Mourn higher!
Heaven gave the spark;
to it return the fire.’
Collop was pleased, not knowing that Burton was thinking of the lines in a different sense than that intended by the poet.
'Return the fire.' That meant somehow getting into the Dark Tower, discovering the secrets of the Ethicals, and turning Their devices against Them. He did not feel gratitude because They had given him an earned life. He was outraged that They should do this without his leave. If They wanted his thanks, why did They not tell him why They had given him another chance? What reason did They have for keeping Their motives in the dark? He would find out why. The spark They had restored in him would turn into a raging fire to barn Them.
He cursed the fate that had propelled him to a place so near the source of The River, hence so close to the Tower, and in a few minutes had carried him away again, back to some place is the middle of The River, millions of miles away from his goal.
Yet, if he had been there once, he could get there again. Not by taking a boat, since the journey would consume at least forty years and probably more. He could also count on being captured and enslaved a thousand times over. And if he were killed along the way, he might find himself raised again far from his goal and have to start all over again.
On the other hand, given the seemingly random selection of resurrection, he might find himself once more near The River’s mouth. It was this that determined him to board The Suicide Express once more. However, even though he knew that his death would be only temporary, he found it difficult to take the necessary step. His mind told him that death was the only ticket, but his body rebelled. The cells' fierce insistence on survival overcame his will.
For a while, he rationalized that he was interested in studying the customs and languages of the prehistorics among whom he was living. Then honesty triumphed, and he knew he was only looking for excuses to put off the Grim Moment. Despite this, he did not act.
Burton, Collop, and Goring were moved out of their bachelor barracks to take up the normal life of citizens: Each took up residence in a hut, and within a week had found a woman to live with him. Collop’s Church did not require celibacy. A member could take an oath of chastity if he wished to. But the Church reasoned that men and women had been resurrected in bodies that retained the full sex of the original. (Or, if lacking on Earth, supplied here.) It was evident that the Makers of Resurrection had meant for sex to be used. It was well known, though still denied by some, that sex had other functions than reproduction. So go ahead, youths, roll in the grass.
Another result of the inexorable logic of the Church (which, by the way, decried reason as being untrustworthy) was that any form of love was allowed, as long as it was voluntary and did not involve cruelty or force. Exploitation of children was forbidden. This was a problem that, given time, would cease to exist. In a few years all children would be adults.
Collop refused to have a hutmate solely to relieve his sexual tensions. He insisted on a woman whom he loved. Burton jibed at him for this, saying that it was a prerequisite easily — therefore cheaply — fulfilled. Collop loved all humanity; hence, he should theoretically take the first woman who would say yes to him.
'As a matter of fact, my friend,' Collop said, 'that is exactly what happened.'
'It’s only a coincidence that she’s beautiful, passionate, and intelligent?' Burton said.
'Though I strive to be more than human, rather, to become a complete human, I am all-too-human,' Collop replied. He smiled. 'Would you have me deliberately martyr myself by choosing an ugly shrew?'
'I’d think you more of a fool than I do even now,' Burton said. 'As for me, all I require in a woman is beauty and affection. I don’t care a whit about her brains. And I prefer blondes. There’s a chord within me that responds to the fingers of a golden-haired woman.'
Goring took into his but a Valkyrie, a tall, great-busted, wide shouldered, eighteenth-century Swede. Burton wondered if she was a surrogate for Goring’s first wife, the sister-in-law of the Swedish explorer Count Von Rosen. Goring admitted that she not only looked like his Karin, but even had a voice similar to hers. He seemed to be very happy with her and she with him.
Then, one night, during the invariable early-morning rain, Burton was ripped from a deep sleep. He thought he had heard a scream, but all he could hear when he became fully awake was the explosion of thunder and the crack of nearby lightning. He closed his eyes, only to be jerked upright again. A woman had screamed in a nearby hut.
He jumped up, shoved aside the bamboo-slat door, and stuck his head outside. The cold rain hit him in the face. All was dark except for the mountains in the west, lit up by flashes of lightning. Then a bolt struck so close that he was deafened and dazzled. However, he did catch a glimpse of two ghostly white figures just outside Goring’s hut. The German had his hands locked around the throat of his woman, who was holding onto his wrists and trying to push him away.
Burton ran out, slipped on the wet grass, and fell. Just as he arose, another flash showed the woman on her knees, bending backward, and Goring’s distorted face above her. At the same time, Collop, wrapping a towel around his waist, came out of s his hut. Burton got to his feet and, still silent, ran again. But Goring was gone. Burton knelt by Kayla, felt her heart, and could detect no beat. Another glare of lightning showed him her face, mouth hanging open, eyes bulging.
He rose and shouted, 'Goring! Where are you’?' Something struck the back of his head. He fell on his face.
Stunned, he managed to get to his hands and knees, only to be knocked flat again by another heavy blow. Half-conscious, he nevertheless rolled over on his back and raised his legs and hands to defend himself. Lightning revealed Goring standing above him with a club in one hand. His face was a madman’s.
Darkness sliced off the lightning. Something white and blurred-leaped upon Goring out of the darkness. The two pale bodies went down onto the grass beside Burton and rolled over and over. They screeched like tomcats, and another flash of lightning showed them clawing at each other.
Burton staggered to his feet and lurched toward them but was knocked down by Collop’s body, hurled by Goring. Again Burton got up. Collop bounded to his feet and charged Goring. There was a loud crack, and Collop crumpled. Burton tried to run toward Goring. His legs refused to answer his demands; they took him off at an angle, away from his point of attack. Then another blast of light and noise showed Goring, as if caught in a photograph, suspended in the act of swinging the club at Burton.
Burton felt his arm go numb as it received the impact of the club. Now not only his legs but also his left arm disobeyed him. Nevertheless he balled his right hand and tried to swing at Goring. There was another crack; his ribs felt as if they had become unhinged and were driven inward into his lung. His breath was knocked out of him, and once again he was on the cold wet grass.
Something fell by his side. Despite his agony, he reached out for it. The club was in his hand; Goring must have dropped it. Shuddering with each painful breath, he got to one knee. Where was the madman? Two shadows danced and blurred, merged and half-separated. The hut! His eyes were crossed. He wondered if he had a concussion of the brain, then forgot it as he saw Goring dimly in the illumination of a distant streak of lightning. Two Gorings, rather. One seemed to accompany the other; the one on the left had his feet on the ground; the right one was treading on air.
Both had their hands held high up into the rain, as if they were trying to wash them. And when the taro turned and came toward him, he understood that that was what they were trying to do. They were shouting in German (with a single voice); Take the blood off my hands! Oh, God, wash it off!'
Burton stumbled toward Goring, his club held high… Burton meant to knock him out, but Goring suddenly turned and ran away. Burton followed him as best he could, down the hill, up another one, and then out onto the flat plain. The rains stopped, the thunder and lightning died, and within five minutes the clouds, as always, had cleared away. The starlight gleamed on Goring’s white skin.
Like a phantom he flitted ahead of his pursuer, seemingly bent upon getting to The River. Burton kept after him, although he wondered why he was doing so. His legs had regained most of their strength, and his vision was no longer double. Presently, he found Goring. He was squatting by The River and staring intently at the star-fractured waves.
Burton said, 'Are you all right now?' Goring was startled. He began to rise, then changed his mind. Groaning, he put his head down on his knees.
'I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t know why,' he said dully. 'Karla was telling me she was moving out in the morning, said she couldn’t sleep with all the noise I made with my nightmares. And I was acting strangely. I begged her to stay; I told her I loved her very much. I’d die if she deserted me. She said she was fond of me, had been, rather, but she didn’t love me. Suddenly, it seemed that if I wanted to keep her, I’d have to hill her. She ran screaming out of the hut. You know the rest.'
'I intended to kill you,' Burton said. 'But I can see you’re no more responsible thaw a madman. The people here won’t accept that excuse, though. You know what they’ll do to you; hang you upside down by your ankles and let you hang until you die.'
Goring cried, 'I don’t understand it! What’s happening to me? Those nightmares! Believe me, Burton, if I’ve sinned, I’ve paid! But I can’t stop paying! My nights are hell, and soon my days will become hell, too! Then I’ll have only one way to get peace! I’ll kill myself! But it won’t do any good! I’ll wake up then hell again!'
'Stay away from the dreamgum,' Burton said. 'You’ll have to sweat it out. You can do it. You told me you overcame the morphine habit on Earth.'
Goring stood up and faced Burton. That’s just it! I haven’t touched the gum since I came to this place!'
Burton said, 'What? But I’ll swear…!'
'You assumed I was using the stuff because of the way I was acting! No, I have not had a bit of the gum! But it doesn’t make any difference!'
Despite his loathing of Goring, Burton felt pity. He said, 'You’ve opened the Pandora of yourself, and it looks as if you’ll not be able to shut the lid. I don’t know how this is going to end, but I wouldn’t want to be in your mind. Not that you don’t deserve this.'
Goring said, in a quiet and determined voice, 'I’ll defeat them.'
'You mean you’ll conquer yourself,' Burton said. He turned to go but halted for a last word. 'What are you going to do?'
Goring gestured -at The River. 'Drown myself. I’ll get a fresh start. Maybe I’ll be better equipped the next place. And I certainly don’t want to be trussed up like a chicken in a butcher shop window.'
'Au revoir, then,' Burton said. 'And good luck.'
'Thank you. You know you’re not a bad sort. Just one word of advice.'
'What’s that?'
'You’d better stay away from the dreamgum yourself. So far, you’ve been lucky. But one of these days, it’ll take hold of you as it did me. Your devils won’t be mine, but they’ll be just as monstrous and terrifying to you.'
'Nonsense I I’ve nothing to hide from myself!' Burton laughed loudly. 'I’ve chewed enough of the stuff to know.' He walked away, but he was thinking of the warning. He had used the gum twenty-two times. Each time had made him swear never to touch the gum again.
On the way back to the hills, he looked behind him. The dim white figure of Goring was slowly sinking into the black-and silver waters of The River. Burton saluted, since he was not one to resist the dramatic gesture. Afterward, he forgot Goring. The pain in the back of his head, temporarily subdued, came back sharper than before. His knees turned to water and, only a few yards from his hut; he had to sit down.
