayden: You still there?

Me: Yeah, sorry I got distracted there for a minute.

Kayden: Call me then. I don’t have your number woman.

I picked up my phone and stared at it. I tried to slow my breathing and gain my composure. I hit send and closed my eyes.

“Hello.” His voice was smooth and deep… almost a purr in my ear.

“Hi.” I tried to keep my voice even and calm, but I knew it betrayed me.

“It’s nice to finally put a voice with the words,” he said.

I started pacing around the room. The man made me nervous. I needed to find something to do to get my mind off the fact that I was talking to him. Kayden, colorful Kayden, hot Kayden. What the fuck am I doing? Breathe.

“I thought about not calling you,” I said.

“Why?” He drew the words out.

“I don’t know. It’s a big step, besides I hate my voice.” I’m so negative about myself. I needed to stop pointing out all my flaws.

“Oh stop, I love your voice, it’s sexy.” My heart fluttered with the word love. I knew he didn’t love me, but just the knowledge that he liked my voice made my heart misfire. I needed to find a subject that didn’t center on any feelings that I may have developed for this man over the past couple of weeks.

“Tell me about your harem of women, I find it fascinating.” I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t call it that. I’ve found that a purely physical relationship works best for me.” I could hear the amusement behind his words.

“Do you have more than one woman you sleep with?”

“There is only one right now, but I’m looking for a change.”

“A change?” Did I want to know the answer? I mean, shit, I didn’t want to think about his screwing some girl while I had a lovely dinner with Bob.

“I have someone very specific in mind,” he said slowly, quietly.

“Does she know?” I was torturing myself at this point. I chewed on my lip as I listened to his words. Was he talking about me?

“I’d have to ask her, but I’m pretty sure, she’s a smart girl… She’s had to figure it out by now.”

“Maybe you should tell her.”

“Okay, hold on a sec,” he said as an indistinguishable noise filled my ears.

Utter Silence. I swore at myself, what a fucking dummy I’d been.

I heard a low chuckle, “I want you, Sophia. I don’t want just any woman… I want only you. I want to taste you.” His voice was smooth as silk.

My breathing increased as I closed my eyes. Images of Kayden making love to me and bringing me to my knees warmed my entire being. I was drawn to him; he became a need that I couldn’t fill.

Kayden and I chatted online all day and talked on the phone each night. A month flew by in the blink of an eye. Summer vacation had begun weeks ago and I had entirely too much time on my hands. Time to daydream about Kayden; what it would be like to be with him, kiss him, and touch him.

Suzy, my room mate, and I spent our days at the pool, soaking in the sun. I moved in with Suzy months ago and we’d grown closer during that time. We are co-workers, both single, and loved talking about books and men.

Kayden: What are you doing?