Franco turned to look athim. This time, it was Caleb who drew back. Franco’s eyes wererimmed with tears.
“I don’tknow the right way to do this.” He drew in a deep, shaky breath.“Or maybe there’s none because it’s all so very wrong.”
As Franco wiped his eyeson his shirtsleeve, Caleb felt as if he had slowly separated fromhis body. He was right there in the audience, watching himself in ascene. It’s okay,he assured himself. Whatever Franco was trying to say wouldnot affect him. None ofthis was really happening to him. He was just watching everythingunfold with a mild interest.
Franco opened his mouth tospeak. Caleb heard nothing. As he watched Franco’s lips move, facedistorted in anguish, Caleb found himself wondering if this was howthe deaf experienced the world. Franco’s movements were crisp andclear, but everything else was on mute, like a silent film whosewords and music he was free to invent. Caleb blinked, and thevolume was flicked back on.
“. . . and I love him,Caleb. I really do. I’ve always loved him. There are days whenwe’re each other’s nemeses, but in the end, we always get backtogether.”
Franco was saying all thiswith that pained expression on his face, as if his confession washurting him instead of Caleb.
“So,basically—you’re saying you’re done with me,” Caleb said in thatcool and aloof manner that had taken him years to perfect. “ThatI’m just a distraction while you and Drew were figuring out yourrelationship.” His voice sounded dead in his ears, though his heartwas pounding like a newborn’s.
“It wasn’t like that.”Franco was sobbing now, not bothering to brush away the tears. Theylooked like raindrops streaking down a window pane. “Caleb, you’rean amazing guy—”
“Yup. So amazing that youcan just leave me like this.”
“Hear me out, please,”Franco pleaded. He shook his head, shoulders slumped forward. “Ordon’t hear me out. I have nothing to say. There’s no excuse forwhat I did. I thought it was over between me and Drew. This yearhas been one ugly fight after another, and the last one was ourbreaking point. I couldn’t handle it.”
A jogger stumbled intoview right in front of them, panting, the rubber soles of his shoesclapping on the pavement. They watched him in silence until hedisappeared into the distance.
“That day I found you bythe football field, you looked like you were keeping something inso tightly that you were about to burst.” Franco sniffed. “I’veseen that look in Drew’s eyes so many times, and I just had toreach out.”
Caleb’s muscles finallyuncoiled. He sprang to his feet. “I never asked for your help,Franco. I was doing fine by myself. Don’t use your messiah complexas an excuse for coming on to me.” He could feel the fire pushingfrom behind his eyes, but he didn’t allow his gaze to waver.“You used me. Younever had any plans with me. It was all spur-of-the-moment. Thisstupid haircut, the zipline”—his voice broke—“the kissing. Younever intended to be with me for long, did you? Do you have anyidea how messed up that is?”
Franco stood up, and therethey were, face to face. Eye to eye. If Caleb would lean forward,their lips would meet, like they’d done everyday for the past week.How could things have changed so quickly?
“I’msorry,” Franco repeated. “I’m an unforgivable, selfish shithead.”His arms dropped defeated at his sides. “Punch me. Slap me. Kickme. Just hurt me, Caleb. Please.”
Caleb wanted to. He reallydid. He fisted his hands but kept them anchored to his thighs. “I’mthe one who should apologize.” He had lost control of his voice andit came out ragged, trembling and cracking in places. “Because Iwas stupid enough to think that my life could be this happy. Thatcoming out to you—you whom I’ve had a pathetic crush on—was the best thing I couldhave ever done in my life. That you could make me be brave, make mefeel normal. That for once, I was perfectly fine the way I was.”Caleb’s voice hiccupped. He could barely see Franco through hisblur of tears. “I’m sorry, Franco. I’m sorry for these stupidfantasies. I’m sorry that you had to put up with me.”
He walked away,half-hoping that Franco would call out his name. But he’d gone, notonly deaf, but also numb. That could’ve been Franco’s hand on hisshoulder, then on his arm, pulling him back.
But maybe it was just hisimagination, Caleb told himself as he continued walking. After all,he had just found out that whatever happened between him and Francohad never been real.
Chapter 16:Requiem
He was fine. He was goingto be fine.
Caleb walked for aneternity. All over the park. On the sidewalk where he breathed infumes, while the sun hammered down his neck. On streets so narrowthat sidewalks were non-existent, and he had to walk sideways,making his way through a labyrinth created by illegally parked carsand ambulant vendors.
He walked and walked,letting his feet decide where to take him. He entered the mall,shivering with the sudden blast of cold, and rode the escalator tothe second-floor gym with the Starbucks beside it. He went higherstill where the cinemas were located, and walked past the movieposter of an alien glaring down at him. Then he went all the waydown, exiting the mall, and walking past the bar where he got tipsyover just one bottle, enough to give him the courage to lean in fora kiss.
He stopped short. In hismind, he saw Franco wolfing down his burrito. Before that, Francoordering jumbo tacos. And even way, way before that, Drewhollering, “Franc, the usual later?”Franco replying good-naturedly, “Mexican again? Sure, anything foryou.” Drew liked Mexican food.
Caleb resumed walking asother memories awoke. Franco reaching outto Caleb after the football game because the look in his eyesreminded him of Drew.
Franco whispering to Calebin the movie house, “There’s a really gross scene coming up. Closeyour eyes if you can’t handle it.” Franco and Drew wearingidentical alien shirts.
The past week, Caleb andFranco might have been together, but Drew was also there—a
